Does your parenting style make you homeless?

Recently, this news has been very popular on the Internet: \”A man in Zhongmu, Henan Province, wanted to go on a blind date with his younger brother. After dining in a restaurant with his female guest, he drove home. In the car, his father, two matchmakers, and a drunk relative were sitting in the car. There was a mother sitting inside. After the photo was posted on the Internet, it attracted a lot of criticism. Netizens scolded the son for being unfilial and morally corrupt. The reporter interviewed the person involved and reconstructed the scene of the incident. It turned out that the family was very close to the hotel and it was the mother who asked to sit there. In the trunk. The mother also begged the reporter to say some kind words for her son online: \”My son is really filial. If you don\’t believe me, ask your neighbors in the village.\” In the photo, the silver-haired mother sitting in the trunk looked calm and collected. I believe what she said. Her son is very filial and no one forces her to sit in the trunk. Because, I have met too many similar \”Chinese-style\” parents. Those parents who sacrifice everything for their children. My friend Xiao A’s mother-in-law must start doing housework as soon as the meal is put on the table. She puts on rubber gloves, puts on an apron, washes the pots, and disinfects the cutting boards. Mopping the floor in one go. The family members were sitting on the stools at a loss. The daughter-in-law said: Mom, eat quickly; the son said: Mom, eat quickly, the rice is already cold. However, the mother-in-law waved her hand \”righteously\”: You eat first, and I will eat after I finish the work. Little A said that no amount of persuasion was of any use, this was a required course for every meal. I also read an inspirational story. The heroine in the story, Little B, grew up abroad and is now a beautiful school girl. She immigrated with her parents when she was a child. At that time, her parents were both intellectuals in China. They had enviable jobs in China and had a bright future. However, they decided to immigrate in order for her to receive a better education. After immigrating, her language, culture and Her parents had to do odd jobs here and there, and eventually bought a few second-hand washing machines and opened a laundry shop to make a living. They lived with the rumbling sound of machines and laundry detergent every day. A life of isolation and poverty. And she has been working part-time to support her family. She has excellent academic performance and eventually becomes \”someone else\’s child\” in the inspirational story. And for me, after reading this story, I feel more sad because her parents achieved her life by sacrificing their own lives. For my sacrifice, you need to be obedient in return. I have read a sentence: Any gift has a price tag secretly marked; similarly, any sacrifice silently awaits reward. These rewards are called \”Son, you have to listen to me.\” Little A said that her mother-in-law is a control freak. Her mother-in-law has the final say on all major and minor matters in her family, and the couple are only responsible for watching; all items in her family must be planned strictly in accordance with her mother-in-law\’s ideas and aesthetics; her baby\’s daily necessities must be inspected by her Only then can you enter the house. When walking and bumping into old ladies doing square dancing, her mother-in-law will definitely say: I could have danced with them, but I have to take care of the family; while playing with my grandson, she will definitely say with sincerity: Baby, you are going to do it in the future. Be filial to grandma and listen to her words. Grandma has sacrificed all her time for you. If something goes against the old man\’s idea, the old man will be silent.Silently, sighing, and wiping away tears all in one breath: I\’m just an old man, no one listens to my words, what\’s the point of living? It\’s better to just die. It\’s pity that I raised such an unfilial son. . . The family had no choice but to obey and return the \”official seal\” to the old man again. Little A said that his baby is already 5 years old and is in kindergarten during the day. In fact, grandma can have more of her own life, but she still keeps \”sacrificing\” herself in exchange for the right to speak. As for Little B in the inspirational story, she said: The main reason why I study so hard is that I don’t want to disappoint my parents, because they gave up everything for me. Little B was very successful and she did not disappoint her parents. But what about those children who had to accept their parents’ sacrifices but failed to become the elite in their parents’ minds? I once wrote about a boy. After he entered high school, his mother quit her job to accompany him to study. Her daily tasks were to cook and watch him do his homework. Her mantra was: If you don\’t get into the top 3, I\’m sorry. Mom\’s dedication. He was under great pressure and could not sleep all night. He secretly went to the Internet cafe and was discovered many times. His mother burst into tears and was in great pain. She lectured and scolded him. Finally, in another conflict, he jumped and ended the New Year from the fifth floor. Only 15 years of life. This is an extreme case. But in life, there are countless parent-child problems caused by parents \”sacrifice\” themselves. The mother accompanied her son to a tutoring class. The mother said: \”Son, my mother was originally going to go for a beauty treatment, but she canceled it because of you.\” The son replied: \”Mom, why don\’t you go? Dad can just send me there.\” \”My mother said: \”Because my mother will give up anything for you, you have to study hard.\” The son lowered his head and remained silent. At this time, the mother was secretly happy that she had completed another perfect education. Admit it, some sacrifices are just bargaining chips in exchange for control of your children. Your bottomless sacrifice has cut off the bond of love. In \”The Country of Giant Babies\”, the author writes: \”Chinese people generally have giant babies no more than 6 months old, which is what psychologist Margaret Mahler called A baby in the normal symbiosis period. In this period, the baby thinks that he and his mother are one person, so he is chaotic, and thinks that he is an omnipotent god, so he has a strong desire to control. In any community, giant babies are fighting for each other. The only one who has the final say has the right to speak. Once it occupies this right to speak, it will require others in the community to follow its own wishes. The philosophy of filial piety or obedience is actually just an inevitable manifestation of parents who are at the level of giant babies. .\” Moreover, our culture is a group that generally lacks love. The verbal expressions are unspeakable, and the behavioral expressions are unsettling. Therefore, there is another way to express love: sacrifice. My sacrifice brings you guilt. Moreover, this guilt, packaged as love, seems stronger and easier to control, but it also cuts the bond of love. When the old mother stubbornly wants to sit in the trunk, once her son, relatives and friends accept this setting, another exchange of \”sacrifice\” and \”control\” is completed. However, our young people are no longer satisfied with being obedient giant babies. They have never resisted the New Year greetings.This can be seen in the wave of parent-child relationships. The collision of concepts will inevitably cause another major challenge to the parent-child relationship. In fact, when you face the same choice, you don\’t have to sit in the trunk. Instead, hail a taxi and go home decently.