Don’t want to get mad at your kids? Try these emotional first aid techniques

A few days ago, when I woke up early in the morning, I went into my study, hoping to do something of my own while the world was quiet. However, before my butt got too hot, my daughter woke up and started to \”haunt her mother\” mode. I had just hurriedly changed her clothes and helped her brush her teeth when the phone rang. It was an emergency call from my partner. \”Oh, that\’s it, okay, okay.\” \”Yi Zi, come down!\” I answered the call while looking at the baby. She moved too quickly, clamoring for food, stood up on tiptoes, and put me down. I took down the snacks I had prepared for myself at the table…I couldn\’t stop myself. I could only grab a bowl and wanted to pour a little less into it to control the amount. Without paying attention, the child grabbed it and made me clatter. I poured most of the bowl…and then pressed it down with a palm, Damn! The unbearable crime scene, there are pictures and the truth… At that moment, I felt like I was going to explode… In fact, after becoming a mother, there were many similar crazy moments, such as: being half sleepy, and the child still staying with you even if he doesn\’t sleep. My body is jumping and stomping; it’s time to eat dinner soon, but my husband gives me snacks without authorization, and the child refuses to serve; I have been nagging for many times, but the child not only refuses to listen, but also starts crying and making a fuss… Whenever these times, I have a lot of Emotional monsters will pop up: usually first they are angry, angry, and if they can\’t hold back their temper, then they will blame themselves and feel guilty… It seems that all the Dafa that I have practiced hard before, empathy, listening, kindness and firmness go hand in hand. , it doesn’t work at all. We all know that we need to be patient with our children, but emotions come and go. What should we do if we can\’t be calm? There were times when, due to emotional distress, I went into internal friction mode, denying myself, and felt terrible. This won\’t work! I began to intentionally learn how to coexist peacefully with my emotions: reading books, listening to lectures, and then practicing. I also specially checked in for 21 days of study on the theme of emotion management. It still had some effects. Today I will tell you how I did it: 1. Emotions When it comes: Prepare a positive pause list in advance. When you see an outbreak, pick one thing and do it quickly. Emotions often come very suddenly, and when they really break out, it\’s so painful that I spend some time thinking about it. If I lose control of my emotions, what can I do to regain my rationality? I made a list of things I can do right away to help relieve my mood, divided into two categories: Things you can do at home: Deep abdominal breathing for a few sets, drink a glass full of water, go to the toilet, wait for 5 minutes, and listen to a soothing song. Music and reading a positive article… What I do when I go out: Take a 20-minute walk, get a massage, have a good meal, watch a movie, sit in a cafe… If there is someone at home, I will leave the child with my family and go out by myself to change my mood; No, you can also pause at home. The main purpose is to force yourself to do something to divert your attention. For example, when I saw my children throwing snacks everywhere, I stood up without saying a word – hahaha, went to pour a glass of water, and when I drank it, most of my anger was gone, and I also rehydrated and beautified… … 2. Be aware of emotions: Often we feel bad because many things are mixed together, and we can’t tell which thing triggered our emotional buttons. I will use two methods to restore my rational brain: 1) \”Free writing\”: what happened just now, what I thought, my true thoughts and emotionsWhat it is, all told in the pen. \”The baby spilled snacks, which made me very angry. I was anxious because I couldn\’t take care of my work at the same time. I blamed myself for not putting my things away. I couldn\’t focus on looking after the baby, which also made me feel guilty…\” (See , on the surface I am angry with my child, but actually I am angry with myself) 2) \”Live Broadcast\”: Just like showing a movie, imagine if the scene just now appeared on TV, how would I describe what happened truthfully ( Note: Only describe the scene you saw, and remove all the inner activities), \”Oh, Xiao Zi spilled the snacks. Xiao Zi\’s mother was answering the phone. When she saw it, her expression was very serious, as if she was angry.\” Forced. If you have the perspective of others, you will not be easily obsessed by the authorities. It is like watching a play. There is nothing to be angry about. 3. Accept emotions: This is the most difficult step. Can I have negative emotions? In fact, who doesn’t have sadness, anger, frustration, jealousy, hatred? Although it will be uncomfortable, the emotion itself is not good or bad. I understand that negative emotions are like a little monster that \”can\’t be scared if you touch it\”. If you can recognize it, let it out for air, and get along with it for a while, it will be soothed and then return to its jar obediently. But if it is kept suppressed and does not come out, it will explode or cause internal injuries. Acceptance actually means allowing yourself to be imperfect. I said to myself, \”Yes, I am a little angry. I did spill it. It is normal for me to have these emotions.\” 4. Express emotions: Emotions need to be expressed. You can find your best friend, your husband, a tree hole or even talk to yourself. . Sometimes, I choose to express my feelings with my children: Once, because I really wanted to participate in a study camp abroad, but I was afraid that my family would be burdened with taking care of the children and the relationship would not be balanced. I was so stressed that I shed tears. It happened that my daughter Be present. At that moment, I felt that my emotions were very real and I didn’t have to avoid them or pretend to be strong. I hugged my daughter and said to her seriously, \”Mom, I really want to accompany you and I really want to study, but I can’t do it at the same time.\” I do, so I feel bad. Mommy needs your hug.\” I opened my arms. This little human flesh heater immediately came over, hugged me, even patted my back, and even helped me wipe my tears. In fact, we know how to express emotions, which is also a good example for children. Look, mothers will cry too. When she has other negative emotions, she will not hold them in, but learn to express them. This is the basic ability of high emotional intelligence. . 5. Take initiative: upgrade your thinking. In fact, taking deep breaths, getting a massage, etc. are all temporary measures. Is there any way to avoid stepping into the same river repeatedly and have a stronger ability to manage emotions? Have you ever noticed that if the same thing happens to you, it will make you very angry, but if it happens to other people, they will be very calm. Why is this? American psychologist Albert Ellis proposed the famous ABC theory of emotions, which decomposes emotions into: A: activating event (activating event) B: belief (belief) generated by the individual\’s recognition and evaluation of A C: emotion and behavior consequences (consequence) The event itself does not directly trigger emotions, but our views on the matter do. So, I summarized the common features of situations where I was often driven crazy by children, and started with B to improve my thinking in two aspects: first, systematically learn to understand the developmental characteristics of children, and predict which naughty and mischievous behaviors are age-appropriate; second, Let myself reduce stress and arrange work in advance, so that when I am less stressed, it is easier for me to be more patient with my children. Although I have been practicing for a long time, I still can\’t completely lose my temper, and I still lose control occasionally. But I am becoming more and more tolerant of myself. I am afraid that I have to live with ups and downs of emotions throughout my life. Perhaps the most fundamental way to manage emotions is to have an open-minded wisdom and realm of life. I hope I can slowly cultivate to this level. : Five words flying from the sky are nothing to worry about 🙂