Education expert Li Meijin: An emotionally unstable mother is a disaster in a child’s life! No matter how busy parents are, they should read it

Last week, I witnessed a mother-child conflict in the community garden. The boy was seven or eight years old, carrying a schoolbag. He must have just finished school, but he stood in front of the slide and refused to go. Seeing this, his mother stood still, took her mobile phone to reply to the message, and yelled at him: \”Don\’t offend! Go home and do my homework for me…\” She said it three times, but the boy turned a deaf ear. Mom was a little annoyed now. \”Snapped\”. He raised his arm and slapped the boy. \”No, are you sick?!\” The boy who was beaten instantly turned red with anger, said one harsh word and ran away. This sudden scene really scared the other parents present. They all hurriedly came forward to persuade them: \”The child is still young, what are you doing?\” \”It\’s okay to talk, but you don\’t dare to do it.\” \”It\’s just that children are too mentally fragile now, and it\’s easy to get into trouble…\” After listening to what people said, just now The impulsive mother suddenly burst into tears and said with sobs, \”This is a joke for everyone. I am such a bad mother.\” As a mother, I actually understand her very well. In the past, when Duoduo was playful, talked back, and was disobedient, my emotions would explode. I remember that there was a time when there were a lot of trivial things that I couldn’t deal with in my work and life, which made me feel like a “walking barrel of dynamite”. But every time after losing my temper, like this mother, I would fall into deep self-blame – I regretted losing my temper with my child; I was upset that I didn\’t speak properly; I blamed myself for hurting my child again… However, the next time I was bad, When the mood comes to a head, I still can\’t control myself and start to lose my temper. In this way, it is inevitable to enter a vicious cycle of \”bad mood – losing temper – self-blame – bad mood\”. The result is: you suffer; your children suffer. I remember what education expert Li Meijin said: \”The emotions of parents determine the future of their children.\” An emotionally unstable mother is like a \”ticking time bomb\”, making the child live in fear of \”not knowing when it will explode\” for the rest of his life. middle. Why can\’t you hold back your temper? Over the years of consulting, mothers often ask me for help: What can I do to get rid of my bad temper? How can I be a patient and emotionally stable mother? Before answering the above questions. We first need to understand: \”Why can\’t you help your temper?\” Many people think that is it because the child cries and is disobedient? But in fact, your negative emotions have nothing to do with your child. Many times, the reason why we lose control of our emotions is mostly because of our own lack of security. Just imagine, if a stray cat in a community has its hair explode as soon as someone tries to get close to it? The same goes for people. If we do not gain enough security when we grow up, our minds will always be in a \”tight\” state. Therefore, the slightest disturbance will make us angry and furious in an instant. This is because those bad experiences in the past have never been taken seriously and properly handled by us, such as being suppressed and denied by parents since childhood; growing up in a \”Cold War\” atmosphere; inner needs always being ignored by parents. , rejection… I have a friend who is like this. She is already in her thirties this year, but she still has to report to her mother every day and call herThe first call you make must be \”Mom\”. Otherwise, it is disobedient and unfilial! For this reason, she was often depressed and inexplicably irritable. One time, we happened to have a gathering together. I witnessed her four-year-old son running to her and asking for a hug. Unexpectedly, her son\’s move was directly ignored by her. Then, the child cried \”Wow\”. However, she did not comfort the child immediately. Instead, she became furious and yelled at the child: \”Who messed with you again? You cry all the time, don\’t you bother me?\” You see, this is the so-called original family. intergenerational inheritance. A child who has never felt love will not be able to give his child the love and security he needs even if he becomes a mother in the future. Unless you can realize at this moment: the real culprits that \”explode\” our emotions are all the \”unsatisfied\” and bad \”trauma experiences\” in the past. Only in this way can the problem of \”emotional loss of control\” be solved from the root. Although none of us can choose our family of origin, through acquired growth and healing, you can reawaken the love and energy within you. Never let pain leave \”scars\” on the next generation! Three Steps to Becoming an Emotionally Stable Parent So, what exactly do you need to do to become an emotionally stable parent? As long as you follow these three steps, I believe you can do it too! Step One: Trauma Processing. Before dealing with it, we need to know: What is your \”trauma\”? For example, when you were a child, you accidentally failed in a subject, but ended up being severely beaten because of your mother\’s high expectations. Then, this is your trauma. Later, when you see your child standing in front of you with a failed test paper, you will instinctively be angry, even far beyond the scope of ordinary people. So you have to deal with the trauma. After handling it well, if your child fails the test, your rationality will appear. You can sympathize with your child\’s frustration when they fail to do well in the test, and you can also calmly guide your child to analyze the review and how to make up for it, and make progress in the future. When your emotions are stable, your child will feel safe. Step 2: Modify negative beliefs. If you have heard your parents say since you were a child: \”I work so hard to make money, why don\’t you save some money?\” \”If I didn\’t support you in studying, why would I be so tired?\” you take this as a belief. They often instill in their children bad thoughts such as \”the family is poor\” and \”you are not worthy\”. Then your child will definitely have low self-esteem when he grows up. Therefore, we must work hard to revise those negative beliefs of the past and regain our inner love and patience. Step 3: Adjust communication patterns. If you were always beaten and scolded by your parents when you were a child. Then, when you communicate with your children, you will unconsciously use more \”you sentences\”: Why are you so stupid? How many times do you want me to say it? Can you understand something? Re-adjust your communication patterns to get rid of this aggressive and violent language habit. For example, use more \”I-sentences\” to express your true feelings: I feel a little bad; I feel uncomfortable; I hope you can understand…change harshness into encouragement, and change toughness into gentleness. No matter how anxious and out-of-control you were in the past, by following these three steps, you can reshape your life and build a warm and safe harbor for your children! give a like\”, the highest state of being a parent is to \”be in harmony with the light.\”