Dong Yuhui: Don’t pay too much attention to your children

I accidentally browsed a friend\’s circle of friends and was filled with emotions. Because she was busy opening a flower shop, she forgot her daughter\’s 12th birthday. When she apologized to her daughter, her daughter thanked her for forgetting. It turns out that in these years, she has been devoted to her daughter, and everything is centered on her: taking care of her daughter\’s daily life; quitting her job to accompany her to school to cultivate her daughter\’s study habits. The mother walked down the street to chase her daughter to study: Never raise your child to a higher class in the family. She thought that this was all for the good of her daughter, but her daughter was not only ungrateful, but also became more and more rebellious. My daughter feels that she is too strict and has no freedom at all. So when she saw that she could focus some energy on herself, her daughter was particularly happy. After watching this, I couldn’t help but think of a point Dong Yuhui made in the live broadcast room: Don’t pay too much attention to your children. He pointed out: Caring too much will only harm the child. Because you intervene in everything big and small, while preventing him from making mistakes, you also prevent him from growing. If you spend all your energy on the child and hold the child too tightly, the child will feel particularly oppressed. Yes, when the water is full, it overflows, and when the moon is full, it wanes. Excessive attention and the more additions are done, the more problems the child will have. In education, there is a kind of \”lawnmower parent\”, which refers to parents who care too much and interfere too much with their children. They take good care of their children, but they don\’t know that while they remove all obstacles for their children, they also squeeze out their children\’s room for growth. In the variety show \”Open Heart Boy\”, there is such a capable mother, who is \”in charge\” of her children\’s food, clothing, housing and transportation. From preparing breakfast to feeding the child, wiping his mouth, brushing his teeth, and putting on his shoes, she was busy like a top, and the child didn\’t even have to stretch his hands during the whole process. Due to his mother\’s excessive upbringing, his son, even though he is 8 years old, has basically zero life skills. He cannot dress, tie his shoes, use chopsticks, and can even spill yogurt all over himself. Because of his poor self-care ability, his son was often laughed at by his classmates at school, but he had nothing to do because he felt from the bottom of his heart: \”My parents are not here, so I can\’t do anything.\” Parenting expert Li Zhiyi said in \”Guide to the Growth of Children in Sensitive Periods\” Zhong once pointed out: Many parents do things for their children in the name of love, but in fact they just make their children more attached to them, nothing more. A parent who tries his best to take care of everything for his children seems to devote 100% of his energy to his children. But unknowingly, it deprives children of their growth and cuts off their wings to soar into the sky. In the hit drama \”The Lost Child\”, Yuan Wu grew up under the overprotection of her mother. In life, his mother worries about every detail for him and takes care of everything for fear that he will be tired; in social life, her mother also helps him analyze one by one who he should talk to and what topics he should talk about, who should be distant and who should be close; Yuan Wu does In everything, my mother would interfere behind the scenes and act as a personal housekeeper and counselor. Therefore, under the arrangement of his mother, although Yuan Wu has the aura of being an \”academic master\” and a \”prestigious school\”, his work ability, social ability, and survival ability are all in shambles. He is timid, cowardly, keeps to himself, and dare not interact with others. He needs to practice a sentence by himself all day long. He doesn\’t know how to fit inWhen I go among my colleagues, I don’t know how to get along with my boss, let alone solve various situations that arise in life and work. The sudden death of his mother brought Yuan Wu\’s life into the darkest moment. After he was fired from his job, he began to use gambling to escape reality, deceiving himself and his father. After his father also passed away, he hid his father\’s body just to continue to falsely claim his father\’s pension. It is the nature of parents to love and pay for their children. But towering trees cannot grow in a greenhouse, and thousands of troops cannot be trained in an alley. Paying too much attention to and exerting too much force on the child may protect the child for a while, but it also makes the child weaker and weaker and will never grow up. Parents spend all their thoughts on their children. Not only do the parents have no life of their own, but the children will also become overwhelmed. Just like the mother Dong Bihua in \”The Big Exam\”, in order to allow her son Wu Jiajun to sprint 985, she put almost all her energy on her son: In order to accompany her son to prepare for the exam, she resigned from the position of guest room manager; she carefully took care of her son\’s daily life In daily life, she did not let her son do any housework; she also made an exam preparation plan for her son, and would sit behind her son to study with him whenever she was free; she even locked the door of her son\’s room in order to prevent his son from being lazy and to make it easier to supervise him. Destroy… She planned and devoted herself wholeheartedly to her son, but his son only felt depressed and just wanted to escape. Therefore, conflicts frequently broke out between parents and children. After a quarrel, Wu Jiajun ran away from home. Dong Bihua didn\’t understand or understand why her son was so rebellious and disobedient even though she was worried about her son. There is a saying: Excessive giving is essentially a kind of transgression. Controlling too much is a constraint; controlling someone too strictly is a violation. The harder parents try to hold their children tightly in their hands, the more they will eventually detonate the child\’s inner depression. It forces the child to fight back fiercely, and in the end the mother and child become enemies, and both sides suffer. In \”Mother\’s Letter of Repentance\”, the author Li Liunan deeply reflects on his wrong education. Since childhood, she has devoted almost 100% of her efforts in order to make her two children achieve success. She has a full schedule for her two children, including when to get up, eat, study, and even the cram schools they enroll in, the books they read, the exercises they do, and the schools they attend. She has the final say. Like a supervisor, she watches her two children read, do homework, and answer questions every day. The child was not sleeping, so she didn\’t dare to lie down with her; before the child got up, she had already prepared brunch. She has no hobbies of her own, and no time for entertainment. Taking care of her two children\’s studies is her main job. So whenever the children slack off even a little bit, she will continue to criticize and complain. If the children failed in the exam, she would feel like facing a formidable enemy and constantly put more pressure on the children. The two children, who were placed everywhere, seemed to be shrouded in darkness every day. They were anxious, depressed, and breathless. They eventually dropped out of school in their sophomore and senior years of high school respectively. After that, the two children even regarded her as their enemy, refused to communicate with her, and left her alone at home every day. In fact, there is nothing wrong with parents expecting their children to become successful, but their fault lies in overdoing it. Excessive care is often accompanied by high expectations, high demands, and high pressure. Under the heavy burden, children either rebel and flee, or remain silentNo matter which one breaks out, it will cause harm to each other. Sarah, a Jewish mother in Shanghai, once pointed out repeatedly in her teaching book \”Extremely Cruel and Especially Loving\”: Chinese parents do not love their children or do not know how to love their children, but they love their children too much. Parents who don\’t know how to love are constantly making additions. As a result, the adults are exhausted and the children are in pain. Wise parents are good at making subtractions in their children\’s lives. 1. Reduce help and give children more opportunities to exercise. There is such a mother in \”Young Voice\”. She never holds her daughter in the palm of her hand, and rarely takes care of her daughter\’s life. As long as her daughter can do anything, she will let it go. So her daughter, when she first entered elementary school, could cook simple meals by herself. When I get older, I can cross the street, take the bus, and take the subway by myself. In the fifth grade, I was able to go to the vegetable market to buy food independently. Now that my daughter is in her first year of junior high school, she is independent and capable. No one needs to worry about her studies or life. My mother said: \”I love her very much, and these are my protection for her.\” Writer Anna Quindlen once said: \”The most successful love of parents is not to keep their children by their side, but to cultivate their children\’s independence and care for their children.\” Let go\”. Growth comes step by step. If you really think about your children, don\’t do too much for them. Take a step back so that your children can develop a pair of strong wings through training and rush to the future. 2. Reduce interference and give children more room to explore. More than 30 years of follow-up research by the School of Child Development at the University of Minnesota in the United States shows that in the process of children\’s growth, what matters is not how much knowledge is instilled or how much guidance is given. Rather, it helps them develop a series of valuable qualities, such as concentration, self-control, curiosity, responsibility, courage and self-confidence. The formation of these qualities requires parents to delegate power, talk less, manage less, demand less, and worry less. Just like the parents of Huawei\’s talented boy Zhang Ji, they never focused on learning, but gave him as many opportunities as possible to think and make choices; they gave him space to try, make mistakes, and explore. This will cultivate Zhang Ji’s soft skills such as thinking ability, thirst for knowledge, and self-confidence. Therefore, instead of asking your child to grow up according to your plan, it is better to let him grow up according to his own ideas. A life in which one has the final say is the source of children\’s initiative and progress, and is also the motivation for children to get up after they fall. 3. Reduce discipline and focus more on self-improvement. Lei Dongdong, principal of Shanghai Guanghua Cambridge, once said: \”Instead of spending time and energy on your children every day and trying to control every second of their children\’s growth, parents should do their own things well.\” As a mother, , she has been committed to self-growth. She loves reading and working, and devotes a lot of time and energy to her education. Looking at her mother\’s hard work and progress, her daughter does not need to control or push her, she can learn on her own initiative. After graduating from the third grade of junior high school, her daughter went to England to study alone, and was finally admitted to Oxford University. In this regard, my daughter expressed her gratitude: \”When I was growing up, my mother didn\’t give me much time, but she was a role model.\” As a saying goes: There is no other education, only role models. Instead of paying too much attention to their children and doing useless work, parents should spend more time and energy on themselves, constantlyLearn and improve. When you fly high, your children will follow you. Finally, let us use the words of the French educator Rousseau to remind each of us: \”The best education is the education of doing nothing.\” It is not that all the energy is put on the children, which is called attentiveness, nor is it that all the time is invested in education. , that’s called responsibility. With less protection, children can be more tempered. With less intervention, children can explore more. Less preaching and more role modeling will help children move forward in a direction. Give it a like and share it with parents and friends.