Every mother owes her child an apology

When Weiwei was in the second year of junior high school, a boy transferred from another school became her roommate. This new deskmate is humorous and very talkative. In their spare time, the two often chatted and laughed together. This was originally a very normal thing, and the two of them were just chatting together. However, a classmate who had something to do with her embellished the matter and told the teacher with ulterior motives, saying that the two were in early love. The teacher notified Weiwei\’s parents of the matter without any investigation. Wei Weisheng\’s good looks made her the center of attention wherever she went since she was a child. For this reason, her parents were very strict with Weiwei. She was not allowed to answer calls from boys, was not allowed to go out alone with her classmates, was not allowed to dress herself up in front of the mirror, and was not allowed to dress in flashy clothes… Under strict supervision, her daughter actually… Something like this still happened, and my parents were extremely angry about it. That day, Weiwei came home from school as usual. When I opened the door, I saw my silent and angry parents sitting in the living room. They were wondering, and then my mother slapped me and scolded me, saying: At such a young age, why are you so shameless? At such a young age, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to find a man, so I was so anxious! How can you deserve that your dad and I have paid so much for you! Weiwei said that her mother almost cried and scolded her for being shameless, a loser, and a bitch. The vicious words were just scolding a slut. Weiwei told her parents: \”It\’s not what you think.\” As a result, her parents\’ reaction became even more intense: How would the teacher know if there was no such thing? How could there be such a thing as nothing in the world? Weiwei stopped explaining anything and just remained silent, letting them beat and scold her. Junior high schools of that era were still quite taboo about puppy love. Since this incident, Weiwei has always been pointed at and whispered about in school, and words such as shameless and slut have been vaguely heard. Weiwei became more and more withdrawn, living alone in school and having no friends with whom she could make friends. Originally, her parents had strict control over Weiwei. After this incident, their control became even stricter. Once her grades dropped, they aggressively asked if it was her early love that was to blame. Not only that, but she often takes advantage of every opportunity at home to warn her daughter: You are not allowed to fall in love early, or your legs will be broken if you fall in love early! Weiwei stopped talking and responded with indifference. During her studies in junior high school and high school, she became withdrawn, indifferent, sensitive, and depressed. She had nothing to talk to her parents. Her only thought was that she could be admitted to a foreign university as soon as possible, leave her parents, and leave home. . Weiwei is thirty-three years old this year. She graduated from a prestigious school and works in a Fortune 500 company. She is tall and has a good face. In terms of qualifications, degree and economic status, she is one of the most popular products in the marriage and love market. Facts have proved that this is also the case. Behind Weiwei, there are always suitors, from industry elites to business owners. However, Weiwei is still unmarried, and she has not even been in a relationship yet. The parents were very anxious, fearing that their daughter would not be able to get married, so they kept introducing men to their daughter, and began to put constant pressure on their daughter, urging her to find a man to marry quickly, just like they had strictly controlled Weiwei not to fall in love early. I once advised Weiwei to try to accept the right man when she meets him, and don\’t hold yourself back all the time. Weiwei said coolly: \”I don\’t think any man will be worthy of me.\” Later, in person,When talking to the psychological counselor, Weiwei finally cried bitterly and said: Don\’t they think I am shameless? Aren\’t they not allowed to have contact with boys? I will never look for a man in my life. My life is really what they expected. They should be very happy. Can adults be irresponsible for their own mistakes? Shouldn\’t they apologize for their mistakes? …It turns out that she has always been resentful about her parents\’ attitude back then, and she can\’t get rid of it. The tearful, desperate child was sealed deep inside her heart. She didn\’t want to think about the past, but the \”inner child\” had been bothering her. She knew very well how difficult it was for her parents, but it was difficult to untie the knot in her past, and she felt tangled and frightened. I was a fan of \”Journey to the West\” when I was a child. I knew every episode of \”Journey to the West\” by heart, but I would change the channel every time the episode \”Three Strikes of White Bone Demons\” came on. I admit that at that time, in my little heart, I was still worried about Tang Monk wronging Sun Wukong. Although he finally reconciled with Wukong, I could never forgive him in my heart. Later I watched Stephen Chow\’s \”Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons\”. When Wukong was angry and turned to leave, Tang Monk knelt down behind him and said to him: I was wrong as a teacher. I shouldn\’t disrespect you and humiliate you in person. …I was stunned at the time. Tang Seng\’s kneeling, although it was a plot device, made me burst into tears. Fuck your ethics, why can\’t you admit your mistakes if you are a master? Why can\’t you apologize as an elder? As Tang Seng knelt down, I felt like I was instantly transported back to the time I was six years old. That angry and stubborn child seemed to be cured a little bit. Master Xing remade Journey to the West over and over again, which not only made Tang Seng apologize, but also made Tang Seng finally become a \”human\”. As the parent of this Buddhist teaching team, like all new fathers, he is no longer a perfect being like Almighty God. He will also be afraid and hesitant and at a loss; he can admit his incompetence and he can admit that he is afraid of his apprentices. ; He can also be trapped by love and make things messy. Since we are human, we are not perfect. In the recently popular \”Mom is Superman 2\”, Hu Ke delayed picking up Anji from school because he took Xiaoyu\’er for a physical examination. After Anji finished English class, he waited alone for more than an hour and broke down emotionally. After the mother arrived, she immediately apologized to her son, and Angie drew a picture of a snail and gave it to her mother. The mother and son perfectly resolved the episode with a joke. I also set an example for all parents. Parents can also make mistakes, and parents can also do things poorly. Apologizing is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. Children are tolerant when faced with a dignified apology from their parents. Perhaps, we all owe our children an apology. Or, we were once owed an apology. Many parents are outraged by the idea of ​​\”apologising\” to their children. Parents devote all their efforts to their children. They usually regard themselves as a perfect being, an almighty God, and God cannot make mistakes. And once they find that their \”good\” image has deviated, they will do everything possible to maintain it. However, we are a \”person\”, and each of us needs to exist as a \”person\”. Only when we face our own imperfections calmly can we better understand our children\’s feelings and help them get out of harm\’s way. Since we are human, we are not perfect. Since we are human beings, we need to admit our \”limitations\”. Only by accepting your own limitations can you be more compassionate to yourself. At the same time, you can also accept the limitations of your children and parents, let go of your high expectations, and see the desire, value, and vitality of the other person. Maybe some of our parents’ behaviors have caused trauma to us in our childhood, but that doesn’t mean we need to put all the blame on our parents. That would be too unfair. Every era has its limitations. We must believe that all parents have given their children everything they can within the scope of their abilities and cognition. We recall childhood trauma not to blame our parents, but to reconcile with our own past. We recall childhood trauma not to dwell on the past, but to live better in the present.