\”Daughter, you don\’t have to be too kind.\” Mom\’s words awakened countless people

There is a sand pile at the entrance of the community, which is a paradise for children. I was passing by yesterday and saw a seven or eight-year-old girl playing near a pile of sand with a toy forklift. At this time, a boy came over and said, \”Let me play for a while.\” The girl simply said, \”No, this is mine, I still want to use it!\” The boy tried to grab it, but the girl pushed him onto the sand. , took his small forklift and ran away. Not far away, a mother said to another mother: \”Look at your girl, she doesn\’t look like a girl at all, she is just a tomboy.\” The girl\’s mother smiled and said, \”I just want to raise girls as boys. Safety.\” This was the first time I heard this point of view, so I deliberately slowed down and listened to her continue: \”Have you not seen those girls who were harmed by bad guys on the news, which ones are not well-behaved and obedient? ?\” Hearing this, I couldn\’t help but admire this mother\’s wisdom. That\’s really it. In recent years, after the murders of girls who were brutally injured, public opinion has been surprisingly consistent: first, some people were suspicious and spread rumors, saying that girls were greedy, lustful and unruly and deserved revenge. Later investigation revealed that these poor girls were all from well-off families and well-educated, and each one was more docile and well-behaved than the other, and each one was more considerate than the last one. They are all \”good girls\” in the traditional sense, but their endings are very tragic. In the past, we often said: \”Girls should be rich.\” In our fantasy, we educate our daughter to be well-behaved, sensible, and loved by everyone, and then prepare a generous dowry for her. Then after marriage, the daughter will have wealth and be considerate. Husbands who respect their parents-in-law will naturally be cherished and live a happy life. Such a girl is like a white and innocent lamb, undoubtedly attractive. But don’t forget, scumbag men also like girls like this. One of my cousins ​​is a standard good girl, the kind who blushes even when she speaks loudly. She obeyed her parents and never fell in love in high school and college. It wasn\’t until after graduation that she got a boyfriend through a blind date. Not long after they fell in love, the man slapped her because of a trivial matter. If it were any other girl, if we didn\’t break up now, when would we wait? The cousin was also very sad: \”It\’s like this before we get married. If we get married, wouldn\’t we be subjected to domestic violence every day?\” Unexpectedly, the boyfriend knelt down with a plop: \”I\’m sorry, I didn\’t mean to do it. When I was a child, my father often beat my mother. I caused a psychological shadow.\” My cousin is a kind girl, and she felt a little soft-hearted when she heard this. Seeing that there was something going on, the man continued his acting skills and told about his tragic childhood experiences, which made his cousin burst into tears. At this time, there is no need to talk about forgiveness or not. All my cousin can think about is how to help her poor boyfriend get out of the shadow of his childhood. With a sense of mission of \”treating illnesses and saving lives,\” my cousin endured violence from her boyfriend over and over again. When outsiders saw the scars and asked about it, she tried every means to cover it up for her boyfriend. In this way, my cousin got deeper and deeper into trouble, and finally married a violent man and gave birth to a child. Until now, violent men have not gotten out of their \”childhood shadow\”. Instead, they have become more and more addicted to violence. ——Since you will go to jail if you hit someone else, and you will be forgiven if you hit your wife, why not? You see, for a scumbag, kindnessIt\’s no use at all. Never raise your daughter to be a sheep. If your daughter is raised like a sheep, the wolf will naturally care about her. However, in real life, there are too many lamb-like girls. There is a girl who is about the same age as me among my relatives. She has been taught to be educated and knowledgeable since she was a child. She is recognized as a good girl. When they got married, her father stood proudly on the stage and said, \”Today I leave my daughter to you! My daughter is very simple, kind, filial and loving. I hope she can take good care of her husband, respect her parents-in-law, and be a good person in the future. A good wife, a good daughter-in-law, a good mother.\” When I heard this, I felt very uncomfortable. Sure enough, the girl did not live happily after getting married. She worked hard at home and even agreed with her mother-in-law to bring her sister-in-law to live with her. But her mother-in-law was not satisfied with her and often scolded her for various reasons. She felt aggrieved, and her husband advised her: \”I know my mother has a bad temper. But my father passed away early, and it was my mother who supported the family by herself. If she didn\’t have this temper, how could she support the family?\” She cried and begged: \”I can\’t live without you. Without you, our family would be broken up!\” The kind-hearted girl chose to continue to endure. Within two years, I suffered from neurasthenia and depression. After the girl fell ill, her husband\’s family discovered that she had been taking medicine for many years and could not have children. They took the initiative to file for divorce and finally got rid of her like a burden. Only then did she suddenly realize: How could there be any extenuating circumstances? Is there anything you have to do? If you don\’t even consider yourself, you have no right to expect others to consider you. Roses are beautiful, but they must have thorns. An overly kind girl pulls out the thorns on her body early and has no choice but to let others pick her. Therefore, don’t believe in such nonsense as “girls should be simple, docile, and kind”. You know, girls and boys will face the same world in the future. She must be as bloody as the boy, resourceful, resourceful, and have the courage to conquer cities and territories in order to stand firm. A friend has a daughter. She said: \”You have to know the dangers of the world when you raise a daughter.\” \”I would rather stand at my daughter\’s wedding many years later and tell all the guests that my daughter is indolent, does all kinds of evil, and is a devil.\” Years later, when my daughter was being bullied, I regretted why I didn’t tell my daughter how to protect her dignity and interests and let her grow up to be a silly and sweet person.” All silly and sweet things are prepared for scumbags. . Girls don\’t need more kindness than boys. On the contrary, she needs more opportunities, more capital, and more initiative. She needs to have the ability to make more choices, rather than standing in a position of kindness and waiting for fate to make her choice. Kindness is an external word. Only when you learn to preserve your own subject can you be qualified to be kind. So, dear daughter, you really don’t need to be too kind. Learning to love yourself is more important than kindness.