Don’t put all the trouble of growing up on your parents

Recently, the different experiences of two celebrities have caused a stir on the Internet, triggering a wave of reflection on education. One is Dong Qing, who became famous again because of the poetry conference. At the poetry conference, Dong Qing\’s literary qualities amazed everyone. Netizens found out that Dong Qing’s success today is all due to Dong’s father’s “devil education”: Dong Qing was required to start copying idioms and memorize ancient Chinese prose in kindergarten, run 1,000 meters a day in elementary school, not look in the mirror, and go to restaurants during winter and summer vacations. Working… However, the consequences of this kind of education cast the shadow of childhood on the seemingly successful Dong Qing, so that many years later, she still couldn\’t help crying when talking about her father. The other one is Lin Miaoke, a child star who became famous at the Beijing Olympics that year. Nine years later, he failed to take the art exam and shook his head during the interview before the exam, which caused extreme dissatisfaction among netizens. Then more and more negative news about Lin Miaoke broke out on the Internet, such as poor professional skills, disrespect for old artists, and bad advertising movies just to make money. Everyone waited, and everyone couldn\’t help but ask: \”Why did such a cute girl become like this?\” After further investigation, it turned out that it was all caused by her parents. Her premature fame made her parents lose their minds and eager for quick success. They treated their daughter as a money-making machine at an age when she should be studying, pushing her to the forefront of public opinion. It’s true that parents succeed and fail. Are parents a disaster? I have no intention of commenting on whether the education of these two celebrities\’ parents was correct. What I am thinking of is: Is this kind of public opinion guidance that attributes all the problems and pains in growing up to the education of their parents? Is this overcorrection? As early as 2008, a very popular group appeared on Douban – Parents Are Disasters. In this group, everyone complains about the harm and influence their parents have had on them, and collectively \”crimes\” against their parents. All in all, all my pain and imperfections come from my family of origin. Once upon a time, I was one of them. Five years ago, not long after I gave birth to my child, I suffered from severe depression. At that time, I completely denied and hated myself. I felt like I was nothing and could not do anything well. At that time, I saw this theory, and I seemed to grasp a life-saving straw. I comforted myself that it turned out that everything was caused by the original family, not my fault. My low self-esteem stems from my mother never giving me praise; my pessimism stems from my mother complaining in front of me all day long; my inability to control my emotions stems from my mother scolding and suppressing me… I seem to have found the problem. s answer. However, this kind of \”crusade\” against my parents has no effect except occasionally making me feel better. The problem still exists. Not only that, the relationship between my mother and I is getting worse and worse. The more I look at her, the more I dislike her. Although I have been warning myself: Don’t be like her, I want to be an ideal mother! However, in the process of raising children, I was frequently frustrated. It was not until later that I sadly discovered that I had slowly become a nagging, complaining, and angry mother! So I began to blame myself and feel guilty again, and I hated myself and my mother even more. This was how a vicious cycle started. Is there no solution to the curse of the original family? I started to reflect. acknowledge parentsImperfectly accepting the limitations of our parents. Yes, on the one hand, attributing our own shortcomings and problems to our parents’ education does relieve our anxiety and guilt to a large extent, and makes us feel a lot more comfortable because blaming It is always easier for parents than to change themselves. However, on the other hand, when we try to shift all the responsibility to our parents, we will inevitably feel disappointed and painful that our parents cannot satisfy us. At the same time, if we put too much energy into \”crusade\” against our parents, we will Ignore the power of your own growth. The wise thing to do is to let go of all unrealistic expectations for your parents, realize that there are no perfect parents in this world, forgive your parents, and believe that your parents have done what they can given their wisdom, knowledge, environment, and ability. Do it to the best of your ability. Just imagine, in the previous generation\’s era of material and spiritual scarcity, how many parents could care about their children\’s psychological development and give their children sufficient love and freedom? If all of one\’s own problems are attributed to the education of one\’s parents, I am afraid that few people in this world will be able to grow up healthily. I believe that most parents have actually done the best they can at that time. They have no intention of harming us because they too were once \”wounded children.\” Only by recognizing the limitations of our parents and forgiving them can we gradually get rid of the influence of our original family. Everyone has their own growth energy. Seize every opportunity for self-healing. Yes, our parents are not good enough. They have not given us high-quality education and upbringing. That is because they have not received it during their growth. Pass. However, they have tried their best to raise us. While we see the limitations of our parents, we must not ignore our own growth energy. When we overemphasize the influence of our parents and say \”both parents are a disaster\”, what we ignore is the responsibility we should bear and the ability to create our own life state. The way our parents treat us does affect our interpretation of the world, but this influence is only part of it. The other, more important part, comes from ourselves. Destiny is always in your own hands. Although we were scarred in childhood, we still have many opportunities to cultivate ourselves in the rest of our lives and seize every opportunity for self-healing. In fact, everyone has super self-healing ability, and there are more than one opportunity to activate this ability, such as a beautiful marriage, a special illness experience, a bumpy journey, or the process of raising children… Once on the Internet I saw a girl who was often beaten, scolded and insulted by her parents when she was a child. When she grew up, she became inferior, sensitive, and world-weary. However, she was lucky enough to meet a boyfriend who was infinitely tolerant of her. In this relationship, she gradually completed herself. After the treatment, I became cheerful and sunny, and later repaired my relationship with my parents. Such an opportunity is indeed rare. In my opinion, for most people, there are two better ways to achieve their own healing. One way is to read and study. This is the most direct way. Many people have become different from their parents through reading and learning, and have stepped out of the shadow of their original family. For example, Dong Qing, she has already lived out her life through her own efforts, and reading has become a part of her life. She said: \”If I don\’t read for a few days, it will be as uncomfortable as a person who doesn\’t take a shower for a few days.\” Although she still sheds tears when talking about her childhood , but she finally understood her father completely. She said: \”I don\’t know if one day, after I have a child, I will treat him in this way… But now I feel that everything he asks me to do Everything is right.\” Speaking of Lin Miaoke, she has just turned 18 and has plenty of opportunities to turn her life around through her own studies. She no longer has to live in the shadow of her parents\’ arrangements. Another avenue is raising children. From my own experience, I found that in the process of raising children, the psychological scars that have been ignored, suppressed, injured, and feared since childhood will emerge one by one. I understand myself more clearly. I discovered that I couldn’t be perfect in everything, and I was hurting my children intentionally or unintentionally. Recognizing this, we can gradually accept our parents and forgive them for the harm they have caused us in the past. At the same time, we can be more tolerant of ourselves and don’t have to feel guilty and blame ourselves for occasionally losing our temper with our children. We cannot change the past, but we can change today and create the future. Only by letting go of your \”crusade\” against your parents, using your own mind, and letting yourself grow up can you save yourself.