Families with these 4 signs will raise their children well

Children are like a mirror that reflects a family. Their strengths and problems can often be found in their families. A large number of observations and studies have shown that if a family has the following four signs, it will be easier to raise excellent and happy children – 01 Family harmony and love. Harvard University spent 76 years tracking 268 people in order to answer this question : What kind of person is most likely to become a \”winner in life\”? George Valiente, a psychologist who led the study, said that the criteria for a \”winner in life\” are very demanding. The winner must be a \”decathlete\”: two of the ten criteria are related to income, and four are related to physical and mental health. 4 items related to close relationships and social support. It turns out that what determines success in life has never been IQ, body shape, parents’ income, or one’s own education level. The final answer is: love. As long as you can find \”true love\” before the age of 30 – whether it is true love, friendship or family affection, you can greatly increase your chances of \”prosperous life\”. The answer seems too ordinary to be believed. But researcher Valiente said: \”Love, warmth and intimacy will directly affect a person\’s coping mechanism.\” Frustrations in life are inevitable. People who often feel loved have inner stability and strength and are able to resist setbacks. You will be stronger, able to face the storms in life confidently and bravely, and cheer up quickly. On the contrary, people who lack love often lose courage and strength in the face of setbacks, and become mentally fragile and self-doubt. In the early stages of a child\’s growth, a harmonious and loving family will allow him to establish a full sense of security and self-worth. Such children will have innate self-confidence, a positive and optimistic attitude, the courage and confidence to explore and develop themselves, and it will be easier to establish good interpersonal and intimate relationships. It can be said that love is the most important inner driving force for children\’s growth. Hellinger, the founder of the famous family arrangement system, proposed that a happy family relationship is like this: the husband and wife stand closely side by side; the children stand in front and middle of the parents, forming a stable isosceles triangle relationship. Therefore, to create a harmonious and loving family, we must first manage the relationship between husband and wife. Parents should not often quarrel in front of their children, communicate well when things happen, and care, tolerate and understand each other. Secondly, parents must learn to love their children correctly. This love is more inclined to \”unconditional love\” and loves the child for who he is, rather than his external performance. Give your child adequate attention and companionship, give him more appreciation and less denial, and give him encouragement and help when he makes mistakes or is frustrated. A warm and loving family is the best starting line for children. 02 Parents have an optimistic and positive attitude. In real life, many parents often behave very negatively, and are used to complaining, complaining, and venting their emotions at will. Especially when facing children\’s education problems, they are overly worried and pessimistic. For example, the following words: \”If you don\’t study hard now, you won\’t be able to go to a good high school or university, and you won\’t be able to find a job in the future!\” \”If you can\’t do this little thing well, what\’s the use of you?\” \”You\’ll be so busy all day long. , the salary has not increased, what hope do we have for this day?\”… We have been emphasizing for a long time: the parents\’Emotions reflect the child\’s world. Parents are optimistic and positive, just like the sun shining on their children\’s whole world, giving them a full sense of security. They feel happy, relaxed, and full of energy, able to devote all their energy to self-development. And when parents often release pessimistic and negative emotions, the child\’s world will always be rainy, insecure, psychologically stressed, and anxiety levels will rise. More importantly, negative language and expressions will subtly affect children\’s way of thinking, causing them to lose confidence in themselves and hope in life. As a parent, delivering more happiness and positive energy to your children will help them develop an optimistic attitude, positive thinking, and grow confidently and brightly. The movie \”The Pursuit of Happiness\” tells the story of Chris Gardner, a salesman with only a high school education. In order to escape poverty, he rampaged through the financial streets and eventually became an excellent stockbroker. The most touching thing about this movie is that the protagonist Chris never gives up hope no matter what kind of adversity he finds himself in. Through his own efforts and wisdom, he finds a way to change the current situation with optimism and belief. At the same time, as a father, Chris never cried or complained to his children even if he lived in poverty and needed to live in a relief station. He also always conveyed positive and optimistic energy to his children, telling them to always maintain courage: \”Don\’t let Others tell you that you can\’t become a talent. If you have a dream, you must defend it. \”Although life is hard and conditions are poor, children who grow up in such an education are rich at heart because they are always looking forward to tomorrow. Have good expectations and put them into action. Cultivating optimistic, confident, and sunny children is inseparable from the influence of the family. First of all, parents themselves must set a good example for their children, adjust their cognition and mentality, and find ways to solve problems through practical actions instead of falling into negative emotions and being unable to extricate themselves. When parents have a positive attitude and are good at thinking about things from a positive perspective, it is easier to discover the shining points of their children. Secondly, give things a positive explanation and cultivate children\’s growth mindset. Treat mistakes and failures as temporary and accidental events, and encourage children to change the status quo through personal efforts. For example, if your child\’s math score is poor, you should tell your child: \”It\’s not that you can\’t learn math well, it\’s just that you haven\’t learned it well yet. As long as you find a way to work hard, you will always improve.\” When the child is frustrated because he can\’t go to the amusement park because of rain, you can Say to him: \”Although it\’s disappointing that we can\’t go to the amusement park, we can also be very happy at home. Come, let\’s play your favorite Ludo together!\” Start with the little things in life and pass on optimism and positivity to your children. mentality, which will become the wealth of the child\’s life. 03 Emotional stability and positive communication in the family. John Gottman, the master of interpersonal relationships, once pointed out that the ability to perceive and control emotions is even more important than IQ. These abilities determine a person\’s achievements and happiness in various fields of society, and also Including family happiness. It’s easy to see why we place more and more emphasis on cultivating children’s emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a kind of emotional intelligence, which refers to a child\’s ability to understand and control his own emotions, understand the emotions of others, and guide his own thinking and actions. The development of children\’s emotional intelligence comes fromIt comes from the parents’ emotional demonstrations and the communication patterns between family members. It can be said that if parents can talk to their children well and have good communication between family members, education will be half successful. The latest research published in the \”Journal of Social and Personal Relationships\” shows: \”Children who live in families where parents argue about trivial matters of daily life will be affected even in the face of emotional processing. They will be overly vigilant and anxious about emotional processing, Will be more susceptible to the influence of distorted interpersonal communication. \”If the parents\’ emotions are stable and the communication pattern between family members is healthy and peaceful, then the children will learn the correct way of communication, be able to control their emotions, and know how to use appropriate methods. Express feelings and needs. And if parents have poor emotional management skills, often quarrel, blame each other, and lose their temper at their children, the children will become sensitive and have low self-esteem, and they will also copy their parents\’ wrong emotional processing patterns, which is not conducive to establishing good interpersonal relationships. One of the biggest tests for parents in educating children is their ability to manage their emotions. In fact, many things can achieve the purpose of education without losing your temper. For example, if a child makes a mistake, it is important to teach the child to recognize the mistake and learn how to correct it. Blaming the child blindly will not fundamentally solve the problem. If you want to manage your emotions well, parents can follow these three steps: First, you need to realize that you are angry. When a person is aware of his emotions, his reaction mechanism will change and his ability to control will be stronger. Then press the pause button, give yourself some time to relax, stay away from the environment temporarily, and communicate with your child again later. Finally, there is reflection, where you can have an inner dialogue with yourself: Why am I angry? Is it really because of the children? Am I demanding too much from my children? What better solution is there than losing your temper? After these three steps, parents can face their children more rationally. In addition, you should also pay attention to communication between family members, learn to use language to express your feelings and needs, solve problems calmly, and do not use emotions as weapons to hurt each other with those closest to you. 04 There is an atmosphere of studiousness and motivation. There is a topic on Zhihu: What habits of your parents have influenced your life? A netizen replied: \”For more than ten years, my father has insisted on getting up at 6:30 every day to read and recharge. And my mother, whenever she has free time, will also pick up a book and read carefully. After dinner every day, my parents always meet upstairs Playing basketball in the open space, or going for a run, and happily talking about the benefits of exercise after returning home. Years later, I was surprised to realize that these were \”deliberate\” educations from my parents. I couldn\’t get up in the morning and would read a book. I felt sleepy and felt lazy when I exercised. But when I saw that my parents were still persisting, I suddenly felt that getting up early was not so painful, studying was not that difficult, and exercising has become a daily habit. \”There are always many parents. I am troubled by the fact that my own children do not like to study and do not want to make progress, and I envy other people\’s children for their excellent academic performance and self-awareness in learning. Little do they know how hard other people\’s parents have put in. If parents create a family atmosphere that is studious and motivated, they will most likely raise a child who pursues knowledge and loves learning. This kind of nurturing \”moisturizes things silently\” is difficult to compare with other forms of education.Up. In some families, the parents themselves do not like learning and have given up on self-growth, but blindly demand and force their children to learn and excel. The educational effect can be imagined. The best form of education is when parents and children grow together. While educating their children, parents should not forget to grow themselves. Whether at work or in hobbies, they should constantly improve themselves and set a good example for their children. If you often feel confused and anxious when educating your children, you might as well calm down and follow the above 4 points to create a good family atmosphere for your children. I believe that many problems will no longer be problems. Click [Like] and hope every child can grow up happily in such a family!