Excellent children are better at being alone

My best friend and her husband got into trouble and came to my house to stay for a few days. After just one day, she began to question my parenting style. She is also a stay-at-home mother. She feels that I take care of my children too casually and do not pay attention to them. For example, after dinner, the children and I usually have free time. I will turn on the computer and write a manuscript, my daughter will do homework or draw, and my son will play with toys, watch TV for a while, or read with a pointer. Pen to read. According to his observation, when my son was playing with cars, he was talking to himself and was very involved. She asked me anxiously: \”I was sitting next to him, and he didn\’t care at all. He was playing with cars by himself, talking to himself, and it was very scary to think about it.\” Ah.\” I shook my head and said, \”I think this is good. Let him be alone for a while and immersed in his own games.\” My best friend\’s daughter is three years old. She is very sensible and cute, but her biggest problem is that she can\’t sleep for a moment. Leave people alone. This makes my best friend very distressed and has almost no time to do other things. Her husband feels that since the child is so old, he should still have time to do housework. My best friend said that she has to accompany the baby when he goes to the bathroom… The child is so clingy, my best friend Should reflect. It is probably because she interferes too much in the child\’s world that the child will not get along with her once she leaves her. Occasional quiet solitude is not, as she said, autism. Being alone is also a skill for children. Image source: \”White Rabbit Candy\” Being alone is a prelude to cultivating independence. Excessive teaching by parents will deprive children of opportunities for self-exploration and judgment. There is a course in psychology that helps people grow called \”SOLO\”. It means putting the person concerned in a \”alone\” situation, with no one talking or communicating with him, and leaving him alone. The results showed that after \”SOLO\”, the client\’s thinking became clearer and more agile, and during the SOLO process, they often had more unexpected thoughts and experiences, which inspired the client. Parents who raise children know that today\’s toys are not cheap. When their children get a toy, they are worried that the child will break the toy. So, I stood aside and started gesticulating, how to open this, how to install that. Under the \”guidance\” of the parents, the children may easily control the toys, but the value of buying toys has been ignored. Labouye said: \”We suffer all the misfortune because we cannot be alone.\” In solitude, children can experience the environment in their own way, play and solve problems in their own way. Without interference from parents, children can have better opportunities to show their hands and brains. Picture source: \”The Piano Boy Who Wants to Fly\” ► Being alone is beneficial to cultivating children\’s independence. After children\’s opportunities to be alone are completely destroyed by their parents, they begin to rely on their parents without limit. No matter what they do, they must be accompanied by someone. Lack of independence in life leads to lack of independence in spirit. A friend\’s child is in kindergarten and has the most serious separation anxiety in the class. Because she no longer has her mother to accompany her, after she has adapted to kindergarten life, the teacher will make her lose her temper if she doesn\’t pay attention to her at all. ►Being alone makes children more creative. When children are alone, their thinking is not disturbed and they can be free to play according to their own ideas. Once, YanBao took the basket I used to dry woolen sweaters and hung it around my neck. The basket was filled with cars. He said he was selling cars. We\’ve had a lot of snow here these days. He took the children to build a snowman downstairs, but Yan Bao made a very strange shape. He said that what he built was a sad snowman. He had no ears and arms and looked at the incomplete snowdrift. I\’m glad I didn\’t tell him how to build a snowman. Not disturbing is a way for parents to give their children the freedom to be alone, and it is also a form of respect. From birth, children have the ability to be alone. Babies 0-1 months old lie on the bed, babbling, learning words, and playing with their feet. 1-3 years old, can communicate with toys. After 3 years old, design games and set characters for favorite toys. 7-12 years old, can make toys and design props of their choice. Children in adolescence will also actively or passively stay away from the group and choose to be alone. During this period, they begin to gradually realize the value of being alone, and their views on being alone will also change. Compared with childhood, individuals who start early in adolescence have a stronger willingness to actively strive for solitude, and solitude gradually begins to be accompanied by positive emotional experiences. It is also necessary for parents to train their children to be alone. Generally speaking, children do not need any independent training before they are 6 months old. At this stage, parents are responsive to their babies\’ needs, meeting their children\’s various needs and establishing a sufficient sense of security. After 6 months, children will develop self-awareness and realize that they are an independent person. At this time, they will have a short period of concentration. For example, they will stare at a pattern seriously for more than ten seconds. Sometimes, they will see something. Things will laugh on their own, which is the budding ability of the baby to be alone. Image source: \”The Piano Boy Who Wants to Fly\” Once we find that the child\’s ability to be alone has sprouted, we can consciously guide the baby to establish the ability to be alone. Here are the \”3 steps\”: 1. Create alone time and open up a space at home. A safe area where children can move freely can be used for children to crawl around, and some toys can be placed around it. The premise is that these toys can be obtained by children through their own \”efforts\”. After parents put their children in this area, they can leave and let the children play alone for a while. Let him get used to playing by himself during this time. When your children get older, you can also create a toy corner, or a reading corner, where they can be alone without being disturbed. Yi Nengjing is particularly concerned about her daughter\’s millet grains and always makes her own food supplements. During this process, the millet grains were placed in their own little beds and stayed quietly. The nanny will cooperate with Yi Nengjing and will not hold the millet grains. For children, when to hold them or not to hold them is also a matter of habit. When they get used to being alone at a certain stage, they will not cry or clamor for company. . 2. Set up alone time. Discover something that your baby is interested in, and set this thing as her alone time. This will help your baby develop concentration and not be disturbed by the outside world. Yanbao is a child who is particularly interested in eating, so after he was eight months old, I started giving him complementary foodIt took a lot of effort. The color and shape are very special. Every time when he eats complementary food, put him on the dining chair and let him eat by himself. His meal time is about ten minutes. And during these ten minutes, I just did my own thing. From eating complementary foods, to playing with toys, and reading books, he has a chance to be alone every time, so much so that he can now independently use a reading pen to listen to stories, play with toys, and talk to himself, giving each toy Set up the role. I went back to my hometown on New Year\’s Day, and a few children were playing in the backyard, with their mother taking care of them. After a while, my mother told me that Yanbao was missing. I told her not to worry, he wouldn\’t run around, and after a while he came out of the front yard and said he went to poop. My mother and younger siblings gave Yan Bao a thumbs up and said that my education was good. In fact, because I am raising two children by myself, if I don’t cultivate their ability to be alone, I really feel that I am unable to do my job well. 3. Provide auxiliary tools for solitude. After arranging space and time, you need to provide some auxiliary tools. Promote your baby\’s ability to use their own hands, eyes and brain. You can give your children some hands-on toys, such as puzzles, building blocks, ropes and other toys, one at a time. When the toy is obtained, the child will start to study it on his own, and the parents only need to be there to accompany the child. When the child needs help, they will appear at the right time and let the child be the owner of the toy. Picture source: \”Little Shoes\” 4 Let children develop the habit of respecting each other\’s right to be alone. For some children with poor independence, parents can make an agreement with them that they should not be disturbed at a certain time. For example, when parents are cooking, answering the phone, going to the bathroom or talking on the phone, let the children gradually learn to control their desire to disturb their parents at the agreed time. The agreed time can be from short to long. When a friend\’s child discovers that his mother is talking to others outside, he must find something to say to his mother. She is very distressed. The child likes to be \”jealous\” too much. He thinks that she doesn\’t like to pay attention to him when she is talking to others. I taught her a method of raising her hands, that is, when she is talking to others on the phone or chatting, if the child needs to talk to her, she can raise her hands, and she must nod her head before interrupting her. A person who knows how to be alone is the real master of life. From a psychological point of view, solitude is an indispensable or staged way of survival in a person\’s life. A person\’s ability to be alone not only determines the happiness of life, but is also an important factor in determining the success or failure of life. Therefore, parents should give their children the opportunity to be alone and cultivate their ability to be alone. Of course, when cultivating children to be alone, you must also ensure that the children are safe.