Don\’t let rebellious children ruin your life

A parent once came to me and said, \”Why aren\’t other people\’s children so annoying? Why am I so unlucky to have such an unlucky child? They just don\’t listen to me. No matter what I say, he (she) will do anything to him?\” He is only ten years old, but he points at my nose, scolds me, and tells us to get out… How can he be a son? He is simply an enemy?\” Then he listed the child\’s various bad behaviors: he often loses his temper, gets angry easily, and blatantly refuses to press the button. Asking for things, making unreasonable demands, intentionally annoying others, and being resentful and malicious towards others\’ unintentional words… We often attribute children\’s rebellion to adolescence. In fact, surveys by psychologists and educationists point out that rebellion Rebellious behavior does not only exist due to physical development during adolescence. Children of all ages may be rebellious. There is no data to suggest that certain types of families (such as those with single parents or unstable marriages) are more likely to have rebellious children. Rebellious children exist in families of all economic levels and educational levels. Even the sons of college professors may have extremely rebellious emotions and behaviors during adolescence. Rebellious children often make parents feel that life is more difficult and work is not easy. In addition, when they go home and face their children\’s unreasonable troubles, they can\’t stand a finger in the situation, and they may even lose their original enthusiasm for life. Some parents think that they are not education experts, and if they cannot teach their children well, they will leave them to others to take care of. So they choose to turn a blind eye and pin their hopes on other children at home, so they adopt the method of \”cold treatment\” by sending them to boarding schools. Some parents admit that they did not have time to accompany their children in the early stages of their growth, so they have a lot of responsibility for making their children have bad tempers. But now that the situation has happened, they really can\’t do anything and can only let it develop. These ideas and practices are extremely wrong. There was once a child who skipped school, got into fights, and did not abide by school rules. After repeating a grade more than once, his parents had no choice but to send him to a military-managed boarding school in the south. Later, the child who went to boarding school studied for less than a year and returned to a technical school and learned a trade. I heard from other students that during the class reunion, the child was generous and kind, and was polite to everyone, but was particularly impatient when answering phone calls from his parents. It seemed that the relationship with his parents had never eased. In the more than ten years I have been teaching, I have seen the practice of sending children to other places for centralized education and management to be used by parents more than once, but the actual results are not optimistic. Often the communication link between children and parents is not smooth to begin with, and the influence of geography further aggravates this gap. Even after children grow up and become \”sensible\”, it will be difficult to open the door to spiritual communication with their parents; some children may even think that they have been abandoned by their parents and feel resentful. If you have a child that causes you and your family a lot of headaches, as a parent, you must understand that helping your child get through the rebellious period and get on a normal life track is a responsibility you cannot shirk. You are not alone on this road. Many parents have also faced such problems. For scientific and reasonable solutions, you can turn to professional books and staff. butBrave attempts, patient persistence, and unconditional acceptance and love for your children are your obligations as parents. Psychologists point out that rebellious children have varying degrees of emotional intelligence deficiency. Emotional intelligence includes the ability of self-understanding, emotion management, self-motivation, understanding the emotions of others and the ability to deal with others. Then, when encountering problems, you are impatient and anxious, and do not know how to deal with and express them; you cannot concentrate on a specific goal, so you are easily distracted and hyperactive; you may misunderstand other people\’s opinions, take inappropriate countermeasures, and have unnecessary conflicts with others. Simply put, rebellious children lack the ability to understand and express their emotions and wishes, and always have unrealistic wishes. Then it is the task of parents to help them understand themselves better and get along with others and the environment more harmoniously. In the history of world literature, the most famous \”rebellious child\” should be regarded as the protagonist of Salinger\’s \”The Catcher in the Rye\”. If you want to understand the living conditions and psychological consciousness of an extremely rebellious teenager who wanders on the margins of society, you must read this book. \”I\’m going to be a catcher in the rye. There were a bunch of kids playing in a big field of wheat. There were tens of thousands of kids, and there wasn\’t an adult around, I mean – except me. And I was. That goddamn cliff. That\’s where my job is to keep watch. If any kid comes to the cliff, I\’m going to catch him—I mean, kids are running and they don\’t know where they\’re going. . I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. I do this all day long, I just want to be a catcher in the rye.\” This section is the most classic section in \”Wheat\”, and some people say it is the biggest His contribution is to contribute the word \”watch\” and use the metaphor of \”catcher in the rye\” to describe the work of teachers. The author believes that this is a misreading of this book. The rebellious protagonist hopes to be a \”watchman\” and prevent children from falling on the edge of the cliff. This is actually a reflection of his own confusion and worry in life. Those children were running in the wheat fields, with no reason, no purpose, and no concept of time, just running wildly. This is the protagonist\’s own confused life state. The \”job\” of catching a child near a cliff is to worry about oneself. I can\’t see the future and direction, but I am very afraid of accidentally falling into the \”abyss\” of eternal destruction. This is the mental state of this rebellious boy. \”We do live a difficult life. We have to withstand all kinds of external pressures and face our own inner confusions. When you are struggling, if someone looks at you with understanding, you will feel the warmth of life. Maybe just a brief glimpse is enough to make me excited.\” The rebellious boy\’s heart is so weak and so eager to be understood. Even a little kind glance made him grateful. The hard \”shell\” that is inaccessible tries its best to resist everything around it, becoming enemies with family members, others, and the environment. In this living condition, this rebellious child is extremely fragile and helpless. When we understand the weak inner world of \”rebellious children\”, it helps us take a crucial step. So, as a parent, how do you help your rebellious children mature? First, Take care of yourself and take care of your marriage and family. A harmonious family and a stable and happy marriage have hidden benefits in reducing children\’s rebellious behavior. In the minds of young children, there is only the difference between \”good\” and \”bad\”, and they cannot yet understand the disputes between adults. Children are prone to self-doubt. Is it because I am not good enough to make my parents quarrel? Is it because they don’t want me and don’t love me anymore? In a family, no matter which parent starts a \”war\” against the other, the children will face the problem of \”taking sides.\” It is undoubtedly very painful for children to feel that they need to choose between their parents. When the child is older, if the child\’s emotional needs cannot be met, he will \”express\” his needs and dissatisfaction with his parents in a rebellious way. These will become the reasons for children\’s bad behavior. If a parent raises a child alone, he or she must make it clear to the child that both mom and dad love the child and that adult reasons have nothing to do with the child; one\’s own likes and dislikes cannot influence a child\’s feelings toward their parents. Because if you sow the seeds of hatred, what you will reap is definitely not joy and happiness. Don\’t spend all your energy on your children, allow yourself to keep your hobbies and living space. Occasionally, you can live a \”two-person world\” with your partner. Because the atmosphere of happiness and joy is contagious, maintaining a good mood can prevent you from being overwhelmed by bad moods when helping your children. Learn one or two ways to de-stress yourself, such as relaxation in yoga, to calm yourself down when you feel like getting angry. Recall the very cute image of the child in your mind. These good psychological hints will be of great help in establishing a healthy relationship with the child. Secondly, establish a new model of getting along with your children. Taking precautions and taking precautions before they happen are traditional ways of dealing with problems, and they are also applicable to educating children. Don\’t wait until your child gives you a headache before you think of a solution. Be an open-minded parent, learn to listen carefully to your children, and understand their feelings. Some parents prepare educational content as soon as their children open their mouths. \”You said you didn\’t hear the request, how could other people\’s children know?\” \”You feel tired. Mom used to study later and didn\’t have her own desk…\” These common rhetoric from parents will close the relationship between their children and you. If you open the door of communication, you will inadvertently stand on the opposite side of your child. \”Mom doesn\’t understand me at all, and it\’s useless to say it anyway.\” Once a child thinks this way, rebellious emotions may arise. When making requests for your children, ask yourself, what is the purpose of such requests? Are your requests to make your children \”listen to you\” and establish your absolute authority at home? When you say \”yes\” and your child insists on saying \”no,\” you may be putting yourself and your child on the same intellectual level to compete for power. Then, absolute authority makes children obey you for a while, but it cannot give you admiration and recognition. If your child temporarily obeys your request, it does not mean that you \”controlled\” the situation; the next dispute may be bigger, and the child may have a more violent rebound. Let the children feel that they have the right to choose. When setting rules, let the childrenparticipate. When children feel recognized and accepted, they are likely to engage in more cooperative behaviors. When children are uncooperative, raising the decibel level not only doesn\’t work, it can be counterproductive. Walk up to your child, make eye contact, and make your request gently, firmly, and concisely. For specific methods, many very professional yet easy-to-understand books will provide you with more strategies, such as \”How to Speak So Your Children Will Listen\”, \”Positive Discipline A-Z\”, \”Rebellion Is Not the Child\’s Fault\”, etc. The last point is particularly important. Any of your attempts and efforts are the accumulation of quantitative changes to qualitative changes. Don’t expect any changes to happen overnight, be a confident and determined parent. Give your children more praise and encouragement. When you find that your child\’s behavior has improved, don\’t begrudge the power of praise. Any cooperative and proactive behavior is praiseworthy. \”You didn\’t grab anything with your brother today. I\’m really proud of you.\” \”Look, your homework is much neater today than yesterday. It\’s really good.\” Sincere and specific praise from parents will give children a sense of recognition. . Don’t forget to give yourself some positive encouragement, too. \”I didn\’t lose my temper with my child today. I calmly told him that he couldn\’t do this. This is my progress.\” Positive self-talk can give you more confidence to persist and try. Believe in yourself, no one can replace the position of parents in the growth of their children, no one can give your children better help than you, and no one is born a perfect parent. Growing up with your children is a lifelong mission and goal.