Every mother commits this act of destroying her children

The final exam is still in progress, but the QQ group for parents of my son’s grade has already exploded. There is no need to look or think about it. Many worried parents are anxious about the direction of their children\’s class placement in the next semester. Class division, this hot topic is like a strong glue that magically seduces and attracts parents who are working, those who are not working, those who are free, and those who are not. There are mostly mothers in the group, and the role of \”mother-in-law\” as they are usually called is fully demonstrated here. The one whose family is a \”Bullfrog\” secretly enjoys the \”jealous\” praise of others, and occasionally inserts a few insincere words that seem to be low-key and modest; the one who belongs to the \”Pufrog\” family is the most excited, chattering, and expresses everything in every word Frequent anxiety and uneasiness. This scene occurs during weekly exams, monthly exams, and mid-term exams. It must appear during every exam. Being trapped in this kind of \”lip and tongue\” camp, as every mother of \”Pu Frog\”, even if you keep diving and watching silently, it is difficult to truly listen and not hear or not be moved by what you hear. At least, I am doomed. When my son was in elementary school, I always thought he was pretty good. When he was promoted to junior high school, he was naturally encouraged to choose a directly affiliated middle school in the city. As the circle gets bigger, among the \”dragons and phoenixes\”, a good son naturally becomes \”insignificant\”. And I am the first perceiver of this feeling of insignificance. In the first class selection, the son who is known as the \”little encyclopedia\” did not even get the Chinese class representative; in the first week of the class test, the boy from the Zhang family got perfect marks in math, and the girl from the Li family got perfect marks in English; yesterday, in the group Mothers are still communicating about their children’s extracurricular tutoring classes; today, the group posted the results of their children’s dance, musical instruments, technology and other major competitions… Frustration, a mother’s frustration is reflected in activities and activities again and again. Intensified and intensified during the exam. Look at your own child. He was quite good at first, but I don’t understand why he suddenly can’t show off? ! Mothers’ various posts and conversations began to subvert my views on education. I regret that I didn’t send my son to study for the Mathematical Olympiad? Why wasn\’t he taught an art from primary school? Why not… Ten million reasons why not surged in my mind. Frustration turns into self-blame. I started a big remediation operation. Whoever says which online class is good, I choose; whoever recommends a habit-building trick online, I do it; if I don’t understand any question in Chinese, Mathematics, and English, I make up for it. As if I were an all-round tutor, I gave in willingly and waited for the harvest. However, heaven always does not fulfill people\’s wishes. My son has not developed in the direction I expected, nor has he become as good as other children. The \”war situation\” quickly escalated. Others can do it, why can’t you? The root of the lack of excellence suddenly falls on the child. I was crazy, angry, anxious, and erratic. On weekends, there was no peace at home. A mother\’s \”irrational anger\” spreads wantonly in the originally warm home. And I also began to change, as if my mouth was open, and the words and expressions on my face were full of anger. Days like this lasted for more than a semester. For my usual anger, I presumptuously gave an explanation of excessive anger. It wasn\’t until I got some advice from a doctor by chance that I realized that my \”disease\” was not anger, but an anxiety disorder caused by overeducation. And the antidote isIt\’s about psychological adjustment. Yes, it\’s anxiety. I communicated with several mothers in private and agreed with this word of empathy. Because of anxiety, the face that the child had been affectionate with since childhood became hateful. Why did mothers like me get on the \”thief ship\” of anxiety overnight? Because of comparison. As the saying goes, there is no identification without comparison. In this era of high-speed information transmission, children\’s grades, children\’s handiwork, children\’s dancing and playing the piano, and even a blockbuster sentence they said have all become objects for parents to communicate and share. Because of the appearance of this reference object, there is an unconscious mirroring behavior of that object. However, if you don\’t know, you will be shocked when you compare. Mothers also see the shortcomings and gaps in their children. Ever since, I have been anxious and worried. My child can’t keep up with others. What should I do? Will it have a foothold in the future? In this emergency, the Chinese-style lifelong responsibility system mentality of \”children should feed the old and grandchildren should be fed\” immediately came to the fore. However, what is the point of current concerns? ! What\’s more, we are worried about children who are extremely malleable. Can you now pave an everlasting smooth road for him in the future? Sometimes I think about it, we really deceive ourselves and others. However, does it mean that we become anxious because of comparison? No, the deeper answer is actually vanity. It is a popular mentality not to be left behind, especially among parents who have children. In the comparison, if the child is far ahead, there is no need to elaborate on the joy and praise; if the child is lagging behind and embarrassed, how can an old face still hold up? Things have changed a long time ago. And isn\’t this change just because of losing face in front of everyone? And isn\’t this the typical vanity? What we worry about is vanity, what we are anxious about is vanity, what we worry about is still vanity. In the final analysis, we are just trying our best to satisfy our own psychological needs under the guise of thinking about our children\’s future. It was only when I was in prison that I finally had an epiphany. They say a thousand people have a thousand faces. Really, not every child is a top student, and not every child can become an artist. If that were the case, there would be so many different interests to talk about. Think about yourself again, are you a jack of all trades? If not, why do you ask your child to \”be better at what others can do, and he can do what others can\’t do\”? ! When there is a ranking, there are front and back; when there are exams, there are advantages and disadvantages. This is a normal law of nature. Only by recognizing and accepting the reality of children\’s abilities is the key to taking off the shell of hypocrisy and getting rid of anxiety. Looking at the essence through the phenomenon, when I found the same answer from several books, even if I wanted to be furious, I could tell myself firmly and firmly, thus calming my arrogant heart. Long Yingtai said: Child, take your time, take your time. This slowness is an attitude and a kind of waiting of our parents. There are \”common frogs\” everywhere, and they need to slowly accumulate experience time after time, slowly accumulate a little bit of time, and slowly temper themselves year by year. Leave the results to time, leave the process to your children, believe in them, and the fittest will survive. As mothers, we can guide, remind, and help, but we must not be impatient, think that haste will make things easier, and we must not criticize without authorization. After all, no matter how anxious you are,Can\’t eat hot tofu. Every child is a flower, but they bloom at different times. I am tired of \”struggle\” both physically and mentally, but now I particularly like this sentence. As a mother, are you the same?