Every crying child needs a gentle hug

It is said that those who have never cried in the middle of the night are not good enough to talk about life. I thought about it carefully. Over the years, although I have never cried in the middle of the night, I have cried in broad daylight more than once or twice. I can also talk about life, emotions and feelings. In my memory, I cried bitterly twice, which made me realize that there is a difference between crying and crying. A few years ago, Cheng Zi’s father and I had a quarrel over something. The more I thought about it, the more wronged and angry I became. I couldn’t help but cry sadly. Dad Chengzi was also very depressed. When he saw me crying, he came over to comfort me. (Well, I did a good job in this.) He said: \”Okay, okay, don\’t cry. What a big deal. As for crying so sadly?\” It was okay if he didn\’t say this, but it was like adding fuel to the fire. Damn it, I glared at him hard, I was so angry! \”You, you should exercise more. If you lack exercise, you will easily get into trouble with many things. If you exercise more, you will naturally feel cheerful…\” Me: \”Stop talking, I don\’t want to hear this!\” Dad Chengzi seemed to have suddenly thought of something. : \”Hey, by the way, what should we have for dinner tonight? How about going to that restaurant you\’ve always wanted to eat at?\” Are you coaxing the kids? I was too lazy to pay attention to him and continued to cry. Dad Chengzi thought for a while and then said: \”It depends on how you look at many things. If you think it is bitter, it is bitter. If you don\’t think it is bitter, then it is not bitter…\” I said, \”I can\’t reach such a high state, I just feel wronged.\” , I just feel angry!\” Dad Chengzi tried to explain: \”Wife, you know, I have always wanted to do this, how I plan to do it, my plan is…\” I became more irritated and interrupted him: \”Stop talking! Go away and leave me alone for a while.\” According to past experience, when persuasion fails, Father Orange\’s patience is almost exhausted, which can easily lead to an escalation of the war or a cold war. It was then that I suddenly realized that he might not really know what I needed right now. I cried and said: \”Actually, what I want is very simple. I just want you to say sorry to me, saying that you have worked hard these past few months and I have made you feel wronged…\” When I said these words, I seemed to really I changed into the role of Orange Dad, and while talking to myself, the pent-up emotions were suddenly brought out, and I cried even harder, unable to speak coherently. Dad Chengzi took me into his arms and said what I just said with all his heart. I cried hard for a while, feeling that the anger and grievance had dissipated a lot, and I slowly stopped crying. Afterwards, I was a little surprised to find that crying just now made me feel much more comfortable and smooth. I had almost never had this experience before. Although crying in the past seemed to be a way to vent my emotions, after I finished crying, I didn\’t feel much relieved. Those emotions seemed to still exist. Only when emotions are seen and accepted can such crying have a healing effect. It\’s been a long time since this happened, and I almost forgot about it until I cried again later. That was my first time doing hypnosis. One afternoon in winter, I went to see my psychological counselor (yes, in the field of psychological counseling, if you want to understand other people\’s hearts, you must first understand your own heart). As I talked, I didn’t know what to say. I felt that everything was over and there was nothing left to say. The consultant said, let\’s do hypnosis, in this process, you are awake and know what you are talking about and what you are doing. I said yes. With my whole body relaxed, I began to talk about my feelings, my grievances, my anger, and my helplessness. The counselor was keenly aware of my unresolved emotions. When I was angry, her voice became very powerful and she asked me to express my feelings loudly, over and over again; when I felt wronged, she used a gentle voice. Holding me up like a baby makes me feel warm and comforted. That feels great. I went from talking calmly to choked with tears, from sobbing to pouring down rain. I felt like I had cried, shouted and vented all the emotions I had accumulated over the years. My emotions were like a rough sea, and her voice was like a small boat, gently supporting me and climbing over the tops and bottoms of the waves with me. While crying, I also thought: It\’s over now, my eyes must have been so red and swollen that they don\’t look good. How can I go out to meet people soon? No matter, let’s cry for a while first. I don’t know how long I cried. Slowly, I felt that my emotions were almost vented, and I gradually calmed down. After the consultation was over, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I was surprised to find that my eyes were not red or swollen, and it was almost impossible to tell that I had just cried a lot. You know, usually if I cry for a while, my eyes will reveal the secret, my eyelids will become swollen, and my eyes will become red, which will not go away for a long time. What\’s even more amazing is that after crying, I obviously felt a lot more relaxed inside, like the sea after a storm, calm, soothing, clear, and I became a lot softer. I always thought that through learning and growing up, and passing time, a lot of emotions had been dealt with. Unexpectedly, they are still there, still clogged in my body. It was not until this time that they were finally seen, caught, and understood that they disappeared. It turns out that there is really a difference between crying and crying. Emotion is a very wonderful thing. It is like a kind of energy, invisible, but it exists in real ways. It arises from the heart and exists in the body. You can\’t reason with it, you can\’t use reason to eliminate it. You can\’t pretend to turn a blind eye. Ignoring and suppressing it will only bury it deeper in the body. You think it disappears, but it will silently affect your thoughts, words and deeds, and even react in your body, causing various diseases. The only way is to face it, see it, accept it, and express it in words. When you \”see\” it and accept it, it will stop misbehaving, become better behaved, become smaller, and disappear. Crying is an intense expression of emotion. Many people have lived for decades and shed countless tears, but they may not cry. When others cry, they are even more helpless. They subconsciously think that crying is a bad thing and try every means to stop it. It’s interesting to think about it. In the first crying scene, Orange Dad inadvertently demonstrated people’s usual ways of dealing with crying: 1. Disagree and deny feelings-what’s there to cry about? You shouldn\’t cry. No matter how big or small the matter is, the feelings generated are real and exist, and you must respect it and see it. Denying feelings will only cause depression and confrontation. 2. Give advice – you shouldHow to do it. Sorry, I don\’t want to listen to advice now, I just want your understanding and let you know how I feel. If emotions are not dealt with, how can rationality come out? 3. Divert attention. Are you coaxing a child? What\’s more, this trick only works on children one or two years old, and it won\’t work on older children, let alone adults. 4. Be reasonable. Everyone understands the truth, but what I need now is not truth. What I need is acceptance, a hug, and an emotional response. Just like giving advice, if emotions cannot be overcome, rationality cannot come out. 5. Start from yourself and speak for yourself. When Dad Orange talks about his plans, he talks about himself, but what I need most now is that you see \”me\”. When you see me, even if you give me a hug without saying anything, I will understand that you feel the same. These methods all have one thing in common: they do not see the other person\’s feelings, let alone accept them – this is what the crying person really needs. When I tried to be in the role of Orange Dad and said those words, I felt accepted and understood, and then I opened the valve to release my emotions and let them flow out. These two painful crying experiences have taught me what kind of crying can have a healing effect and what it feels like to be treated with tenderness. I also learned what to do when someone else cries. One time, Cheng Zi went to a performance and it ended after ten o\’clock in the evening. Cheng Zi\’s father had been busy all day and hadn\’t eaten dinner yet, so he rushed to the theater to pick us up. In the car, I took out a pack of biscuits I brought from home and gave them to Dad Orange, asking him to make up for it first. Chengzi was a little unhappy when he saw that what I was holding was his biscuit, and muttered: \”This is my biscuit, someone else gave it to me.\” I was also very tired at the time and didn\’t want to talk much. Personality, this is not a big deal, just mutter a few words and it will be over. Unexpectedly, when Chengzi saw that his father had finished the biscuits in two mouthfuls and no one was paying attention to him, he burst into tears as he spoke, and the more he cried, the harder he cried. Orange\’s father was a little annoyed: \”What\’s yours and mine? What\’s wrong with me eating a piece? Why is this child so selfish?\” Orange was yelled at by his father, so he stopped crying and stayed aside to whimper. I knew that the three of us were very tired, our energy was low, and our emotions were difficult to control, so I cheered up to lighten the atmosphere and chatted with Dad Orange. Chengzi stopped crying and kept chatting with us. This little turmoil seems to have passed, and it seems that the story can be turned over. But I can feel that Orange still has emotions. I thought about it, hugged Chengzi to my side, and said, \”Mom knows what happened just now. Chengzi is not such a stingy person.\” With just this sentence, Chengzi let out a \”wow\” and cried in grievance. I stroked his head, waited for him to cry for a while, and then said: \”Mom knows, Cheng Zi also likes to eat this biscuit, but there is only one pack left, so I asked my mother to give it to my father. Cheng Zi is a little reluctant to part with it, but it\’s not that I don\’t feel sorry for him.\” Dad. Mommy will buy some more later and we can share them together, okay?\” Chengzi nodded, his crying was quieter, but he was still moaning and twisting in my arms. I continued: \”Mom knows that Orange is exhausted at the end of the day. Like Iron Man, his energy is running low. It\’s easy when his energy is low.Not happy. When we get home soon, let’s wash up and go to bed quickly to recuperate our energy so that we can regain our energy tomorrow. \”Chengzi gradually calmed down and leaned quietly beside me. I knew that this matter could be turned over. Many adults don\’t want to see their children cry. When they cry, they will be upset and their heads will be as big as a bucket, so they will use reasoning and divert attention. Use force, denial, suppression and other methods to stop it. These methods may seem to be effective and make the child stop crying, but in fact those emotions and feelings are accumulated in the body bit by bit, and they may be triggered by a little thing next time. These emotions make you cry and make a fuss. You may wonder why this child loves to cry so much and is always making troubles and being unreasonable. In fact, it is because the previous emotions have not been dealt with well. The grievances, anger, fear, insecurity, and frustration are all gone again. It is touched and inspired. It is said that the best love is \”I see you, I understand you\”. In fact, this is the eternal desire deep in everyone\’s heart. And crying is the fierce expression of this desire: Please You see me! I need your understanding and your hug! So, when a child cries, we must learn to see the true desire of the child through one moment and one thing, and tell him: I see it, I understand you, I Be by your side. Every crying child needs a gentle hug. This is true for children, and so is for adults.