Enter the world of tantrums: Uncovering the real reasons behind their behavior

What is it like to have a \”fire-breathing baby\” at home? I believe that many parents have a say on this issue: \”My children throw things and yell when they disagree, and when they are excited, they will punch and kick the people around them.\” \”My daughter likes to be petty and angry. He ignores others when he speaks. \”My son is like a powder keg, it explodes at the first moment. It\’s so frustrating…\” Children who are prone to losing their temper often show stubbornness, emotional agitation, not easy to compromise, and even verbal and violent outbursts. Physically aggressive behavior. I believe many parents are puzzled as to why such a cute child becomes what he is today. Why are the children we have worked so hard to raise now so angry with ourselves? 01 The little secret behind children’s tantrums is that there is no hatred without reason, and there is no child who loses his temper without reason. There are many little secrets hidden behind your child\’s tantrums that you may not be aware of. As a parent, you must understand the characteristics of your child\’s staged development, and understand his or her true inner needs through his or her external behavior. 01 Children can’t control it either. Children’s emotional regulation ability is inseparable from brain development. Brain science research has found that the human brain contains two layers of internal and external structures: the \”emotional brain\” and the \”rational brain\”. The \”emotional brain\” matures before the \”rational brain\”. When parents restrict their children\’s independent behavior, children will throw tantrums to defend their rights. When a child has an emotional outburst, his \”emotional brain\” operates at high speed and overtakes the \”rational brain\” to take the dominant position. Only when the child\’s \”emotional brain\” no longer operates or the negative emotions disappear, will the \”rational brain\” respond. This is the best time to deal with emotions. Therefore, in the face of children’s extreme ways of venting, parents’ violent behavior, cold treatment, or reasoning all ignore the children’s own emotions and the dominant state of the “emotional brain.” If they only see the way of venting, they are destined to fail. There will be good results. Because it is impossible for the baby to think about problems with a \”rational brain\” at this time. When a child becomes impulsive and irritable, parents should have more understanding with the child and not just blame them. We can use scientific methods to help children develop brain functions. To this end, we can start from the brain and exercise the function of the frontal lobe through EEG biofeedback training, so that the parts that can control and regulate emotions become stronger. EEG biofeedback training fully follows the neural mechanism of brain operation, can exercise our brain more comprehensively and accurately, strengthen the connection between the prefrontal cortex and the neural network, and increase the activity of the prefrontal cortex, thereby helping Children improve their emotional control and self-control. 02 Over-indulging parents. Looking at life, many children will become self-centered due to over-indulging parents. Once something goes wrong, they will lose their temper to achieve their demands. For example, when I see a nice-looking toy in the mall, I can’t walk and I have to buy it. If I don’t buy it, I sleep on the floor, roll around, and beat and kick my family. You know, every bit of doting you do to your child will weave into a huge web, trapping the child in his own world, making him selfish, bad-tempered, and even domineering.. Therefore, when your child loses his temper at you and asks for things, you should reflect on whether you are giving too much love and whether you are overly doting on your child. I hope everyone will change it if they have it, and encourage them if they don’t! 03 Failure to pay attention to the child\’s inner needs. The reasons behind the child\’s tantrums are complicated and cannot be summed up in one word: doting or poor emotional management. The important point is that parents should dig deep into the reasons behind their children\’s tantrums in order to effectively prevent the next similar incident from happening. The main reason why children lose their temper is that their inner demands are not taken seriously and met. Because from a psychological perspective, people\’s most essential need is to be affirmed and accepted. I remember in the TV series \”Xiao She De\”, Ziyou was forced to break down and lose her temper by her mother. He threw away his mother\’s hand, howled, squatted on the ground, scratched his head, and shouted that he would never go to the training class again. Isn\’t it the result of inner demands that have never been taken seriously and met? The pressure placed on Ziyou by her mother was too great, beyond what he could bear at his age. Therefore, once it collapses, there will be consequences like landslides and tsunamis. 02How to teach children emotional control? Some psychological research points out that people who are excessively depressed and lackluster in childhood are more likely to suffer from depression as adults. A moment of neglect by parents and beating and scolding of their children may cause a lifelong shadow on the children. A child\’s tendency to lose his temper is a necessary stage in his growth. Good emotional management ability, whether for children or adults, is a skill that requires \”lifelong practice\”. 01 Create an emotionally stable surrounding environment for children. In a family where parents quarrel all year round, it is difficult for children to develop their emotions stably. For example, a child is doing homework in the study room, and suddenly there is a sound of beating and scolding coming from the living room. Can he finish his homework with peace of mind? Or if a child makes a mistake, his parents will scold him loudly when they meet, making him tremble in fear. Because children will inadvertently imitate their parents, including all good and bad behaviors. It can be said that the quality of a child\’s temper is closely related to his parents. 02 Parents must be able to handle their children’s emotions. Behind a child who is prone to throwing tantrums is probably a parent who has a bad temper or is impatient. There is such a scene in the American TV series \”Young Sheldon\”. Little Sheldon suddenly lost his temper during the meal and left his seat angrily. When his father found him, he did not blame him, but listened carefully to his harsh words. It wasn\’t until little Sheldon finished venting that his father walked up to him, sat next to him, and shared with him his equally bad day. And told him: \”So, I understand what you are going through.\” His father\’s acceptance made little Sheldon calm down quickly. Blame and suppress children\’s emotions. What children learn from their parents is not how to express emotions correctly, but instead stimulates more serious emotional reactions and falls into a deeper emotional quagmire. Those parents who can tolerate their children\’s bad tempers can truly rescue their children from the emotional quagmire. 03 Help the child review. After the child calms down, review with the child why he lost his temper and how to express his emotions correctly. For example, if a child wants to play with his mobile phone and the adult doesn\’t agree, he will throw the thing away. After your child has calmed down, you can calmly discuss why the adult refused his request.Please, for example, you should eat well when you are eating, and you cannot play with your mobile phone. This is the rule at home. Tell your children again, just say what you want. Throwing things and yelling will make adults ignore the voice you want to express. Many children lose their temper because they don\’t know how to express their emotions. Reviewing this step can help children learn how to express their thoughts and needs correctly.