Dong Yuhui: Don’t pay too much attention to your children! Parents in the big picture have all achieved \”three less and one more\” (please check yourself)

When we take our children to ride bicycles in the community, we parents watch with fear and remind us from time to time: \”Stay to the right, keep to the right, don\’t twist around!\” \”Watch the road, don\’t fall!\” \”Ride slowly, The three of us should not ride side by side! \”Don\’t hit each other!\” \”Oh, pay attention to the brakes!\” They were sweating while riding, and I was sweating all over. I am afraid that if a reminder is not in place, the child will have another accident. I asked the aunt next to me: \”When we were children, we didn\’t have parents to worry so much about riding bicycles, right?\” The aunt said disdainfully: \”When you were children? Who cares about you? As long as you can go to school on time and come home before dinner. …\”Yes, why are today\’s parents generally exhausted both mentally and physically when raising children? Because all our energy is focused on our children, we take too much care of small things like this. I am afraid that my own child will be careless and will either hurt myself or someone else’s child; I am also afraid that other children will be careless and my child will be injured for no reason. This reminds me of a point Dong Yuhui once made in the live broadcast room: Don’t care too much about your children, because caring too much will only hurt your children. Controlling too much can indeed prevent a child from making some mistakes, but it also hinders his growth. This was just for fun after school, but it got so much \”attention\”. In daily life, parents put this kind of \”attention\” everywhere, which in turn causes various problems for their children. 1. \”Excessive attention\” in play, children have difficulty focusing on things like riding a bicycle mentioned above. When children are immersed in it, we frequently interrupt, eager to let them know what they are not doing well and give them help. Thinking that there is a better way to do it and nagging endlessly prevents the child from focusing on his own behavior. This phenomenon also occurs when children focus on a certain toy or read books that interest them. 2. \”Excessive focus\” on learning destroys children\’s internal drive. Today\’s parents pay the most attention to learning. When their children come home from school, the first words many parents say are \”What homework is left?\” or \”Let\’s study homework first.\” After finishing school homework, they also need to complete \”Mom\’s homework\”: test papers, tutoring materials, online Study and other additional learning tasks. In this process, the children will receive more \”guidance\”: in order to make the children do well, they will be supervised and assisted; in order to make them make fewer mistakes, they will be reminded over and over again; in order to prevent the children from taking detours, arrangements will be made in advance Good study assignment. Adults are always \”meddling\”, making children mistakenly believe that \”learning is not my own business\”, thus lacking a sense of autonomy. This kind of excessive attention makes parents take over their duties and at the same time undermines their children\’s enthusiasm for learning. This is how many children\’s drive is destroyed. Without internal drive, children will not take the initiative to learn. In terms of learning, there is very little that parents can do. The results of learning must ultimately be accomplished by the children themselves. It is more important than anything else to let children realize that learning is something they can control. In learning how to \”learn\”, what parents can do In many ways, creating good experiences for children and caring for their children\’s focus and interests are all testing the wisdom of parents. 3. \”Excessive attention\” in life weakensA child\’s \”sense of self-worth\”. Children accidentally spilling milk, soiling their clothes, and dropping rice grains when eating. Children\’s minor problems always lead to their parents\’ nagging, so all their energy is consumed on such small things. The question is, is this guidance and correction what the child needs? I should have been focusing on how to do one thing well, but in the end, I always faced my own mistakes in self-blame and panic: \”I can\’t seem to do anything well\”, \”I always make mistakes\”… Not only that, in the In life, parents\’ \”excessive concern\” is also reflected in \”making choices for their children.\” Using the excuse of \”for your own good\” and thinking that the child \”you are still young and you don\’t understand yet\”, they impose their will on the child: How can you not eat eggs? Eggs are nutritious! Your pen is not good, what’s the point of looking good? My mother chose this one! Don’t choose white clothes, they won’t bear stains! What parents think is \”good for their children\”, but what their children feel is a kind of neglect and denial. Children will think, \”My feelings are not important\” and \”My thoughts are not important\”, and their sense of self-worth is getting lower and lower. If raising a child makes you physically and mentally exhausted, if the child calls mommy when something happens, or shrinks when faced with a challenge, then the parents must have \”crossed the line\” in the parenting process. 1. The feeling of less intrusion into children. A netizen shared his own experience: When she was a child, her mother was afraid that she would catch a cold, so she always liked to bathe her with very hot hot water. She said every time: \”The water is too hot.\” But my mother always said: \”I don\’t think it\’s hot at all. I tried it, and it\’s fine. The washing water is cold…\” As the saying goes, you know whether you are hot or cold, and whether the water is hot or not is not up to the children, but to the parents. That’s it. Whether the food is delicious or not is not decided by the children but by the parents. Whether you like the hobby classes/stationery/clothes or not, the children don’t have to say, the parents have to say. Even when it comes to feeling loved or not, it is the parents who have the final say: I am doing this for your own good, and I am doing this because I love you. If parents only think from their own point of view and deny their children\’s thoughts and feelings, the children will close their hearts and no longer trust their parents due to repeated self-doubts. Only when we squat down and see the child\’s world can we truly see the child. The child\’s current feelings do not need to be corrected. A child\’s toy is picked up and played with by a child. The child doesn\’t think anything is wrong and does not feel \”being bullied\”. At this time, the parent becomes anxious: \”He took your toy, you want it back! You can\’t do this.\” You are being bullied!” On the other hand, when children do not lend their toys to other children, they will be taught: “You must learn to share! Toys are most fun when two people play together.” Many times, it is the parents. I\’m just feeling for the child. Only by respecting children\’s own feelings and allowing them to make decisions according to their own wishes can we allow children to live out their vitality and self. 2. Less \”guidance\” and encourage children to try and make mistakes. A blogger shared that he felt that he was an adult who respected his children and did not criticize them much until he saw the content of his own surveillance. One time, my son was practicing cooking. I did not criticize or yell, but what I said to my son was: \”This is wrong. You need to cut it into smaller pieces, otherwise it will be difficult to cook.\” \”This is wrong, you need to fry the chicken first.\”eggs and fried tomatoes. \”Wait, you can\’t do this. You have to go lower, otherwise the oil will splash out.\” \”…The camera was not close to the kitchen, so I couldn\’t see my son\’s expression at that time, but when I looked back at the video, I could feel the suffocation. I pointed fingers and gave the child absolutely no need for guidance. Sir, I really love guidance and think that guidance is a norm based on the experience of thirty or forty years of life. When children want to try new things, guidance from parents will follow, and the essence is that it is often accompanied by restraint and criticism. Say: You are wrong, I am right, only I know how to do this, and this can only be done this way. Right and wrong are only standards set by \”adults\”, even if it is not you, the \”adult\” before. \”. It is most meaningful to allow children to try out which method is better, and even bring about unexpected breakthroughs. Parents leave enough room for trial and error for their children, \”kindly remind them\” and \”give guidance \”, \”Pay attention next time\” can save you money. Even if the child really does something wrong, you can summarize it with the child afterwards, and they will consciously pay attention. 3. Intervene less and leave blank space for the child. Soviet educator Su Homlinsky once said: \”In the process of children\’s growth, the most important thing for parents to do is to let go, let them try what they want to try, and create an environment for their children to develop freely. Only in this way can children grow better.\” good. \”After becoming a mother, I always feel that I am so busy every day that I have no time for myself. What is my real time? It is the time that I can arrange independently, have the opportunity to talk to myself, and discover my inner needs. For children , the same thing. As they grow older, they need to have time to spend time with themselves and their friends. In other words, children need to be free from the arrangements and guidance of teachers and parents during the day. Encouragement or bad criticism, for a period of time, he was just playing around and \”freely exploring and thinking about life\”. He needed to understand what happiness, fulfillment, loss, and sadness were, so as to think about what happiness and accomplishment were. , self-confidence, to achieve a happy and happy life. No one can replace these. Parents must grasp the boundaries, help, and guide, but do not interfere too much to give their children enough space to \”grow wildly\”. 4. More parents. Take care of yourself Jaspers said: \”The essence of education is that one tree shakes another tree, one cloud pushes another cloud, one soul awakens another soul. \”In fact, it means that if you want to educate your children well, parents must first be good themselves. Excessive attention will not only put psychological pressure on the children, but also make parents more anxious and tired. Everyone\’s time is limited every day, and all time should be used When it comes to paying attention to your children, you don\’t pay enough attention to yourself. An exhausted parent is unlikely to be of any benefit to the child. On the contrary, parents can only improve their children\’s characteristics and life by taking good care of themselves. It is the way and thinking and cognition that can have a greater impact on children. They have plans for the future, constantly improve their work skills, and increase their income; they can improve the interpersonal relationships in daily life such as parent-child relationships and husband-wife relationships; and have a healthy life.Life style, exercise more, eat healthy and nutritious food, have scientific work and rest habits; have a growth mindset, do not use \”I can\’t\” or \”I don\’t understand\” to escape, have the courage to try to make changes; have the ability to think and solve problems independently ability. A good parent is one who pays attention and lets go at the same time. \”Don\’t pay too much attention to your child.\” This not only gives the child space to solve problems on his own, but also shows patience and confidence in him, which is the most beneficial to his growth.