Do you know that giving money to children to do housework will harm them?

My neighbor Xuanxuan\’s mother asked me: \”Last night Xuanxuan came back to protest with me, saying that his classmate would get 3 yuan in pocket money for sweeping the floor at home. Why didn\’t I give it to him? She also said that I was a stingy mother. What should my children do when doing housework? Should I pay?\” Her question reminded me of an incident in junior high school. During the winter vacation that year, there was a heavy snowfall. The whole family mobilized and it took a whole afternoon to clear the snow on the roof, yard and gate. . I wanted to buy two romance novels, but I didn’t have enough pocket money, so I thought of using my labor to buy them. When my mother asked me to help me clear the snow, I asked, \”I sacrificed my time doing my homework to clear the snow. Can you give me some money? Just five yuan.\” My mother didn\’t say anything yet, and my father, who rarely criticized me, came directly. Rejection: \”You have to live in the house, use the yard, and walk on the road in front of the gate. How much money do you need to work for yourself?\” I was speechless. At that time, the parents of many of my classmates usually chose material or monetary rewards in order to get their children to work more: 5 cents for washing the dishes; 5 cents for sweeping the floor; the top three in the class would be rewarded with a toy worth less than 10 yuan… The direct result of this method of rewards is that students feel that work is for their parents, and studying is also to give an explanation to their parents. The \”incentives\” of being parents are not what they like, and they often choose to avoid them. Xuan\’s mother and I said: \”Reason with the child and tell him that the pocket money is not enough. He can discuss with his parents to increase it appropriately, but the family of three is obliged to do the housework. There is no such thing as payment.\” My daughter Sissi doesn\’t like to eat. Every physical examination shows that the height and weight are close to the lower limit. In order to make her daughter grow taller and fatter, Qian\’s mother used desserts after meals to lure her children to eat a few more spoons of rice. When the child was two and a half years old, the temptation failed – one time Sissi\’s mother just said: \”After dinner, we can eat five egg yolk biscuits!\” Sissi immediately turned her head aside: \”I don\’t like biscuits!\” Zhe My classmates also experienced similar situations. For example, this time the pneumonia lasted for more than three weeks, and my appetite was not good during the recovery period. In order to get him to eat more, grandma would use his favorite candy as bait. As a result, the child took advantage of the weakness of his grandparents and refused to eat when there was no candy. He also learned to make conditions: \”Grandma, I will take a bite of rice, and will you give me a piece of chocolate?\” When we use bribes or temptations to get When children act according to the wishes of adults, in addition to learning to make conditions and take advantage of loopholes, it also indirectly expresses distrust and contempt for the child. When the child notices the \”tricks\” of the adult, he or she will become resistant or even discouraged. A friend\’s child is in the fifth grade of elementary school. In order to get her to clean her room, her friend tried various methods, including coercion and inducement, but it still didn\’t work. She was \”baffled\”. One weekend, our family of three went to his house as guests. When she arrived at his house, her daughter was cleaning up her room and enthusiastically asked Zhe to visit her room. It turns out that my friend had just increased the reward for cleaning the room from 10 yuan to 20 yuan. After cleaning, her friend gave her 20 yuan of pocket money as agreed. Then she whispered to me: \”Every time she finishes cleaning, I have to clean it again. Sometimes I really feel that it is better for me to do it directly.\” Her daughter did not hear her mother\’s muttering, but her friend lived there.My daughter must be able to feel the condescending mood – since you don\’t like what I do, there\’s no need for me to take it personally. Anyway, I clean the room just for the 20 yuan. The famous psychologist Rudolf said: Satisfaction must be obtained through contribution and cooperation. When we are busy winning children to cooperate with us through rewards, we actually deprive children of the basic satisfaction they get from life. Every child is an independent individual from the moment he comes into this world. Every bit of progress they make: raising their head, turning over, sitting alone, crawling, grasping, and walking are all preparations for being separated from their parents in the future. Their sense of security, in addition to the unconditional love from their parents, is also built on their contribution to the family. When the children were still young, we didn’t trust them to eat by themselves, for fear that they would soil their clothes or the ground, so we took the trouble to feed them. When the children were young, we were worried about them pouring water themselves, fearing that they would spill the water and cause us trouble, so we took the trouble to do it for us. When our children are still young, we are afraid that they will get hurt, and we refuse to let them do any dangerous household chores (washing dishes, tidying up tables and chairs, etc.)… On the surface, these behaviors are all about loving children, but in fact the message sent to them is : You can’t do it, you can’t do it, you can’t do it. When they have developed the habit of \”Mom and Dad do things for me\”, we feel that the children are too lazy. In order to make them diligent and good children who understand the hard work of their parents, we are often eager for quick success and use material rewards in the adult world to stimulate them. child. In fact, when children are still babies, they have a very strong desire to do things with their parents. It’s just their sincere enthusiasm that we regard as “trouble.” For example, when we wash clothes, do children aged one or two actively ask to be washed together? Our approach is often to drive them away because they are a big problem when they are around. Originally, this was a good opportunity for children to participate in housework! As long as we let them pour laundry detergent with us, the children will feel their own value and find the most primitive sense of accomplishment in life. So, if your children are still young, please take good care of their desire to wash their own dishes, pour their own milk, put on their own diapers, fold their own clothes, sweep the floor, open the door, and take out the trash. They really want to participate in household chores. Woolen cloth! If the child has missed the sensitive period of housework, it is best not to frequently use material rewards to stimulate the child to do housework. It is fundamental to cultivate their subjective initiative in doing housework bit by bit. For example, a mother can ask her children for help: \”Mom, I want you and Neng to clean the living room together.\” Or let the children freely choose whether they want to clean their own bedroom or the public area, and slowly let them accept the concept: \”I am a member of the family, and I am a member of the family.\” When claiming sovereignty, they have the obligation to share household chores with their parents.” When children feel that housework is their own business, everything else will become easier.