Don\’t use material rewards to stimulate your children to help their mother with housework, otherwise you will regret it…

Some time ago, I had afternoon tea with my cousin. When we talked about daily parenting topics, my cousin suddenly asked me with a helpless look on her face: Do you think my children should be rewarded with pocket money or other material rewards when they help with housework at home? My daughter helped me carry the rice bowl yesterday and actually asked me for 10 yuan. She said that her good friends from kindergarten would get pocket money for doing housework at home… This reminded me of a \”similar incident\” in my elementary school. \”At that time, I saw a Barbie doll in the supermarket and thought it was very beautiful. I wanted to buy it home. But my pocket money was not enough, so I said to my mother: \”Mom, I will help you sweep the floor for a week. Can you help me buy this Barbie doll?\” My mother rejected me on the spot and asked me warmly. : We are all family members. If the floor is dirty, you are completely obliged to clean it. Why should you get extra rewards? For a moment, I was speechless. Looking back now, using material rewards for children to do housework will actually make children fall into the cognitive misunderstanding that \”housework should be done by parents\” and \”everything I do needs extra praise and rewards.\” I said to my cousin: You can’t give these 10 yuan. You have to tell your children that there is no relationship between pocket money and housework. Housework is supposed to be done by everyone together. No one pays our parents to do the housework, right? If you don’t have enough pocket money, or if you particularly want to buy a toy, you can bring it up directly instead of using it as a condition for negotiation. There are too many parents around us who, in order to please their children to \”eat more,\” use all kinds of candies, chocolates, and mobile phones that their children like as \”exchanges.\” As everyone knows, over time, these \”enticements\” will gradually lose their initial effect. And why do children not like to eat? Is the food not to their liking or not delicious enough? But few parents pay close attention to these. Especially the elderly help take care of the children. Because of the relationship between generations, once the elderly find that their children have eaten too little, they will feel distressed and anxious, so they will say something like \”Baby, eat this bowl of rice, grandma will take you right away\” Go to the supermarket to buy candy/toys.\” But the disadvantage of this is: once a child discovers that this is an adult\’s \”tactic\” against him, he will definitely be hurt in his heart and feel that the adult does not love him or believe in him at all. From the moment every child is born, they slowly learn to raise their heads, smile proudly when they turn over successfully for the first time, sit alone for a few seconds for the first time, crawl for the first time, stand alone for the first time, and let go for the first time. Parents\’ hands walking alone… are actually the process of them becoming independent and growing. When we always wonder whether we spend enough time with our children, don’t give our children enough love, and worry about their children’s lack of security, we neglect it. In fact, our children’s contribution to the family is also their contribution. part of building a sense of security. For example, many adults would rather work hard to feed themselves than give their children the opportunity to eat alone. Because I think it’s more troublesome to change clothes if they get dirty and sweep the floor if they get dirty, so I might as well feed them myself. For example, when a child says he wants to pour water for himself, we always say no because we are afraid of getting his clothes wet or causing discomfort to himself.There are troubles outside, so I have to do the work for my children again and again… For example, I don\’t let my children help carry the bowl (for fear of breaking it), wipe the table (for fear of getting dirty the more I wipe it)… You see, the child may be in a sensitive period for housework. While housework generates high levels of interest, time and time again we reject their enthusiasm. We seem to be \”helping\” them, but in fact we are using our actions to hint to our children: You are still young and will definitely mess up, so let me help you. But later, when they gradually got used to having us do everything for them, we began to dislike our children for being \”too lazy\” and \”not independent enough.\” Our needs for them have changed again. We hope that they will become more diligent, be able to \”help\” us, and be able to \”understand\” us. How can we make children work hard quickly? Incentives… Looking back, if we had not rejected their enthusiasm, we would not have thought they were \”a disservice\” and would not have regarded them as a \”little trouble\”. For example, when they offer to help us wash the dishes, we don\’t drive them away, but let them try. If their clothes get wet, can they just change into another one? Even if you just pour the dishwashing liquid for us? So now, maybe your child is the hardest-working one among the people around him. \”Protect\” your child\’s sensitive period of housework! Whether he wants to put on his own socks, mop the floor by himself, wash the dishes by himself, or help his mother put potted flowers on the living room table, it is because they really want to feel these things during this period, and once they participate, they will bring Children must have a full sense of happiness and the experience of being \”valuable\”. Let children have the subjective initiative to do housework, because doing housework with parents is a kind of happiness that cannot be exchanged for any material rewards!