Don\’t try to change your child, he has your shadow on him

When many mothers get together to talk about their children, they always hear one sentence, \”I don\’t want my children to be like me.\” A few days ago, a mother left a message saying: \”Father, my baby is 1 year and 7 months old, a boy, and others. The child feels a bit introverted in comparison. For example, when taking him to early childhood education, his mother has to hold her hand all the time. Other children play by themselves in class. He rarely plays by himself and needs his parents to accompany him. He talks gibberish at home and goes out. He doesn\’t make a sound, and doesn\’t call people very much, or calls people in a very low voice. Unlike other babies who are familiar with each other or can get familiar with unfamiliar people quickly. He never interacts with unfamiliar people, and it takes a long time to do so. Familiar. My father and I are also a bit introverted. How should we guide us in daily life? We don’t want him to be like us. \”Why can’t children be like you?\” He is with his parents every day. In a family atmosphere, he will definitely be influenced by the environment. Coupled with the influence of genetic factors, the personality and behavior will definitely be similar to that of the parents. So, don\’t try to change your child or compare him with other children. This will only increase worries and add a little more anxiety. Where I used to live, there was a supermarket downstairs. The game consoles in front of the supermarket were always crowded with children. There are also a few old faces, who seem to have become the little masters of those arcade machines, with superb skills and familiarity. I stay there and play until dark every day after school. At this age when it is most important to develop study habits, they choose to spend their time in this way. And what about the mothers of those children? Often in the mahjong parlor next to the supermarket, I am a frequent visitor there. In fact, every child is fun, and there is nothing wrong with it, but they should play regardless of time and do not study. Playing like this will only lead to frustration. There is a saying called \”If I bloom, butterflies will come!\” I think it is very suitable to apply to parents raising children: \”If you are good enough, the children will be wonderful! Mo Yan once told a little story about his mother: When she was young I once followed my mother to pick wheat ears, but my mother was slapped by a watchman. Many years later, my mother and I met the watchman again in the market. The watchman was already a gray-haired old man. I wanted to go there and take revenge. , but was persuaded by my mother, who only said this sentence: \”Son, the person who hit me is not the same person as this old man.\” This is my family tradition. The first thing everyone accepts from birth is Family education is also the one that is most affected. This kind of education involves both words and deeds, and even deeds are more important than words. If you do not respect your children, you will feel that your children are full of problems. A child under two years old is cautious and cautious. There is nothing wrong with him being conservative and exploring the world. It is normal for him to refuse to say hello to an unfamiliar person. He likes to play quietly by himself, which is okay! Why do you think your child is introverted? Bad? That’s because his own feelings dominate. For example, a short father often cares about the height of his child. If his child is short, he will be in a bad mood because the criticism and ridicule he has received will come back. He does not want his child to Just like myself. My introverted mother always seems passive socially because of her introversion and conservativeness.She once cried for having the courage to open herself up and express her feelings. So I don’t want my children to be like me. But your child will still be like you in the end, if you don\’t change. We may not be able to truly change our nature, but when it comes to our children, we can choose. For example, when faced with a problem, we can choose whether to be happy or anxious. Children actually see these small things. If you take your children and take the initiative to say hello to your neighbors and friends. Let your children see your smiling face. He will also learn to greet people with a smile. You can also choose to accept your personality flaws or physical limitations. You can accept it with optimism! It\’s not a big deal. Because there are many good things that you still need to teach your children. Such as those beautiful characters. There are also many parents who say that their children never communicate with them when they grow up. But seeing the many problems his child had, he didn\’t know how to help him. There must be a break in the parent-child relationship – the growth of parents cannot keep up with the growth of their children. When I was young, my children were ignorant and their parents were the gods. When a child asks a hundred thousand whys, you can get away with just talking nonsense. But by adolescence, you can no longer keep up with your children. When you and your child gradually become people in two different worlds, there will definitely be a gap. You have never read any of the books your children read, and you only know whether they are good or not. The child asks you what is bad and what is good about you? You are speechless. You say the songs your children listen to are too noisy. You’ve never heard of the movie your child loves. How to have a conversation? One faces east and one faces west. How can people from two worlds have a common discourse? Fortunately, today\’s young parents are more capable of learning and can basically keep up with their children. I know one day my son will like something that I don\’t understand. But I will not object rashly. I will get familiar with it, look up information, and learn. I have to try to keep up with my kids. It seems that children really push us forward. If you are sweating like rain in the mahjong room, don\’t blame your children for not studying hard. If you linger over dinner parties, don\’t blame your children for alienating you. Without companionship, love cannot be placed, just like duckweed floating around. Without understanding, love cannot connect. Although we are in the same room, it seems like we are thousands of miles away. Remember to read, climb, play ball, run, listen to music, watch movies, talk about life with your children… Build a family culture that belongs to you, where even a small action can be responded to. Isn\’t that what love is? If you yell all the time, don\’t expect your child to reason. If you have never listened patiently to your child, don\’t blame the child for not listening to you. If you always expect your children to be excellent but you don\’t care about your own status, don\’t blame your children for avoiding giving up. Suhomlinsky said, \”For a family, parents are the roots and children are the flowers. Parents often \”see\” their children\’s problems, but they don\’t know that these are actually their own problems \”flowering\” in their children. Only As parents continue to learn, they will have the opportunity to continue to get closer to the correct method. Don\’t think about changing your child, he has your shadow on him. So you must first let yourself continue to grow.