Excellent parents never reason with their children?

When your child has a tantrum, what do you do as a parent? I was visiting the mall with my friends over the weekend, and a crying and fussy child outside a toy store not far away caught my attention. The child, who was about 3 or 4 years old, shouted vaguely: \”I don\’t want it, I want it!\” The mother looked around nervously and squatted down to whisper something to the child. After a while, the child changed from crying to lying on the ground and rolling around. Many passers-by stopped and watched. Parents with children also pointed at the child on the ground and educated their children. Seeing that there were more and more people watching, the mother may have become a little angry and said loudly to her child: \”Didn\’t I tell you earlier? There are already so many toys at home, we can\’t buy any more…\” This mother The mother told the child a lot of reasons not to buy toys, but the child not only did not stop, but became more and more violent. Someone in the crowd shouted, \”You naughty kid, there\’s no point in reasoning. Just give him a beating!\” To be honest, I agree with this point of view. How can it be possible to reason with such a young child? Of course, it is not advisable to solve the problem violently. A friend on the side said something after seeing this, which impressed me deeply: \”Only parents with low emotional intelligence will continue to reason with their children. This is tantamount to a kind of verbal violence for the children.\” I was surprised. Friends have different ideas than ordinary people, but they have to admit the truth. Constantly reasoning with children is also a kind of verbal violence. The reason why children are children is because their way of thinking is not as mature as adults. Smart Ikkyu Mandarin complete works download [12 DVD high-definition 298 episodes] Many times, children\’s thinking is simple and direct. They do not know how to understand and think about overly complex truths, and it is even more difficult to digest the profound meaning hidden in the truth. Therefore, no matter how much parents try to reason with their children, the children may still remain indifferent or even become more violent. In the eyes of children, most of the time they believe that \”seeing is believing\” and whatever they see is what they see. If parents forcefully try to change their children\’s minds by reasoning, it will only aggravate the children\’s inner determination. Take the mother and child mentioned above for example. This mother keeps telling her child the reasons and reasons for not buying toys. No matter what words you try to persuade the child, in the end the child comes to only one conclusion, and that is: Mommy refuses to buy it for me. Not only that, the child will also think: Not only does my mother not want to buy me toys, but she also said a lot of words to \”teach\” me. Obviously, this is a \”trick\” commonly used by adults. We always hope to change children\’s behavior or thoughts through reasoning, but we always inadvertently bring up old scores. Stack the child\’s past mistakes together, and calculate the \”old and new grudges\” together in a reasonable way. Therefore, parents\’ reasoning is often seen as a kind of \”verbal violence\” in the eyes of children. In fact, reasoning is also a two-way communication process. If there is only one-way output from one party and the other party has no chance to speak, it becomes a kind of oppression or even a command. Similarly, the same is true for education. If parents keep talking to their children, but never listen to their children\’s inner feelings,Opinions and ideas are harmful to children. Not only children, but even adults will feel hurt and disrespected by someone who is not only unwilling to listen to their wishes, but also nags you to \”teach\” you. Therefore, if parents do not care about their children\’s current emotions and continue to reason with their children, it is tantamount to a kind of \”verbal violence.\” Constantly reasoning with children is the worst strategy for education. We often see this kind of education scene: when a child does something wrong, parents will inevitably try to reason with their children, telling them that they can’t do this, and they can’t touch that. What will happen? as a result of. But many times, as soon as the words are spoken, the child will still make the same mistake. Many old mothers couldn’t help but sigh: “Why don’t you listen to so many truths after I’ve told you so many times?” “Why are you so unreasonable? No matter what you say, it doesn’t work!” “Why are you saying these things? You just can’t listen?!” Yes, why do parents always take the trouble to reason with unreasonable children? Just so that children can have correct understanding! However, education is never a process of reasoning, but a process of letting children experience it. Rousseau once mentioned in the book \”Emile\”: Reasoning with children is the most effective education. For children, boring truths are far less interesting than the colorful world, so how can they listen to them? Furthermore, children generally experience the world intuitively and need in-depth understanding. How can we expect children to understand the principles of analysis well? The way children think about problems is inherently inconsistent with that of adults. There is a certain gap. Children often cannot understand the principles that adults sum up through experience. Some psychological research said: \”The distance between reasoning and accepting the truth may be very long. Whether a person can accept other people\’s opinions depends first on the emotion, then on the other person\’s behavior, and finally on the other person\’s language.\” This is true for adults, and children are no exception. Therefore, if parents want to effectively educate their children, they must practice it. There is a saying that goes well, if you want your children to be who you want your children to be, what kind of people your parents should be first. Parents are the best role models for their children. If parents cannot set a good example in front of their children and give their children a correct model to imitate, then no matter how many great principles they preach to their children, they will often have little effect. Therefore, when educating children, if you only talk about principles, it will often be ineffective. The most effective education requires not only words but also teaching by example. Suhomlinsky, an unreasonable educator with high emotional intelligence, once said: In any educational phenomenon, the less children feel the educator\’s intention, the greater the educational effect will be. Reasoning to children, the educational intention is too obvious, and most of the time children just passively accept it. And if you take your children to experience it personally and understand the truth, the power is much greater than reasoning. Therefore, when children have emotional problems, the following educational methods will be more effective than blindly reasoning with them. 1. Empathy with children Some parenting experts have mentioned that empathy is a very scientific method in parenting methods.When a child is in a mood, what the child most often wants is not for his parents to constantly reason with him and tell him not to cry or make trouble, but for his parents to understand, even a simple hug. Actor Sun Li once said: When a child is dissatisfied, angry, or sad, all he needs is a hug from you. Don’t preach. Understand him from his perspective, support him, and encourage him. Those great principles will wait until his mood is good. Let’s talk about it later… This is what is called empathy, tolerating and understanding the child’s current emotions, rather than rushing to reason with the child. Many times, love is not unreasonable at all, and understanding and tolerance are enough. 2. Learn to guide children not to lose their temper out of thin air. In the final analysis, there is a reason. Parents must learn to guide their children to express their thoughts in order to relieve their children\’s emotions. For example, if a child gets angry because he wants to buy a toy, parents might as well ask the child the following questions: \”Why do you want this stationery?\” \”Isn\’t this toy the same as the one you bought last time?\” Why do you want this instead of playing with the toy you bought last time?\” \”Would it be unhappy if you didn\’t play with the toy you bought last time?\” Use step-by-step questioning to guide the child to express his or her inner thoughts. It can not only relieve the child\’s current mood well, but also divert the child\’s attention. 3. Let nature take its course. Many times, the reason why children cry is to attract their parents\’ attention and then coax themselves to achieve their own goals. Therefore, if none of the above methods work, parents may wish to try cold treatment. When a child cries, the parents just pretend not to notice and go about their own business. When they need to talk to the child, they call the child as if nothing happened. Don\’t rush to criticize and educate your children, and treat your children\’s crying behavior calmly. When children find that crying is useless, they will naturally calm down. Children must be inseparable from the care and help of their parents, so many times children will calm down and \”get back together\” with their parents. Of course, one thing that needs to be reminded is that cold treatment cannot be excessive, just appropriate. Excessive cold treatment will cause certain damage to the child\’s psychology and make the child mistakenly think that his parents do not love him. There is a saying on the Internet that goes like this: if the parents are irritable, the children will be rebellious; if the parents are gentle, the children will be warm; if the parents are reasonable, the children will be unreasonable; indeed, the kind of children you have will be the same kind of parents. , many times, parents’ emotions and the way they deal with their children’s emotions have a profound impact on their children. When a child becomes emotional, it is not the best idea to just reason with the child. What parents should do is to provide guidance, not to cause trouble. It’s not just to tell your children a bunch of truths after blaming and criticizing them, but to learn to empathize with your children and follow the guidance. I hope you and I can become parents with high emotional intelligence and encourage each other.