Do you understand the three keys to being a good parent?

Some people say: On the road to educating children, where the heart is, the flowers bloom. However, many parents feel that they spend a lot of time and energy on their children, but their children\’s performance is not satisfactory. He procrastinates and dawdles in doing things, has no sense of time, is addicted to electronic products, has a bad temper, likes to talk back to parents, and is self-righteous… All these things make parents anxious, worried and confused. Download the pdf of parenting from the inside out: Being a good parent starts by accepting yourself. In fact, the more this is the case, the less we can mess up, and we must calm down and stabilize ourselves. Keep your mouth shut. Good education starts with good companionship, and good companionship is inseparable from good communication between parents and children. Therefore, if parents want to stabilize themselves, they must first stabilize their own mouths. Take care of your mouth, resist nagging and scolding, and try not to blurt it out when you are excited or angry. There was a plot in the previously popular TV series \”Little Shede\” where Xia Junshan lost control of his emotions while tutoring his daughter Huanhuan with her homework and couldn\’t help but get angry at her. The more he talks, the more energetic he becomes, and the more he curses, the more irrational he becomes. As a result, Huanhuan cried and vomited, and afterwards she told her mother that she disliked her father less and less. Seeing this, many parents feel the same way: words spoken when angry are like water thrown out and cannot be taken back. It not only hurts the child\’s self-esteem and undermines the child\’s self-confidence, but also makes the parent-child relationship drift away. Especially for children in the rebellious period, parents\’ excessive preaching is like troublesome, high-decibel noise, which disturbs the children and makes them want to escape, making the parent-child relationship tense. In serious cases, some extreme actions will be taken, which will make parents regret it. A 17-year-old boy in Shanghai had a conflict with his classmates at school. His mother scolded him while driving him home. The mother and son had a quarrel, and the boy got out of the car out of anger and jumped off the bridge to his death. Last year, a junior high school boy in Wuhan was playing cards with his classmates at school. After his mother was called to school, she scolded him in front of his classmates in the class corridor and slapped him. The boy eventually jumped to his death. As the saying goes: \”A kind word warms you for three winters, but a bad word hurts you for six months.\” Inappropriate words are like a hail of bullets, hurting people with every word; but warm words are like a refreshing breeze. Only parents who can keep their mouths shut can win their children\’s trust and make them willing to approach you. The tone and temperature of parents\’ speaking affect the height and pattern of children\’s growth. Stabilize your own emotions. Parents\’ emotions will directly affect their children\’s character development. Parents with stable emotions will raise children who are calm, confident, and bright; parents with changeable emotions will raise children who are either timid, sensitive, and have low self-esteem, or they will be violent and mischievous. Therefore, as their children grow up, for the sake of their children\’s physical and mental health, parents should learn to stabilize their emotions, manage and control their emotions well. I once heard a story like this: There was a little boy with a very bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him to hammer a nail into the wall every time he lost his temper. In the beginning, the boy hammered many nails into the wall every day. Later, he slowly learned to control his emotions, and the number of nails hammered into the wall every day gradually increased.Less gradient. Because, he found, it was easier to control his temper than to drive nails. He told his father about his changes, and his father suggested that if he could control his temper every day, he should pull out a nail from the wall. As time passed, the boy finally told his father that all the nails were removed. The father pointed to the hole left after pulling out the nails on the wall and said to the boy: \”The wall will never be as smooth and complete as before. Every time we lose our temper with others, we will leave scars on others, like these Like a hole.\” Even though time has passed, the wounds still leave traces. This story seems to be educating children, but it is also applicable to parents. Managing emotions is a compulsory course for every parent. When emotions come up, try to trade time for space, that is, the time to buffer the anger is exchanged for the space to deal with it calmly. To avoid a verbal conflict, quickly step away from your child and allow yourself to calm down. Find a space alone, take a deep breath, listen to music, watch the news, and do something to distract yourself. When emotions come, try to \”difference\” and imagine that what we are facing is not a child, but an outsider. When many people face outsiders, even if they are deeply dissatisfied, they can control their words and deeds most of the time. This is the so-called \”be kind to others but not to family members\”. In fact, when it comes to dealing with children, when we are emotional, we should be more supportive of our family members than ourselves. Learn to stabilize and resolve emotions, rationally understand, tolerate and guide children with love, and do your best to protect their physical and mental health. Steady your own heart. Some people say: \”The heart is the master of all things. Tolerance is great.\” If you can steady your own heart and be a parent with a big heart, everything will suddenly become clearer. The poem \”Walking in Your Own Time Zone\” once wrote: \”Everyone in the world has their own development time zone. They are all in their own time zone, you are in yours, in your own time zone arranged for you by fate, Everything is on time.\” Parents have their parents\’ time zone, and their children have their children\’s time zone. Be a big-hearted parent and learn to accept your children with an understanding and tolerant heart. Be a caring parent, do not be overly picky and demanding of your children, do not infinitely magnify your children\’s shortcomings and deficiencies, and do not undermine your children\’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Parents should be good at discovering and focusing on their children\’s shining points and strengths, and give timely affirmation, appreciation and encouragement. I once heard a story about the \”Four Candies\” by the famous educator Mr. Tao Xingzhi: A boy wanted to hit his classmate with a brick. Tao Xingzhi stopped him in time when he saw it and told him to come to the office. After Tao Xingzhi learned about the situation, he returned to the office and found the boy waiting for him. He took out a candy and rewarded the boy because he was more punctual than him. Immediately afterwards, Tao Xingzhi rewarded the boy with a candy and said, \”I won\’t let you hit others. If you stop immediately, it shows that you respect me.\” Then Tao Xingzhi rewarded the boy with a third candy because the boy wanted to smash it. When classmates bully girls, Tao Xingzhi believes that boys have a sense of justice. Finally, the boy took the initiative to admit his mistake to Tao Xingzhi, thinking that what he did was wrong and he should not attack his classmates. Hearing this, Tao Xingzhi rewarded him with another candy. the whole processAfterwards, Tao Xingzhi never said a word of blame, but he achieved the purpose of education. The story of \”Four Candies\” conveys the power of generous education, appreciation education and positive discipline. Being a big-hearted parent and stabilizing your own heart will not only help broaden the landscape of education, but also help broaden the landscape of your children\’s growth. Only by stabilizing their own hearts can parents win their children\’s respect and trust and calmly enter their children\’s hearts. It is said that parents are their children\’s best teachers. The most effective way for parents to educate their children is to teach through words and deeds. If parents stabilize their mouths, their children will be confident and cheerful; if parents stabilize their emotions, their children will be calm and calm; if parents stabilize their hearts, their children will be healthy both physically and mentally. Parents who can stabilize themselves have their own light, illuminating their children and themselves. Lu Huiping’s video download + PDF e-book of good parents’ decision making for their children’s lives