Don’t be the mountain that blocks your children

A few days ago, I was having dinner with a friend. She complained to me that her three-year-old son was \”lazy\” and liked to \”play wildly\”: \”I took him to the mall during the holidays. The other children in the mall were very happy and had plenty to eat and play. I\’m so happy that he couldn\’t walk very far without making a fuss and wanting to go home. It was the same during the Chinese New Year. I took him to attend the temple fair. It was so fun. It only happened once a year. Last year I thought he was still young, but this year I feel like children can\’t understand folk customs. Culture can also be fun. But the kid was not happy when he was walking on the street. He had to be held by me. If he didn’t hold him, he said he was bored and wanted to go home. He is so old and still doesn’t want to walk by himself. This kid is so lazy. What will happen in the future? What can I do?\” \”Is the child really lazy?\” I thought for a while and asked. \”What do you mean?\” she asked me. \”If you were as tall as a child, have you ever thought about what the scenery would be like when you go shopping?\” Then I told her about a small conflict that happened at my house two weeks ago. That weekend, my husband was cleaning up the house, which was like a tornado passing through. Guoguo was playing house with a toy kitchen next to her father, while I was packing clothes in the room. Everything was fine at first, but not long after I heard the child crying and howling, I hurriedly ran out to take a look. \”What happened?\” It turned out that she suddenly asked for her \”little doctor\’s box\”. This is a set of toys I bought when she was about two years old. It looks like a portable plastic box. After opening it, it contains all the props needed to play the \”little doctor game\”, such as simulated stethoscopes, eyes, thermometers, and syringes. , dental mirrors, etc., all very cute. The child likes it very much and always carries her \”visit box\” to \”see doctors\” in her family. Whenever she says to me like a little adult, \”You have a fever, does it hurt somewhere? Don\’t cry, I\’ll show you.\” I feel particularly happy – the child is playing \”playing house\” , organize language and behavior, and learn to express concern for others. Hearing my inquiry, Guoguo, who was lying on the sofa crying, raised his head and said, \”Dad has put away the little doctor\’s box, but I can\’t find it!\” He dropped this sentence and started crying again. I looked up at my husband. He looked a little bit framed and explained, \”I told you several times, isn\’t it right there? Why don\’t you go and get it yourself?\” \”Where is it?\” Guo Guo said on her side. He said while wiping tears with his little hands. \”It\’s on the TV cabinet!\” My husband said, pointing. \”Where is it? I can\’t see it!\” \”Aren\’t I pointing it out to you? Follow my hand and look.\” \”No! Oh…\” Guoguo started crying again. It turns out that in order to clean the sofa and coffee table, my husband put all the children\’s toys into storage shelves and toy cabinets, and the \”visit box\” was placed on the TV cabinet. But there is a small drawing board in front of the TV cabinet, which is about the same height as the child. I estimate that from the child\’s sight, it almost covers most of it – this dispute is really not worth it. I patted my husband and said, \”Squat down and take a look.\” He was sitting on the sofa, a lot shorter. \”Is it a bit blocked?\” I asked. \”Oh… But you can still see it.\” He defended, \”I pointed it out very clearly. Just walk over and take a look…\” I glanced at him: \”The child can\’t see it, and he doesn\’t expect it if he gets closer. It can solve the problem.\” I pulled the sobbing Guoguo to the front of the TV cabinet: \”You see, what dad just said is the small medicine box is here, I found it! Guoguo was as happy as if she had discovered a treasure: \”Haha, I found it!\” thanks Mom! Let me see you. \”The little guy immediately switched from the \”unreasonable making trouble\” mode to the \”little cotton-padded jacket\” mode, and pulled me to greet me. Is the child really making trouble unreasonably? My husband thinks the child is \”lazy\” and refuses to go and get it by himself. He also cries and moans a little. He did not solve the problem, and he became more and more irritable. But in fact, from the child\’s vision, it was a completely different feeling. She did not see it, and she did not expect that she could \”clear the clouds and see the sky\” by walking over. In psychology, there is A very famous experiment is called the \”Three mountain problem\”, which was designed by the famous child psychologist Piaget in the 1940s. In the experiment, there was a sandbox model with three mountains in different colors and markings. There are mountains. There is a house on one mountain, a red cross on the top of another mountain, and another mountain covered with snow. Have the child sit on one side of the table, put the doll on the other side, and ask \”What does the doll see?\” \”It was found that it was difficult for the children to answer. There were two tests in the experiment. One was that the staff showed the children photos of three mountains taken from different angles, and asked the children to pick out the photo seen from the perspective of the doll; the other was Give children three pieces of cardboard and ask them to arrange the three mountains according to what the doll sees. The experimental results found that children under the age of 8 generally cannot succeed, while most children under the age of 6 choose photos or build models. All are consistent with their own perspective of observation, not the doll\’s. Based on this experiment, Piaget proposed the cognitive characteristic of children in the preoperational stage (2-7 years old) – egocentrism, that is, they can only observe from their own perspective. Look at the problem and think about the problem from a different perspective. After the child is 2 years old, there are always parents who worry that the child is disobedient and has become ill-intentioned. What if the child continues to be selfish or too willful? He must be managed and educated! Yes, 6 We can tolerate a child who is 3 months or 1 year old and wants the world to revolve around him. However, when he is three or four years old and in elementary school, it is not acceptable to continue to be \”ignorant\”! As everyone knows, children are not actually selfish. Willful and unreasonable, but at the 2-7 stage, human cognitive development is at this level. It turns out that the world seen and felt from a child\’s perspective is fundamentally different from what we see. Just like a friend\’s child does not like When you go shopping with adults, you have to hold them, otherwise you will say you are bored and want to go home. Do you really feel tired? What would it be like if we squatted down and watched the lively temple fair? There are bustling crowds and people everywhere. The legs walking around, the food stalls on the roadside, the beautiful colorful flags, and the interesting performances are all invisible… If it were me, I would feel bored too. The \”Three Mountains\” experiment shows that children under 8 years old cannot see , we can’t imagine the whole picture of the mountain, and the child’s behavior has a reasonable explanation. But what about ourselves? If we, as parents, always understand the problem from our perspective, we feel that the child grows up day by day, and can not only talk and communicate , and will gradually develop the ability to understand logic, it will be taken for granted that the childWe should be \”obedient\” according to the rules of the adult world, otherwise we are \”unbehaved\”, but we rarely consider that from a child\’s perspective, our demands are unreasonable. Take my husband as an example. He could solve the problem by holding the child\’s hand and walking together, but he has to argue and insist on it – who is lazy? Who didn\’t see it? Many times, isn\’t our behavior equivalent to leaving the child alone at the experimental table with \”three mountains\” and standing at the height of God to point and boss around? The sun and moon reincarnate, the stars change, and the children grow up day by day. While we are happy for our children\’s mental growth, we are also troubled by the increasing parent-child conflicts. But in fact, there is a wonderful solution for children\’s \”not understanding, disobedience, and confrontation\” – squat down and see the world from a child\’s perspective. When you squat down, you will see the changes in the surrounding environment. The house is so high and the table is so far away. Everything is full of curiosity and adventure. When you squat down, you will see the world in the eyes of a child. The sky is pink and the airplane Swimming around like a fish, the doll will cry sadly; when you squat down, you will understand that the child\’s heart is so clear, there is no \”intention\”, let alone \”intention\”, even the so-called stubbornness and temper, It\’s all justified. Squat down our bodies and squat down our hearts. Life gives us experience and superficiality. It is too easy for us to look at things and think about problems from a high position. The real understanding is the understanding of the child\’s psychology. Real parent-child education is always based on \”understanding\”. Dear, squat down and don’t let yourself become the mountain that blocks your children. Only by holding his hand and walking around the ups and downs of growing up can we truly see the world from a different perspective. Children are like this, and so are we.