Don\’t pay too much attention to your children, parents must learn to let go

On the green boulevard of the community, several of us parents accompanied our children on their bikes. Our hearts tightened and we issued anxious reminders from time to time: \”Remember to keep to the right and don\’t sway left and right!\” \”Keep your eyes on the road, safety is the first priority. \”One, don\’t fall!\” \”Slow down, the three little guys don\’t charge side by side, be careful!\” \”Oh, remember to brake and pay attention to pedestrians on the road!\” The children were sweating profusely while riding. As bystanders, we are also sweating because of excessive worry, and our hearts are full of fear, fearing that if we are slightly negligent, something will happen to our children. I lamented to the aunt next to me: \”Looking back at us riding bikes when we were young, our parents didn\’t seem to worry so much, right?\” The aunt chuckled lightly and said in a nostalgic tone: \”At that time? How could anyone stare at you like this? You? As long as you remember to go to school on time and get home before school, that is the greatest freedom…\” Yes, it makes people think deeply, why do parents generally feel exhausted mentally and physically with today\’s parenting journey? The reason may be that we focus too much on every detail of our children, and these seemingly insignificant things cause us to unconsciously interfere too much. We are not only afraid that our children will not be aware of the seriousness and hurt themselves or others; we are also worried that other people\’s children are not careful enough and our babies will be harmed innocently. It is true that too much intervention may prevent some mistakes from happening, but it also limits children\’s self-exploration and growth. 01 This is just for fun after school, but there is so much \”attention\”. In daily life, parents put this kind of \”attention\” everywhere, which in turn causes various problems for their children. 1. \”Excessive attention\” in play, children have difficulty focusing on things like riding a bicycle mentioned above. When children are immersed in it, we frequently interrupt, eager to let them know what they are not doing well and give them help. Thinking that there is a better way to do it and nagging endlessly prevents the child from focusing on his own behavior. This phenomenon also occurs when children focus on a certain toy or read books that interest them. 2. \”Excessive focus\” on learning destroys children\’s internal drive. Today\’s parents pay the most attention to learning. When their children come home from school, the first words many parents say are \”What homework is left?\” or \”Let\’s study homework first.\” After finishing school homework, they also need to complete \”Mom\’s homework\”: test papers, tutoring materials, online Study and other additional learning tasks. In this process, the children will receive more \”guidance\”: in order to make the children do well, they will be supervised and assisted; in order to make them make fewer mistakes, they will be reminded over and over again; in order to prevent the children from taking detours, arrangements will be made in advance Good study assignment. Adults are always \”meddling\”, making children mistakenly believe that \”learning is not my own business\”, thus lacking a sense of autonomy. This kind of excessive attention makes parents take over their duties and at the same time undermines their children\’s enthusiasm for learning. This is how many children\’s drive is destroyed. Without internal drive, children will not take the initiative to learn. In terms of learning, parents can do very little, and the results of learning must ultimately be accomplished by the children themselves. It is more important for children to realize that learning is something they can control; in learning how to \”learn\”, parentsMothers can do a lot. Creating good experiences for their children and caring for their children\’s focus and interests all test their wisdom. 3. \”Excessive attention\” in life weakens children\’s \”sense of self-worth.\” Children accidentally spill milk, soil their clothes, and drop rice grains when eating. Children\’s minor problems always lead to their parents\’ nagging, so all their energy is consumed here. Plant small things. The question is, is this guidance and correction what the child needs? I should have been focusing on how to do one thing well, but in the end, I always faced my own mistakes in self-blame and panic: \”I can\’t seem to do anything well\”, \”I always make mistakes\”… Not only that, in the In life, parents\’ \”excessive concern\” is also reflected in \”making choices for their children.\” Using the excuse of \”for your own good\” and thinking that the child \”you are still young and you don\’t understand yet\”, they impose their will on the child: How can you not eat eggs? Eggs are nutritious! Your pen is not good, what’s the point of looking good? My mother chose this one! Don’t choose white clothes, they won’t bear stains! What parents think is \”good for their children\”, but what their children feel is a kind of neglect and denial. Children will think, \”My feelings are not important\” and \”My thoughts are not important\”, and their sense of self-worth is getting lower and lower. 02 If raising a child makes you physically and mentally exhausted, if the child calls mom when something happens, or shrinks when faced with a challenge, then the parents must have \”crossed the line\” in the parenting process. 1. Less intrusion into the child\’s feelings. A netizen recalled a fragment of her childhood: At that time, her mother always liked to bathe her in boiling hot water out of concern for her health. Every time she gently protested that \”the water is too hot,\” her mother always responded gently but firmly: \”I think the temperature is just right. I tried it and it got cold after washing.\” Behind this, there is a common phenomenon hidden. ——In the perceptual world of children and parents, whose words are more authoritative? Not only the temperature of the water, but also the taste of the dishes on the table, the choice of extracurricular interests, the preferences for stationery and clothing, and even the feeling and understanding of love, all seem to depend more on the judgment and interpretation of the parents. \”I\’m doing this for your own good\” and \”This is because I love you\”, behind these words may be hidden the neglect and replacement of the child\’s true feelings. When parents habitually look at everything from their own perspective, their children\’s voices and feelings are easily drowned out. Growing up in such an environment, children may gradually lose self-confidence, question their own judgment, and eventually put a lock on the door of their hearts and quietly close the door of communication with their parents. True understanding and connection require us to bend down and explore the world from a child\’s perspective. This means respecting and accepting every child’s feelings in the moment without rushing to correct or judge. Imagine that when a child\’s toys are taken away by peers to play with, but the child himself does not feel offended, the parent\’s excessive intervention – \”Get it back quickly, don\’t let others bully you!\” – may actually make the child feel confused and confused. Puzzled. Similarly, when children choose not to share toys, they are taught to \”learn to share\”. This contradictory message leaves children at a loss as to what to do. In fact, many times, we unconsciously experience our children’s emotions and choices for them. In order to allow children to grow freely, showTo express the vitality and self of life, we should learn to let go, respect and encourage children to make decisions according to their own wishes. Only in this way can they bravely go their own way in the journey of life. 2. Less \”guidance\” and encourage children to try and make mistakes. Adults often tend to over-instruct. They regard this behavior as a necessary norm, a valuable experience inheritance based on the accumulation of time and lasting for thirty or forty years. When a child tries new things out of curiosity, guidance from parents comes in like a tide, and there are many voices of restraint and reproach. The subtext behind this actually emphasizes: \”What you did is wrong, and I am right. Only I know how to do this, and it must be done in my way.\” However, this kind of \”right or wrong\” \”The concept is only based on the standards set by adults themselves or their predecessors. It is not the absolute truth, nor is it universally applicable. What is really beneficial to children\’s growth is to give them full freedom to experiment and make mistakes, because only in this way can they personally verify which method is more effective, and may even achieve unexpected innovations and transcendence in the process. The value of this kind of experience and lessons gained through practice is far greater than any empty preaching. Therefore, as parents, we should learn to let go, reserve enough room for trial and error for our children, and reduce unnecessary \”well-intentioned reminders\” and \”direct guidance.\” When children do make mistakes, we can choose to review and summarize with them afterwards, and guide them to learn from their mistakes, so that they will pay more attention to and improve their behavior. 3. Intervene less and leave blank space for children. The outstanding Soviet educator Suhomlinsky once profoundly pointed out: \”On the journey of children\’s growth, the wisest thing for parents is to learn to let go and encourage their children to bravely try what they want. To pave a broad road for them to develop freely. Only in this way can children blossom into more brilliant flowers of growth. \”After becoming a mother, life seems to be filled with endless trivial matters, and personal time seems to have become a waste of time. Luxury goods are out of reach. So, what is real personal time? It is a precious moment when you can arrange as you wish, be able to meditate, listen to your inner voice, and discover your own needs. In the same way, children also need to have their own \”blank\” time during their growth journey, to be alone or in the company of friends, and enjoy unfettered freedom. During this period, they should temporarily get rid of the trajectory planned by the teacher, and put aside any positive incentives or negative corrections for the time being. They can play freely, explore as much as they want, roam in their inner world, and engage in profound thinking about life. Children need to personally experience happiness and satisfaction, and feel emptiness and sadness. Only through the intertwining of these emotions can they deeply understand the true meaning of happiness, the joy of achievement, and the power of self-confidence, thereby building the cornerstone of a happy and fulfilling life. These growth experiences are precious assets that cannot be replaced by any external force. Therefore, as parents, we should set boundaries wisely, not only provide necessary assistance and guidance, but also avoid excessive interference, and create an environment where children can \”grow freely and bloom wildly\”The vast world. 4. Parents should take more care of themselves. Jaspers once explained the true meaning of education in poetic language: \”Education is actually the resonance between lives – like a tree touching another tree, causing it to sway; a cloud Nudge another flower, painting the magnificence of the sky; one soul gently awakens the other, leading its awakening and growth. \”This sentence profoundly enlightens us that the key to educating children lies in the parents\’ own practice and growth. Excessive focus on children is not only difficult to promote their healthy growth, but may bring invisible psychological burdens to children, and also make parents fall into endless anxiety and exhaustion. After all, everyone’s time is precious. If you devote all of it to your children, the space for self-growth and nourishment will be ruthlessly squeezed. A parent who is exhausted both physically and mentally cannot hide his exhaustion in his words and deeds. Such a state is often difficult to give positive influence and strength to his children. On the contrary, only when parents can take good care of themselves, constantly improve themselves, and face life with fuller enthusiasm and wisdom, can they become a powerful motivation and role model for their children\’s growth. The quality, life attitude and way of thinking of parents are the key to their subtle influence on their children. This means that parents should actively plan for the future, continue to improve professional skills, and create a more solid economic foundation for the family; at the same time, they should also carefully maintain interpersonal relationships between parents and children, husband and wife, and create a harmonious and warm family atmosphere. In addition, a healthy lifestyle is also indispensable, including consistent exercise, a balanced diet, regular work and rest, etc. These will set a good life example for children. More importantly, parents should have a growth mindset, be brave enough to face challenges, dare to try new things, and keep learning and progressing with an open mind. Ultimately, having the ability to think and solve problems independently will enable parents to become their children’s strongest backers and wisest guides in their growth. 03 A good parent is one who pays attention and lets go at the same time. \”Don\’t pay too much attention to your child.\” This not only gives the child space to solve problems on his own, but also shows patience and confidence in him, which is the most beneficial to his growth.