Do you really know how to praise your children?

Really, if you ask me not to praise my children, I can’t do it. Regardless of whether she just grinned, I couldn\’t help but say from the bottom of my heart, \”That\’s so cute.\” Even if she only mastered the most common skill, she would still think \”Wow, that\’s awesome!\”. Although countless experts will say not to praise your child\’s talent and results, but to acknowledge your child\’s efforts and process. However, even when she just did a small thing but looked at me proudly and waited for me to praise her, she would blurt out \”You are so awesome\”. I believe that I am not the only one who feels this way. If you agree, please silently raise your little hand~ However, I also know that blind praise is too much, and problems will arise. No, there\’s something wrong with Linlin\’s family. Linlin is the child who was exaggerated since she was a child. Although in the eyes of everyone, she is just an ordinary and cute little girl, in the eyes of her parents, she is a golden baby. The preschool years went smoothly, and with the praise from my parents, my relatives and friends did not hesitate to say good things. But when she went to school, took the exam, and her grades mattered, Linlin couldn\’t bear it anymore. In the first test of the first grade of elementary school, Linlin did not securely take first place, but achieved a mid-range ranking in the class. Linlin\’s name was not among the few students the teacher praised for their perfect scores in class. That\’s all, Linlin went home and cried a lot, complaining that the school was not good and she didn\’t want to study anymore. Shouldn\’t parents praise their children from an early age? of course not. A good child can be praised, but how and how much should be praised carefully. Praising too much or too broadly can easily prevent a child from seeing herself accurately. Not only will it fail to promote progress, but it will also affect the cultivation of her sense of right and wrong and her ability to withstand stress. As for the specific application of education in life, I actually sum up it in five words: \”Do it right, not the person.\” Speaking of this, there will definitely be friends who will tell me the truth, but I understand, but what should I do specifically? Yesterday, a friend said that he expected me to take a tough step in praising my children. Uh, I\’m just throwing some ideas here, let\’s discuss it together ~ Example 1: Once I took Liuliu and my friend\’s family to have a dinner together. During this time, my friend\’s 3-year-old son was climbing up and down on the sofa in the restaurant, and he just didn\’t eat well. Liuliu sat obediently on the dining chair, holding a bowl and spoon, and took the food bite by bite. Friends and family praised Liuliu for being so good and sensible, while Xuanxuan looked at us in confusion. So I chatted with Xuanxuan: \”Do you know why everyone is praising Sister Liuliu?\” Liuliu, who was eating aside, answered quickly: \”Because I eat well and don\’t run around.\” Xuanxuan looked thoughtfully. After looking at Liuliu, I also imitated Liuliu and sat on the dining chair, picked up the spoon and took a big bite. I immediately took the opportunity to praise: \”Xuanxuan is awesome, you can also eat big mouthfuls.\” Xuanxuan heard this I also praised him and continued to eat hard. When I feel impatient while eating, I will say: \”Xuanxuan just ate a big piece of carrot, isn\’t it delicious~\” \”Wow, Xuanxuan ate a lot of vegetables, let auntie eat them all\” Are you done? It’s amazing.” “Let’s eat well, and then we can grow taller and go play ball with my sister.” When Xuanxuan heard this, he ate another big meal with a smile.mouth. Just like that, Xuanxuan, who started jumping up and down, finished the meal happily with our encouragement. After reading this, have we discovered the point? Describe the details of what the child is doing, empathize with the child, and let the child truly feel the source of the praise. Example 2: When Liuliu was 3 years old, he and I went hiking in the Wild Elephant Valley. After a while, he yelled that he couldn’t walk anymore and wanted a hug. I told her, Mommy is also very tired. Holding you will make you even more tired. Your feet may also hurt. Liuliu will feel distressed, right? Just keep insisting on walking by yourself, okay? Liuliu agreed, saying that she would feel sorry for her mother. In this way, with my constant encouragement, Liuliu wanted to give up and ask for a hug several times, but persisted several times and walked a lot on his own. Traveling should not be carried out with a hug. Finally, after another request from her for a hug, I agreed. I think she\’s almost gone, and there\’s no point in forcing her too much. When I held her in my arms, I praised her without hesitation: \”You walked a long way today, which is great.\” \”Thank you for caring about my mother and being tired, and for insisting on walking.\” Although Liuliu did not leave in the end. She reached the top of the mountain, but in the process she learned to persevere and realized her love for her mother and her hard work, which is worthy of encouragement and praise. At this time, it is not just about praising \”you are great\”, but the process of embodying each praise into one thing, which will make the children identify more. In particular, the detailed description that emphasizes the process rather than the results enables children to have a positive attitude when facing challenges. Knowing that their words and deeds are worthy of recognition, children will have a better attitude towards the results. Finally, the last thing I want to say is that everything has a degree of control. This is often forgotten by parents when it comes to praising their children. Letting children be confident but not arrogant, firm but not blind actually depends on the parents\’ discretion when praising them. For example, when it comes to eating, when appropriate praise has cultivated good habits in the child, we need to downplay this matter. Instead of praising every bite, let her gradually understand that this is something she can do naturally. Things to do, and avoid excessive praise leading to arrogance. It’s understandable that your child is pleasing to the eye when you look at her 360-degree view, but you have to know that one day she will have to integrate into society and come into contact with more people who view her objectively or even critically, and those people will not give her the same treatment as we do. Unlimited tolerance. Parents\’ heartfelt praise all day long is of little benefit to their children\’s accurate self-positioning. Gradually, she will feel that she is good at everything and has a lot of advantages and strengths, but she just ignores that everyone has shortcomings. As parents, we want to help our children understand their true selves, which is far better than giving her an unrealistic heart. It is true that good children are praised, but only by mastering the secret of praise can we not go astray on this road and cultivate good children who are confident and reasonable.