Don’t let the arrival of your second child turn into harm to another child

If you are not fully prepared, please do not let the second child break into your life easily. Before we got married, I made an agreement with my husband that we would only have one child, whether it’s a boy or a girl, and we would love him well, and when he grows up, we would live our own lives. Our daughter arrived with a mentality of letting things take their own course. The first time I saw her little baby in the B-ultrasound and the first time I heard her fetal heartbeat, I was so excited. From the operating table to the ward, looking at the little pink person lying next to me, I couldn\’t help but shed tears. I told myself in my heart that I would give her the best and most complete love in this life. My husband is an only child, and my parents-in-law also know that we only plan to have one, so they naturally dote on this only granddaughter. Although the family has a modest income, they still give her what she wants. went. When our daughter was three years old, another little life unexpectedly broke into our lives. At the family meeting, even though I told my mother-in-law that this was an unexpected pregnancy and that I had drunk some wine and taken cold medicine and motion sickness medicine at a party with my sisters because I didn’t know that during that period, my mother-in-law insisted on letting me give birth and even gave birth to her. The husband who didn’t want the child scolded her. As for me, on the one hand, in order to take care of family harmony, on the other hand, due to my natural maternal instinct, I finally decided to keep this little baby. A stable life has changed since then. After learning about the existence of the second child, my mother-in-law\’s attitude changed. I tell my daughter a bedtime story every day before going to bed. Since I had my second child, whenever my daughter crawls to me with a storybook, looks at me intently and asks me to tell her a story, my mother-in-law will say , there is a little brother in mom’s belly, don’t disturb mom. In order not to discredit my daughter\’s sexuality, I insisted on telling her. After I decided to keep the second child, I also read a lot of articles about the second child. I knew that the first child was particularly sensitive during this period. I didn’t want my younger daughter to stop loving her because she thought her mother had another baby. The little brother my mother-in-law talks about appears more and more often. \”Mom has a little brother in her belly. Don\’t hug her so tightly, or you may crush the little brother.\” \”When the little brother comes out, you will become a sister, so you have to hold onto the little brother.\” . . . . . My daughter once weakly asked me, \”Mom, grandma doesn\’t love me anymore?\” I was also stressed out by being called \”little brother\” countless times every day, and I was so annoyed that once my mother-in-law knitted a blue sweater. Later we were told that this was reserved for the little brother to wear. I finally couldn\’t help but darken my face and stopped calling him little brother. I didn\’t know whether he was a boy or a girl, so I just called him baby. After that my ears were finally quiet for a while. Finally, as her mother-in-law wished, she gave birth to a younger brother. The family\’s attention shifted to his younger brother. My daughter is also full of love for this new brother. She often wants to hug and touch him, but is often stopped by her parents-in-law. I held her little hand and let her touch her brother\’s smooth skin, telling her that both of them were mother\’s favorite babies. Her little face filled with grievances just now had a smile. Although I know in my heart that I need to pay more attention to Dabao, the frequent waking up at night to breastfeed and my restless younger brother, as well as the disagreements and friction with my mother-in-law over various trivial matters take away most of my energy. My husband is not around, so I can’t talk a lot.Speaking of which, I suffered from mild postpartum depression and reduced my interaction with my daughter. Before giving birth, my daughter slept with her mother-in-law. During the confinement period, because it was inconvenient, she still slept with her mother-in-law, and she has always been very good. But one night she stayed by my side and didn\’t want to leave. She acted coquettishly and wanted to sleep with me. I tried to persuade her patiently and softly, but to no avail. The mother-in-law had a sudden attack and scolded her daughter in a loud voice, \”Don\’t you know, mommy has to take care of her brother at night? Why are you so ignorant now that you are a sister?\” My daughter threw herself into my arms with a cry of \”Wow\” and cried. I have never heard my daughter cry like this. It was not like a child crying, but like an adult venting loudly the pain and grievances he had accumulated for a long time. Listening to her crying, I burst into tears and said angrily to my mother-in-law, she is only four years old! That night, I was squeezed between the two babies. I endured the pain of the caesarean section scar that had not yet healed and stayed up all night. I couldn\’t fall asleep listening to my daughter\’s intermittent sobbing in her sleep. For the first time, I began to wonder if my decision to give birth to my younger brother was wrong. Two days later, my daughter\’s class teacher sent me a message. The little girl had been in a low mood recently, and her eyes were red before she even opened her mouth. She said there was a little brother in the family and she had no love for him. I realized that our selfish decisions and attitudes as adults have caused great harm to my daughter’s young mind. Once upon a time, she was the little princess of her grandparents, who doted on her more than her parents. Now, at only four years old, she is required to put her younger brother first in everything. The huge gap is unbearable for her. I couldn\’t change the attitude of my elders that was rooted in the bone marrow, so I tried to take her away from such a growing environment. After discussing it with my husband, we contacted a kindergarten where he works. My brother went on summer vacation not long after he was one month old, and I brought both children to my husband. I feel safe letting my daughter play with her brother, knowing that she will not hurt him. Let her be a little teacher and tell her brother the picture book stories I told her. She told her younger brother, who has not yet grown up, to take good care of her sister. My daughter immediately said warmly, \”I also have to take good care of my brother.\” Take them to play outdoors. When the younger brother learns to walk, it is the older sister who leads him on the lawn. It is very hard to raise two children by one person, but watching them grow up healthily, my daughter no longer feels that she has lost the love of her family. Instead, she knows how to love her family better, which is very gratifying. My brother, who is now three years old, will tell his sister, don’t be afraid that I will protect you. When my sister doesn\’t want to play with her little brother and asks her to make a choice, my sister will say, \”This is my brother and I won\’t leave him alone.\” Just these two sentences make my heart melt. Having a second child is indeed a test for a family, but that does not mean that having a second child is discouraged. The process of raising children is difficult, but when you see the two babies growing up and loving each other, you will feel that it is worth the hard work. Apart from material conditions, I would like to give some advice to parents who are planning to have a second child: before preparing to have a second child, respect the eldest child, inform the arrival of the new member, and tell him that he will not not love him enough because of the arrival of the younger brother and sister. He feels safe enough. Reach a consensus with the elders in the family, especially those who favor boys over girls (except if the eldest son is a boy),Don\’t have a big change in your attitude towards your eldest child before and after pregnancy. In the six months after the second child is born, there will be one member of the family who can give the eldest child no less attention than before. Trust the eldest child and give him enough space when interacting with his younger siblings. You can\’t tell him with a tough attitude that he must give way to his younger siblings. Harmony is mutual. Why have a second child? I have seen the best answer: having a second child is not because we have money or time, nor because we must have a boy or a girl, but because in this indifferent and utilitarian world – we want to give children Leave one more relative behind. On the long road of life, they support each other. They have become each other\’s playmates. When they need company, they are not alone when each other is there. I hope that every family’s second child can fulfill the original intention of loving each other and not cause harm to another child.