Faced with your child’s puberty syndrome, you have to be “soft”

As a mother, there are always mothers around me who lament: When my children were young, I always spoke softly, but I only scared them. Now he is getting older and more disobedient, and I am becoming more and more impatient. I spend the whole day yelling. Adolescence is a period of rebellion, and it is absolutely true. In fact, while children are growing up, parents still stand where they are when they treat young children. When \”obedience\” becomes the only standard, a confrontation is bound to occur. In adolescent children, the prefrontal cortex in their brains responsible for rational thinking has not yet fully developed, but their self-awareness has already awakened. In the process of getting rid of dependence and moving towards independence, in order to protect themselves, children will resist external forces that they regard as confrontation, and impulsive rebellion becomes an inevitable form. At this time, if the parents are not aware and still deal with it forcefully, it will be like water meeting a rock, which will inevitably cause a huge splash. We often say that softness can overcome hardness. If you want your children to go through adolescence smoothly, parents must first learn to be \”soft\”. Soft tone: Only through equal dialogue can communication be smooth. There is a question on Zhihu: Why do children become less willing to communicate with their parents as they grow older? There is a highly praised answer that makes everyone sad: duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. Download the high-definition scanned PDF version. One year old can walk, and parents say \”you are awesome\”; two years old can sing children\’s songs; three years old can recite Tang poetry… Parents He also said, \”My child is so smart, he is a genius.\” But when I go to elementary school, especially middle school and high school, the most common questions are: Have you finished your homework? You did so poorly in the exam this time. Can you tell me what happened? Just concentrate on your studies and don\’t worry about other things… If the child has the slightest disagreement, he will be suppressed forcefully; if he can\’t get the answer, he will be blamed for not communicating. As children grow up, they discover that conversations with their parents are not communication at all. Just act like a receiver and receive the information from your parents. Sometimes the signal may be poor and the reception may fail. There are some words that almost every child has heard: If you don’t study hard, you won’t be able to sweep the streets in the future. If you play with your phone again, believe it or not, I will smash it? Look at others, then look at you! Parents\’ tone of voice lacks appreciation and praise for infants and young children. Instead, they are pointing out mistakes. It is not that the children do not communicate, but that the children have lost the right to communicate. Everyone longs for someone to talk to and share when they are depressed or happy. When a child is growing up, the most trusted person to confide in is his or her parents. But when parents turn on the red light at the exit of confiding, they can’t blame their children for losing their desire to communicate. Have you ever noticed that when parents are still novices, they always pay high attention and respond to their babies\’ explorations, and guide their babies to express their thoughts in a soft tone. When babies grow into teenagers and are able to express their thoughts clearly, parents choose to ignore and block them. Because they love their parents, the children remain silent and distant, no longer argue, and bear the grievances themselves. If parents can ask their children when they express different ideas, \”Do you have any better suggestions? We can try it.\” You will find that babies will tell you about the surprise of seeing little ants, and adolescent children can also tell you about the surprise of seeing little ants. You talk about your frustration when you encounter setbacks. Only when parents soften their tone can children see the path of communication and not get lost in adolescence. Have a soft attitude: Respect first before you have self-esteem and responsibility. “If a child disobeys, he will be beaten.”Just one meal is enough. \”This sentence has almost become a magic weapon to quickly solve problems. Isn\’t it a kind of suppression that defeats the strong and bullies the weak? We often give our worst attitudes and tempers to the people closest to us, and we never show mercy when beating or scolding children. In fact, Adolescent children are in a sensitive period of establishing themselves. Parents\’ attitudes can destroy their children\’s cognition, or they can build up their children\’s cognition. Voltaire once said, \”Self-esteem is an inflated balloon. When you poke a needle, it will explode.\” A big storm is coming. \”Only by appreciating and respecting children can children gain dignity and think about their future responsibilities. Once a boy was stopped by his teacher Tao Xingzhi because of a fight and asked to go to the office after school. When Tao Xingzhi saw that the boy had kept his promise While waiting in the office, Tao Xingzhi took out a piece of candy and said, \”You arrived earlier than me. This is a reward for arriving early.\” When the boy was confused, Tao Xingzhi took out another candy and said, \”If you stop when I ask you to stop, it shows that you respect me.\” At this time, the boy had lowered his head. Then Tao Xingzhi took out another piece of candy and said, \”You fought because that boy bullied his classmate, which shows that you have a strong sense of justice.\” At this time, the boy cried and said, \”Teacher, I was wrong. The person I hit was not someone else, but my classmate.\” Tao Xingzhi took out the fourth piece of candy and said, \”You have realized your mistake. It\’s time for our conversation to end.\” \”The thorny problem was easily resolved in this way, and the educational purpose was achieved. When encountering similar things, parents\’ instinct is to lose their temper and suppress them. Children also predict the situation that will arise and are prepared for confrontation early. The result is often Both sides suffer. You must know that the attitude of parents hides the future of their children. If parents can change themselves and make gentleness become instinct, first think about the reasons for the problem from the perspective of the child. Find the shining points related to the child, be gentle and gentle Firmly affirm the child and make the child feel respected and understood. Only then can the child have the confidence to be recognized and thus assume his or her own responsibilities. Be soft in behavior: Leave space to grow. Some people always say that parents are too great and have given everything for their children. , took care of everything. But it is precisely because the parents took care of everything that the children had no direction to work hard on the road to growth. Confusion and exhaustion have become the norm, and waiting, relying, and wanting have become instincts. There is a mother beside me, and her son is already ten years old. How old is he? Every morning, his mother has to help him get dressed and tie his shoes. The teenage boy was taken care of until he lost the ability to take care of himself. When his mother fell ill and was hospitalized, the boy\’s mother became sad that her son didn\’t care about her at all and didn\’t come to the hospital to visit him. Once, I had to worry about who would take care of the boy. The parents locked the child in a cage, but then opened the cage and blamed the child for not being able to fly. With his broken wings, he no longer knew what the blue sky had to do with him, and even coveted the comfort in the cage. If you want your child to grow up, you must give him the corresponding rights and freedoms so that he can take on the responsibilities within his power. For example, a father will call his son to his side before going on a business trip and tell him to take good care of his mother and take on the responsibility for his father. For example, Let the children buy a few apples on the way back from school, and the remaining money can be used by themselves. Another example is to let the children supervise their parents to read for half an hour every day. If they fail to do so, they will be punished and set an example for the children. Some people are jokingHe said with a smile that the simplest education is: follow the child\’s path and let the child have no way to go. My neighbor, Sister Zhang, has an angel son who is excellent in studies, a good athlete, and a master of self-discipline. When Sister Zhang bought a new racket and wanted to play with her son, she received a polite refusal from her son: \”Mom, I will play with you after I finish my homework. You can play by yourself for a while first.\” As a parent, you can also be weak. , rely appropriately on the children, let the children take care of their parents in turn, and sincerely express gratitude to the children. Only by giving children the opportunity to grow up in a gentle and loving way can they inspire their sense of responsibility and responsibility. Deprived of growth, no matter how good it grows, it is just a lifeless potted plant. When we take great care and cultivate a flower and it does not grow and bloom as expected, we will constantly look for our own reasons and think about what went wrong. When the object of cultivation becomes a child, facing this independent and thoughtful individual, parents always look for faults in their children and lose the patience and introspection they have when facing a flower. As a parent, as the children grow older, the \”idol burden\” of the parents becomes heavier and heavier, and the children are not allowed to comment or refute, and they become more and more tough. In fact, every adolescent child is a budding flower. Parents should be gentle and treat their children as equals. In the time it takes for a flower to bloom, the joy will naturally bloom.