Don’t let threats and intimidation devour your child’s sense of security

When we were children, we were often threatened by our parents, \”If you cry again, mommy won\’t want you anymore,\” \”If you don\’t obey, the police will come and arrest you,\” and \”Take you to the hospital for injections.\” Such words came from our parents\’ mouths constantly, and we The young mind wanted to be hit with a heavy hammer and did not dare to act disobediently again. But parents don’t know that while they have achieved a temporary victory, they have frightened away their children’s sense of security. The negative impact of this intimidation will not disappear with the passage of time, but will remain deeply impressed and even affect their children. A child\’s life. The shadow of a loss of security may accompany children throughout their lives, and many adult mental illnesses are rooted in experiences related to being intimidated as children. My nephew has been afraid to go to the toilet by himself recently. I was very curious and asked him why? He said he was afraid of ghosts. I was stunned: \”Who told you there are ghosts?\” \”Grandma said it. Grandma said there are many ghosts at night. The ghosts specialize in eating disobedient children, and the ghosts live in the toilet!\” The children were too scared to look at them. When I went out, I was very heartbroken because I remembered what I had experienced when I was a child. When I was little, I loved to cry. Whenever I cried, my parents would always scare me and say: If I cry again, a big tiger will come and eat me. When I wanted to go out to play at night, they would scare me and tell me that I couldn\’t go out because there were ghosts at night who specialized in eating people. They also said that ghosts were so scary and powerful that even my parents couldn\’t defeat them. Being frightened, I was particularly afraid of the dark and the unknown. When I was about seven years old and I had a younger brother, I would have dinner at home and then go to my grandma’s house to sleep. Because there is a long road between my parents\’ house and my grandma\’s house. There is a big pothole in the middle of this road. I am timid and scared when walking on the road, so I begged my mother to send me to my grandma\’s house. But my mother said incredulously: \”You are such an adult and have become a sister. What is there to be afraid of?\” I knew from my mouth that it was a very scary thing. While I was talking, I felt like there were countless scary eyes looking at me in the darkness, wanting to devour me. \”Where is the ghost? Have you seen it?\” \”You told me…\” But before I could finish speaking, my mother went to look after my brother, and I didn\’t have the courage to ask my serious father. So I often walked in the dark with trepidation, and the road to grandma\’s house became even longer. I often feel a chill on my back, as if something is following me. I dare not look back. I am afraid of the rustling noise coming from the haystacks on the roadside. I think it is a lunatic in the village. My mother said that he will not The obedient child turned into a psychopath like him. In fact, now that I think about it, it might have been a little hedgehog or a weasel. I didn’t even dare to speed up, as it seemed that the scary ghosts would see through my mind and they would speed up to eat me. That feeling of nervousness and fear still lingers in my heart when I think about it now. The impact of this experience on me is that I am afraid of the dark. I dare not walk at night by myself, and I dare not stay alone in a yard. I took my little nephew\’s hand, accompanied him to the toilet, and then told him that there are no ghosts in the world, but if he is afraid, he can tell me at any time and I will accompany him. Afterwards, I told my mother about the incident again to prevent her from frightening the child at will.Although many parents now realize the importance of helping their children establish a sense of security, most of the time they do not know that the threatening words they blurt out may instantly swallow up the sense of security they have finally established. Know that it is much easier to destroy than to build. What is most likely to make children lose their sense of security is an unintentional remark from a parent. It is often a joke-like remark made by a parent, which will be taken seriously by innocent and lovely children, thus having an impact on their entire lives. I worked as a kindergarten teacher for a while. I remember there was a little boy in the kindergarten who didn’t like to talk and was very shy. When he had an argument with other children, he would secretly shed tears without asking the teacher for help. Sometimes he would lower his head when I spoke to him. Dodge. I accidentally chatted with his mother. His mother said that he is lively and cute at home. Why does the child behave completely opposite at home and in kindergarten? I know that there must be something in his heart that we don\’t know, so I often chat with him and encourage him when playing games, because I don\’t want a child to feel that going to kindergarten is an unhappy experience. After my unremitting efforts, in the second semester he stopped being hostile and evasive towards me, and opened his heart to me. He told me that his mother would tell him when he was disobedient at home. If he disobeyed, he would tell the teacher and the teacher would beat him. So in his heart, teachers are a very scary existence. The root cause was finally found. It turned out that his mother\’s unintentional threat caused the child to misunderstand the teacher, so the child felt very insecure when facing the teacher. I held his hand and asked, \”Do you think the teacher is scary? Has the teacher ever hit you?\” \”It\’s not scary, I haven\’t.\” \”Then why don\’t you go home and tell your mother, tell her that the teacher loves you?\” Hitting people. But you also have to listen to your mother. If you feel that what your mother says is wrong, don’t cry and tell your mother what you think.” The next day, the child’s mother came to deliver the child and took the child to class. I talked to the child\’s mother about this again. After listening to what the child said, the child\’s mother was surprised and said: \”I didn\’t think so much. I just think he admires the teacher very much. If the teacher hits him, he will be afraid. The consequences will be so serious.\” \”What do you think?\” \”You will not only make the child no longer worship the teacher, but also make the child fear the teacher for the rest of his life, what do you think?\” His mother probably didn\’t think that much and just used the teacher to calm the child temporarily, but This misunderstanding of the teacher may follow the child for a lifetime, affecting the child\’s academic performance and interpersonal relationships, and the consequences are more serious than we think. Please don\’t scare your children. If they don\’t obey, the police will come to arrest them. Instead, tell them to seek help in time when they are in trouble and the police will protect them. Please don\’t scare your children and take them to the hospital for injections if they don\’t eat well. In this way It will make children fearful of injections, so that they will resist them when they really need them; please do not tell your children that the teacher will punish them if they disobey, which will make them afraid of the teacher, even affect their interest in learning, and cause them to be tired of learning. … Intimidating children can make them fearful, timid, sensitive, suspicious, and insecure, and can lead to misunderstandings about many things.Distrust of parents. Intimidation-based education can do more harm than good. Please don’t intimidate your children casually just for temporary convenience.