Faye Wong: My child, you can’t be bad, you don’t have to be bad.

After Dou Jingtong was born, Faye Wong wrote a song \”Child\”. In the song, Faye Wong sang about her expectations for her children: \”You can\’t be bad, you don\’t have to be bad.\” After Dou Jingtong grew up, Faye Wong did carry out family education according to this principle: not being a bad person was her untouchable bottom line; not being too well-behaved was her unconventional encouragement. Faye Wong doesn\’t want to restrict her child with too many rules, but tells her not to stick to the \”good\” label, but to explore, try, and find what she really likes. And Dou Jingtong also did it personally. Because of his love for music, Dou Jingtong resolutely dropped out of Beijing No. 4 Middle School and went to the Berklee College of Music in the United States. Because she wanted to make a debut, she dropped out of school again after one year and became an independent music producer. Faye Wong has always been very calm about this and has not interfered or obstructed. She knows that every child wants to realize his or her dream in life. This dream is like a small sparkling flame burning in the heart. Parents cannot extinguish it in a domineering manner. Every child wants to find his or her own path in life. Parents can give friendly suggestions but cannot forcefully interfere. Because of Faye Wong\’s tolerance and understanding, Dou Jingtong and her mother have a close relationship and understand each other, like warm-hearted sisters. Her character has developed very well in such a free and warm educational environment, and she is chic, happy and humble. Moreover, because Dou Jingtong was doing something she liked, she was extra focused and hard-working, and soon achieved outstanding results. She formed her own band, served as the lead singer, took charge of songwriting and songwriting, and released several albums such as \”Stone Cafe\” and \”Kids Only\”, which were well received by the music industry. Her songs are very personal, aura and uninhibited, with rich layers and novel arrangements. This allowed her to shine on the stage as a star at a young age, captivating everyone. Every child can actually be such a shining star, and every star has its own unique trajectory. The most important thing as a parent is not to forcefully plan a path for your children, but to allow your children to find their own path, their own trajectory. Canadian poet Priest once said: \”What children need most is some wise indulgence.\” Yes, what parents have to do is not to shape, control and define, but to let go, accompany and encourage. We need to stay with our children, respect their wishes, let them become what they really want to be, and encourage them to live their best lives. Instead of using your own love to control and imprison him, so that he has no choice or idea of ​​his own, and becomes a \”good boy\” like a marionette, living a depressed and aggrieved life. In the fourth season of the British drama \”Black Mirror\”, there is such a science fiction story: There is a mother who loves her daughter Sarah extremely. In order to protect her from all aspects, her mother implanted a chip in Sarah\’s brain. With this chip, her mother can control her vision and filter the images she sees. From then on, her mother blocked many things from the outside world for her, and Sara could not see anything that \”good girls\” should not see. Sarah was originally an active child who liked to run around.Be curious about the world. But her mother was afraid that she would get into trouble and that she would be too playful, so she never let her go out to play or learn talents. Moreover, in order to protect her daughter as closely as possible, her mother never dared to let Sarah go to school far away. From elementary school to middle school, I always chose a school close to my home and could just walk to school. Therefore, Sarah\’s life has become extremely monotonous, with school and family living in a tight balance. She went to class and study step by step, without entertainment or rest. All the choices in life have been made for her by her mother, she just needs to follow the rules and follow the rules. Later, on the surface, Sarah grew up to be the \”good kid\” that all parents want. She has a docile personality, is serious and well-behaved, her hair is neatly combed, and she neither causes trouble nor is naughty. However, in fact, due to the strict control, Sara has been living an extremely depressed life. There is a wild horse in her heart, always eager to break through the barriers. When Sarah grew up, her mother turned off the visual blocking function and stopped over-restraining her. At this time, Sarah was exposed to so many novel things at once, and it was difficult to discipline herself. As a result, she, who was once severely restrained, began to try to live freely and went to the other extreme. At only 15 years old, she started staying out all night, making her mother extremely anxious. She also made the mistake of making bad friends, taking drugs, getting pregnant, and running away from home. Before running away, in order to retaliate against her mother for years of control, she even used violence and beat her mother until she was bleeding and bleeding. At that moment, the sad mother shed tears and said to Sara: \”I just want to protect you, I want you to be safe.\” However, the mother never thought that it was her over-protection and over-control that caused the child to grow up. Opportunities for exercise, trial and error, and self-management are lost. Therefore, when Sara grew up, she had no ability to identify bad people, no restraint when faced with temptation, and no ability to endure setbacks. She kept causing trouble and only knew how to escape afterward… This person Mom, she just wants a good child, but she never thought that everything will turn against her when it reaches its extreme. Those good children who have never expressed themselves under the pressure of their parents are more likely to become bad as adults, and they become worse. This is true in science fiction movies, and it is true in real life. A friend of mine who is a psychiatrist at university said that many of the \”good children\” she has treated have very similar situations: they have been tightly controlled by their families since childhood and cannot have independent opinions on their own lives. Under the \”supervision\” of parents, immerse yourself in study. After entering college, they suddenly gained freedom, so they began to spend money and indulge in games until they failed countless classes and were about to be expelled from the school, but they still did not regret it. Another friend who does marriage counseling also said that sometimes, those who were once \”good kids\” are more likely to cheat after marriage, and they are determined to cheat. When they were young, under strict family upbringing, they never had the opportunity to interact with the opposite sex. When they grew up, they got married according to their parents\’ orders to matchmakers. Their lives are too plain, too regular, and too unwilling, so they may not be immune to passion outside of marriage. Goethe once said: \”We cannot mold children according to our own ideas, we must allow their nature to develop freely.\” Yes, children\’sDevelopment and growth must be allowed to take its course without forceful intervention. Therefore, in normal family life, we might as well do this: give children the opportunity to plan and manage their own study, work and rest, diet, etc., and do not have to do everything. Treat your child with a normal heart, try to understand and accept your child\’s emotions, and avoid saying to your child: \”I\’m warning you…\”, \”I\’m doing this for your own good, you must…\” \”I\’ll count to one, two, three…\” …Otherwise…\” and other words that deliberately show parental authority, the sense of distance created by such words will actually make the parent-child relationship drift away. Encourage children to develop their own interests, take time to see the world, make friends, broaden their horizons, develop their ability to communicate, and develop their ability to recognize people. When children have different ideas than your own, respect the child\’s independent personality and independent opinions, avoid harsh comments and criticism, speak gently to the child, help the child analyze the pros and cons, and let the child see things more comprehensively. As a parent, when managing your children, you really need to understand this: I am me and my children are children. We are different living individuals. In the wilderness of endless time, we meet and intersect due to fate. What we need to do is not to restrain and control each other, but to warm and comfort each other and cherish this wonderful opportunity in life. If parents over-control their children in the name of love, they can easily become overly rebellious; if they over-protect their children, they can easily become overly depressed. As the writer Chateaubriand said: \”Some things you think are good may suffocate your children.\” The correct parental love should be like wings on the children\’s shoulders, allowing them to Flying high into the clouds, like a tiger with wings. Inappropriate parental love will be like thorny vines and thorns that bind a child. On the one hand, it makes him unable to use his hands and feet, and on the other hand, it makes him resentful and full of anxiety. Those negative emotions accumulate over time, like a cavity of boiling lava, buried deep in my heart. When emotions have accumulated to a certain level and suddenly erupt like a volcano, parents are often caught off guard and regret it too late. Young life is inherently passionate and full of life. Therefore, parents should try to guide their children\’s lives and choices instead of blindly suppressing them. We can try to be like Faye Wong and give our children the freedom to develop and the right to choose as they grow up, instead of always interfering in everything. In this way, children will not only be happy, but they can also give full play to their abilities and fully experience their lives. As American parenting expert Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson said: \”By allowing your child\’s personality to develop, you can raise your child to be a happy, mentally healthy person.\” Children\’s happiness is actually just like ours The fine sand in the palm of your hand, the tighter you hold it, the more it will leak out. If you exert too much force and manage it too strictly, you may lose it. It\’s better to relax a little and give him guidance and motivation. As the saying goes, children and grandchildren will have their own blessings, and their lives should be written and defined by themselves. After all, the lives of parents are not the prequel of their children; the lives of their children are not the sequel of their parents. Let your children be free, letHe doesn’t have to be too obedient, find his own unique excitement and unique fun. Each of our lives is a unique miracle.