Dear, no one can \”customize\” a perfect life for your children

\”If you could choose with one click, would you customize a perfect life for your children?\” This is the debate question in the latest issue of \”Qi Pa Shuo\”. I think out of love for their children, many parents will say \”press\”. Parents who have endured hardship never want their children to suffer as hard as themselves. Sometimes I chat with my wife after dinner. We all said that we would let our child live independently after he finishes studying. But sometimes I will add that of course if he needs to buy a house and get married, I can lend him a down payment and he will pay the monthly payment himself. Because my wife and I have a naked marriage, although she doesn\’t mind suffering, I still don\’t want the person I love to suffer too much with me. Faced with the previous problem, rationally, I would still choose not to press it. Because I don’t believe in a perfect life, let alone that parents can give their children such a life. A few days ago, a mother left me a message. She wrote it with a pen, then took a photo and sent it to me. In the message, she said she had a five-year-old daughter. One day I was chatting with a colleague who had a 5-year-old boy. They talked about which university their children would go to in the future, what major they would study, and employment issues. This should be a question that many parents are concerned about. Because this is related to what kind of person the child will become in society in the future? How to make a living. She said her point of view was to respect the child\’s choice and support him. Give some suggestions yourself and let your children make the final decision. Because she feels that the child is an independent individual and should be respected. But her colleague was different. She felt that she had to make the decision for her child. The reason was that the child didn\’t understand anything and she was afraid that if she made the wrong choice, her whole life would be ruined. She said she was not afraid because she felt that she had chosen the path and she had the courage to walk out even if she made a mistake. But there are many parents around me who are colleagues. She wanted me to write an article about this issue. This question is actually discussing: Should parents make life decisions for their children? Just in the past few days, I took the time to read the book \”Silent Confessions\”. It can be said to be a book that sounds a wake-up call to every parent who loves their children. Although the background of the book is the United States, the attitude of parents towards their children\’s life is exactly the same as that of most of our parents. In the book, Lydia, who is doted on by her parents, is the most unfortunate. She has been living her life according to her mother\’s plan – in fact, this is just the life her mother longed for. In order to become a doctor, her mother tried her best and worked hard for it, but finally bowed in the face of reality. So he transferred his dream to his daughter. She hopes that her daughter can live a wonderful life, not like herself, let alone her mother. She is afraid that she will become like her mother, so she is even more afraid that her daughter will become like her. However, the only thing she forgot was that her daughter should have her own life. Even if she gives up being a doctor, what does it matter? She said she wanted to find the murderer of her daughter. In fact, her control was an accomplice, pushing the child to a dead end. As the book says, \”The more your parents pay attention, the higher their expectations for you. Their care keeps falling on you like snow, eventually crushing you.\” There are no parents in the world who don\’t love their children. We all want to do our best to have childrenMy son is living a better life. But sometimes what we desire is not what our children need. Parents\’ excessive protection and attention make children feel like they are living in a cage. Love must be measured. This is something every parent should reflect on frequently. Sometimes, I watch my son come to me with great interest to read picture book stories to him. My heart is always happy. Seeing his high interest in learning, I sometimes wonder, what kind of person will this kid become in the future? Sometimes when chatting, I asked him, \”What is your dream?\” \”Dad, didn\’t I tell you?\” \”What? I can\’t remember clearly.\” \”It is to become a dinosaur expert!\” \”Oh! Still! This dream! In fact, I think there are many more interesting dreams!\” He doesn\’t want to continue communicating yet. I can only swallow the words on my lips. But I know there are more expectations here. And how heavy are these expectations? Sometimes we ourselves cannot weigh it, but after the child hears it, his heart will feel the weight. What I can do is not to attach my unfulfilled dreams to him. If you really want to do it, then do it yourself. Of course, there are also many life experiences that I think are useful. There is a little guy walking on the road, and we always have to point at him. But can we really point out the right path for our children? Gradually, I understood: No one can \”customize\” a perfect life for a child. Parents, especially, always think that they do so-called planning out of love for their children. For example, which specialty to study, which school to apply for, and which major to choose. It is up to you to make the decision, as long as the child is obedient, passes the exam, and gets the certificate. Because when making this decision, my parents had already patted their chests and said that I will take care of everything from now on, and you do your best. I remember when I was in elementary school, there was a top student in our class. His father was the vice principal and his mother was the dean. His grades at that time were always among the top three in the class. He went to the best middle school in our local area. When he took the college entrance examination, he wanted to apply for an information college, but his parents asked him to apply for a normal university because of family connections. In the end, he obeyed his parents\’ arrangements, graduated successfully, and then went to work as a teacher in the best high school in the county. But before the internship period was over, he quarreled with the principal and ended up changing schools. When he arrived at the new school, he didn\’t get along with his colleagues in the teaching and research department. After working for one year, he wanted to change again. The family can only think of ways to change it for him. In the end, he said he quit, and his mind went blank while standing on the podium. Later, he went home for a long vacation and continued to wait for his parents\’ arrangements. At this time, parents can\’t make arrangements. Blind dates always fail, and I always feel unable to adapt when looking for a job. There are some things that parents cannot arrange even if they want to. Don\’t put too much faith in the so-called connections and relationships. When faced with a pile of mud, no one can hold up the wall. You try your best to plan a perfect life for your children. But we forget that people are not machines after all. They have their own emotions and thoughts. And, more importantly, our society is not a factory but is constantly changing. The best state between parents and children should be to \”grow together.\” This is an attitude towards life, because growing up together means that parents themselves are constantly learning and experiencing together with their children. andIt’s not about setting the goal there, drawing a pie, and then asking the children to grab it and rush for it. I once saw a joke about a pair of parents who played mahjong every day while dreaming that if their children would make a lot of money in the future, they would be able to support themselves and live a life without worries about food and clothing. They also went out of their way to seek advice from the master. The master asked: \”Have you heard the story about the stupid bird flying first?\” They suddenly realized: \”Yes, my child\’s talent is not very high, so I had to force him and force him again, and finally he flew up.\” The master said Ran smiled: \”There are three kinds of stupid birds in the world. One kind flies first and achieves success. The other kind does not fly and is content with the situation.\” \”What about another kind?\” \”There is also a kind of bird that doesn\’t want to be bothered and flies. But I want to succeed, so I have to lay an egg, and then force the offspring to fly every day.\” Although it is a joke, it is a very harsh fact. If you don\’t work hard and just indulge in having fun, then don\’t expect your children to achieve your goals. Allowing children to be themselves and choose their own life is the way life should be. No one can \”customize\” a perfect life for children. But you can be a better version of yourself.