Excellent children never listen to their parents

A parent asked, \”Teacher, my child is now in fourth grade. He and I often quarrel over playing with mobile phones. I feel that he is becoming more and more disobedient.\” Every time he said it was fun for an hour, but when the time came, he would often say that he hadn’t finished the game yet and would play for another ten minutes. After ten minutes, he would say that a new game had just started and he would play for another ten minutes, especially It drives people crazy and they can\’t help but get angry. What should you do in this situation? What should we do if our children do not follow the rules set by their parents and often cheat and violate the rules, causing the parent-child relationship to become worse and worse? I watched a video two days ago, and a teacher shared his management method. His child is in junior high school. Like many children, he is very obsessed with games and often loses track of time while playing on his mobile phone. So he discussed it with the child, and the following is their conversation. Dad asked, how long do you plan to play games today? The son said, one hour. One hour probably won\’t be enough. I\’ll give you one and a half hours. Dad, you are so good! One and a half hours is enough. Don’t be too happy yet! We need to discuss this. What if your game has just started and you are having fun, but it times out? Then I\’ll advance tomorrow\’s time in advance and just deduct it tomorrow. Keep your word! You have always been a trustworthy person, and dad believes in you. But how can we avoid this timeout situation? My son thought for a while and said, please remind me 20 minutes in advance. Let me set three alarm clocks for you, reminding you at 70 minutes, 80 minutes, and 90 minutes. good! The son happily agreed. Collect 50 classic books for your children, recommended in ultra-clear PDF version. After using this method, children’s mobile phone play is much more controllable than before, and there is basically no timeout. The key is that they have never quarreled over this matter again. , parents feel much more relieved. The two parents used different methods, and the results were very different. What is the difference? Every time parents need to remind their children, urge them when the time comes, or even snatch the phone, this is using \”people rule\”; discuss with the child in advance the time of use, the consequences and punishment of overtime, and use the \”middleman\” of the alarm clock to remind the child , this belongs to the \”rule of law\” and is in line with the spirit of the rule of law. It\’s clear that the latter works better for several reasons. First, discuss with your children in advance the time to use mobile phones. This is a more democratic attitude. Children can feel the respect of their parents and will be more willing to listen to their parents. Adolescent children have a very strong self-awareness, and they are very concerned about whether others take them seriously. They do not like to be treated as children, and prefer to have \”equal conversations\” with their parents. The more equal exchanges, the more they can fully express themselves. The more ideas you have, the less likely you are to rebel. Secondly, it is also important for parents to discuss with their children in advance what punishment they will receive if they do not follow the rules. Many parents do not think carefully in advance, and will get crazy when their children do not put down their mobile phones at the agreed time. They may say angrily, \”You will never play with your mobile phone again in the future!\” This will seriously affect the parent-child relationship. Parents should let their children understand that if rules are set, they must abide by them. If they do not follow the rules, they will be punished. If the punishment is initiated by the child, he will be more willing to abide by it. This is also very consistent with the spirit of democracy.Equality spirit. Third, using an alarm clock to remind a child is different from reminding a child yourself. The alarm clock represents rules, represents the system, and represents fairness. This has nothing to do with the individual. The child will hate the rules or even hate the rules at first, but he will Gradually adapting to the rules, in the process he will not hate the person who made the rules, which is a sign of maturity. This method is completely in line with the golden rule of family education that we often mention, which is to treat children with \”firmness without hostility\” or \”gentleness and firmness\”. Many parents also understand the importance of rules, but when their children violate the rules and fail to meet their parents\’ expectations, they will become very angry, easily lose control of their emotions, and show power, violence, suppression, disrespect for children, etc. This is \”hostile determination\” . In fact, only if parents use a \”firm and non-hostile\” attitude and the principle of \”treating the situation rather than the person\” can their children learn the rules without damaging the relationship between parents and children. Parents gently adhere to principles and boundaries, use a state of acceptance to understand their children\’s feelings, and express their positions in a way that does not hurt their children. \”Mom, I want to buy an Ultraman!\” \”No, my family is already much better!\” \”I want it! This one is different!\” The child started crying as he said it. \”Hold it, if you cry again I won\’t take you out next time!\” \”No! I want it! I want it!\” The child cried even harder. At this time, my mother also lost her patience and her voice gradually became louder: \”If you don\’t want to buy it, I won\’t buy it. You just bought a toy a few days ago. It\’s like this every time. After playing with it for a few days, you throw it aside. Look at your home now. There are so many toys. When I saw them, I wanted to throw them away to you. Why did you buy so many toys?\” \”No, I want them!\” the child said while starting to wave his little fist at his mother. \”I see you haven\’t given me a swab for three days!\” The mother lost her patience and slapped her, making the child cry even louder. \”Hold it! If you cry again, I will beat you!\” The child held back tears and left with his mother full of grievances. This is a typical example of \”hostile determination.\” It seemed that the purpose of disciplining the children was achieved, but in the process of insisting on the rules, the mother gradually lost patience and gentleness, became irritable, overly strict, and finally ended in violence. The child has learned nothing but violence, nor has he learned to obey the rules, and he has become more hostile to his mother. So what does “determination without hostility” look like? You can respond like this. \”Mom knows you want it, but we have already agreed that the number of each type of toys cannot exceed three. Since you have said it, you must keep it. Mom knows you are wronged. If you want to cry, mom can stay with you for a while. , but toys are still not allowed to be bought.\” This method allows the child to understand that it is useless to play around and cry. He knows that the rules are the rules and will not be based on personal ideas. At the same time, the mother\’s gentle attitude prevents him from becoming hostile. He will only hate this rule and then gradually adapt to it, but he will not hate his mother. No one is born a perfect parent, but everyone has the hope to become a good parent through their own efforts.