Does your baby cry when he disagrees with you? Maybe you didn’t understand the emotions behind his temper

Su Bao is almost two years old, and the problems he once had with sleeping and complementary feeding have finally come to an end. Before I had time to celebrate, I discovered that she was starting to develop terrible twos. Terrible twos in English is translated as \”terrible twos.\” As the name suggests, this is a term that drives parents crazy. The previously docile and obedient baby suddenly seemed like a different person when he was about two years old. He liked to say no and \”make trouble unreasonably\”. He would cry and make a fuss and roll on the floor if he disagreed. For example, one day last week, it was time to go to early education class. Su Bao was playing with her favorite toys. I reminded her several times to pack up the toys and we were about to leave. She kept saying \”still playing\”. I was a little annoyed that she was going to be late, so I interrupted her and started to dress her. Su Bao was stunned for a moment, then sat down on the ground and began to cry loudly. While crying, he spoke tearfully in Martian language. If the courier hadn\’t come to distract her, she would have cried all her lunch until she vomited it out. In fact, this is not the first time this situation has occurred, but it has become more and more serious recently. Although I have heard about the \”terrible two years old\” for a long time, I still wonder what is the real reason behind the fact that my previously reasonable baby suddenly became so temperamental? I found that learning parenting is actually very similar to learning other things. If you write down the difficulties and systematically analyze the reasons, it will be easy to find countermeasures. I found paper and pen and summarized several situations in which Su Bao lost his temper and cried: 1. He was doing something he liked and was interrupted. For example, he hoped to keep playing on the slide in the park, but he had to leave when it got dark. 2. Want to complete a task independently, but cannot achieve it. For example, I want to build building blocks high, but they fall down after a few layers. 3. What I want to do is not allowed. For example, I want to touch the power socket, but the adult says no. 4. Don’t want to do it. Being forced to do things like brushing teeth, eating vegetables, wearing a sweater… 5. Wanting to express something, but not being able to express clearly. Behind the tantrum is a sense of powerlessness. In fact, after straightening out my thoughts, I discovered that Su Bao\’s \” \”Temper\” all comes from a kind of ambivalence, a kind of frustration that one wants to be independent but cannot. After communicating with Su Bao\’s American pediatrician, the pediatrician also told me that the \”terrible two years old\” is actually the first rebellious period in a baby\’s life, and almost every child will experience it. A two-year-old baby\’s gross motor, fine motor, language and cognitive abilities have improved by leaps and bounds. For example, he can walk on his own, eat, and build blocks. The baby begins to realize that he is no longer a weak baby, but an independent \”person\”. However, babies don’t have much sense of boundaries yet, they don’t understand that their abilities are limited, and they don’t quite understand what they shouldn’t do (touch the power socket). The baby thinks that she is an almighty little superman. When she finds that things go against her expectations, she will feel a deep sense of powerlessness and become angry and cry. \”Feeling of powerlessness\” is the emotional root behind babies\’ tantrums. To help the baby successfully go through the \”terrible two years old\”, the most important thing is to understand the baby\’s feeling of powerlessness and let the baby have a feeling of power. For example: don\’t treat the baby as a disabled person. Everyone still remembers that the baby is in swaddling clothes. It looks like this. Faced with such a frail baby, I can’t help butI consciously want to protect her and take care of her, such as feeding her milk, burping her, bathing her, dressing her, and coaxing her to sleep. Our pattern of caring for our babies has gradually become fixed, and we often ignore the fact that our babies are always growing. Children after one and a half years old can already complete some simple tasks. If we still treat them like babies, they will have a deep sense of powerlessness. For example, Su Bao is now able to eat on her own, but sometimes I get impatient and pick up a spoon and start stuffing food into her mouth. Su Bao often gets upset immediately, then grabs the spoon and yells: I feed it myself! In fact, Su Bao\’s catchphrase recently is \”Myself XXX!\”, and I discovered that eating on one\’s own is a very fulfilling thing for Su Bao. Although he may need to clean up the \”mess\” after eating, it is important to let him do it in time. It is in line with the psychological development of this stage that the baby takes the initiative in his own hands. Being respected is the source of the sense of power. The nemesis of powerlessness is the \”sense of power\”, which comes from the respect of adults. Respect means giving the baby the opportunity to be \”independent\” and the opportunity to \”contribute\”. Su Bao likes to put together jigsaw puzzles. I learned not to get involved or interfere, but to acknowledge her \”results\” in a timely manner. I only offered to help her when she needed me when she encountered tasks that exceeded her cognitive level. Some time ago I discovered that she liked to \”help\” me when I was vacuuming, so I prepared a set of mini cleaning tools for her and invited her to participate in the general cleaning. I\’ll ask her to put the laundry in the dryer for me, or let her wash her hands and brush her teeth. Although I have to help her brush it again after brushing, letting her brush it by herself first is a kind of respect, and the baby can feel it. I also made some small changes at home. For example, Su Bao used to sit on a separate dining chair when eating, but now I have installed a booster cushion on the dining table seat at home so that she can eat with the adults. I also started to let Su Bao have more choices, such as asking her to decide whether she wants to eat raspberries or blueberries, whether she wants to wear yellow or white clothes today, whether to go swimming or to the zoo when going out, and ask her to decide which one we should read first. A picture book. Respect is also reflected in asking for permission from your baby when taking something away from her. Because babies at this age begin to have a sense of property rights, she will feel that the things she is holding belong to her. Just imagine if a person takes away the coffee in your hand without saying a word, your reaction will definitely be, Excuse me?? Children are actually the same. Su Bao once picked up a very long branch in the park. There was a danger of poking others. Instead of picking it up directly, I squatted down and said, \”This branch is very long and a bit dangerous. I used this short one and Can you change it? Although sometimes the baby will reject you, it is better than having it suddenly taken away from her. Less denial, more transition. Two-year-old babies have a characteristic that they like to test adults’ bottom line. Although respecting the baby can resolve the baby\’s negative emotions at this stage, it does not mean letting the baby\’s behavior go unchecked. In fact, establishing a good discipline mechanism before the age of three will make the child\’s future growth easier and more enjoyable (about discipline and establishing rules, you can read this article: Why do children turn a deaf ear to your words? How to say it so that children will listen) SuSince Bao can crawl, she has been curious about all the things she \”shouldn\’t touch\”, such as pulling on the wires of table lamps, touching wall sockets, and grabbing soil from flower pots to eat. My heart is broken… One day I suddenly found myself saying \”don\’t touch\”, \”don\’t take\”, \”don\’t touch that\” to Su Bao several times in a row. I happened to be reading the What to Expect series of parenting books that day, and a very good piece of advice in it was: Don’t keep saying no. When you prevent your child from some behaviors, it is best to give other choices, or affirm other behaviors, and use transitional language to describe them. For example, instead of saying \”You can\’t play with the sand now,\” you can say, \”Let\’s go play with the sand after dinner.\” Instead of \”Don\’t touch the socket on the wall,\” you might as well say, \”Baby, the socket is dangerous, but we can play with this.\” \”Sensory Board\” In fact, in the face of the \”terrible two years old\”, we don\’t need to rack our brains to change the baby\’s behavior, but more to adjust the adult\’s mentality: no longer treat the baby as a baby, no longer think about how to prevent the baby from developing Temper, or how do I “cure” my terrible twos. Because many times babies are disobedient and lose their temper because they are full of contradictions and struggles, and their desire to be independent is growing. In the final analysis, it is all about growth. Let’s patiently accompany the baby to go through this process together.