Five tips to help children gain high self-esteem and become confident

Many parents worry that their children are timid, have low self-esteem, and are afraid of new challenges. Half a year ago, my child also suffered from low self-esteem and shyness. He always felt that he was not good enough in all aspects, and his grades occasionally declined. He was discouraged. He was not selected in one voting and simply avoided all similar selections. When she got back the Chinese language paper two days ago, it scored 90 points (the highest score in the class was 97 points). She said with confidence: My overall Chinese language ability is good in the class, but my test scores have declined slightly this time. She scored 97 points in the English test (the highest score in the class was 99 points)), but she still maintained a high profile. My listening and speaking are good, but I just fell a little short on the written test. Overall, my English is the best! The teacher commented on her , IQ is high, EQ is slightly weak, and I occasionally quarrel with my classmates. The child thought about it and said, I think if we evaluate emotional intelligence from the perspective of being able to speak well, all students can be roughly divided into four levels. I am at the third level. Next, my goal is to rise to the second level… The child becomes Gaining self-confidence and developing a clear positioning of myself only happened in half a year. In fact, I only used five unique tricks. 1. “Selfish” parents. In the past few years, I also projected all the meaning of my life onto my children. Therefore, I took over, was impatient and harsh, and tried to change the growth trajectory of my children. I did not even allow her to make mistakes or regress. In fact, it was my attempt to transform the unfulfilled self Achieved through children. Think about how terrible it is, how can a weak child bear so much pressure? This is like a young seedling trying hard to sprout, but there are huge old branches on it. Is it strange that it doesn\’t grow crookedly? ! Various conditions of children are also rooted in this. Everyone has a need for progress in their heart. When a person gives up on self-growth, he will attach the realization of his life value to others (usually relatives), hoping to prove himself through the success of others. And when I started to focus on myself, I worked hard to strengthen my family income, exercised and exercised to improve my physical fitness, read to increase my knowledge, and made friends to broaden my horizons. My needs for self-growth were gradually satisfied, and I became more confident and confident, taking the initiative to improve my life and that of my children. Strip away and get busy improving yourself. Only when children are free of burdens and ties can they unleash their vitality and realize self-management and self-correction. Second, I unconditionally believe that this semester, my child will wear myopia correction glasses. The left and right lenses are color-coded. My child mentioned this to me several times, but I ignored it. Later, after consulting an optometrist, I found out that they were really different colors, and I didn’t know when it started, but I had put them on my child backwards. I regretfully apologized to my child and said, why didn’t the doctor tell me earlier? ! The child smiled and replied that the doctor said so when he tried it on for the first time. I felt ashamed for not trusting my child, but the child responded calmly, \”It\’s okay, it\’s okay, adults are like this, and we kids are used to it… Afterwards, I reflected on how much trust children have in adults such as parents or teachers.\” It is much higher than that of adults for children, because their minds are simple and unfettered. It is precisely because parents and other adults are constrained by so-called experience and experience, and the unconfidence in their hearts will be extended to children. We use encouragement with purpose.Encourage to guide, or even deny, judge, or criticize, gradually destroying children\’s innate trust in adults, and pushing children\’s hearts further and further away. Please believe in your children unconditionally. Parents\’ belief will make children burst out with vigorous vitality. 3. Respect children. Although children are young, they will have their own reasons. Although their choices and decisions are judged from an adult\’s perspective, they may not be correct or reasonable. Parents can make suggestions, but they cannot force their children to change. Trial and error is also a kind of growth, and children will definitely gain something from it. As small as dressing and eating, as large as choosing interest classes, as long as it is related to the children, try to listen to the children\’s opinions as much as possible. My child started learning piano when she was six years old. She just wanted to learn and not practice, so I coerced and induced her. In the past two years, my mother and I had numerous conflicts over piano practice. After discussing it with her, I simply gave up. She was quite excited at the time and finally didn’t have to practice the piano. After a year of suspension of classes, my child took the initiative to ask me to resume piano lessons. In my heart, there are actually 11,000 reluctances. Now that the homework has increased and it has become more difficult, how can I have any extra time to practice? ! The child said eagerly, I like to learn music, and the piano is the best way to help. I can reduce some playing time to practice piano. Although we were reluctant, we decided to support her unconditionally. Children who are back on the road are just like cheating. Basically, they finish their homework quickly every day and squeeze out time to practice the piano. When she was practicing piano, I did my own thing and ignored her. Although there were IPads and various extracurricular books on the desk next to the piano, the child could not touch them at all and focus on practicing. Only when parents unconditionally believe in their children can they respect and support their children\’s ideas. A child has a simple mind and must choose what he likes. Only liking will motivate him to work hard and persevere. Good emotions will naturally lead to good behaviors, and the child\’s self-cognition system will gradually form. 4. Talk less and listen more. One day before going to bed, my child told me in frustration that it was too annoying and that I never wanted to take physical education class again… Normally I would blurt out, \”Are you a sports committee member?\” How can you not take physical education class? Don’t always try to be lazy! Fortunately, I controlled my mouth at that moment and just held her tightly and said, \”You must be very sad.\” Tears burst out of her eyes instantly. \”Mom, there are only a few children in physical education class who can\’t jump on one leg, and I am one of them. Then a few children who have completed it laugh at me. I am so disappointed in myself.\” I still hugged her and wiped away her tears. It doesn\’t matter, baby, this is not your fault. I absolutely believe that you have tried your best. It\’s just that the method or the force may be wrong. Let\’s find a physical coach to learn from it over the weekend. The child nodded, calmed down, and fell asleep peacefully. I\’m extremely glad that I didn\’t say any judgmental words. The child was already very sad when faced with something he couldn\’t accomplish despite his efforts. The ridicule from the children made it worse. Wanting to avoid physical education class was also an instinct to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. If I continue to label her as \”lazy\” indiscriminately, the child\’s heart will probably collapse and there will be nowhere to put it… When a child performs certain behaviors, judging and labeling them is the most direct way for parents and even teachers to do so. reaction.Because adults were judged by parents and teachers in various ways when they were young, we have learned and internalized this interaction pattern. Judgment will cause children to lose the desire to express their true thoughts. If things go on like this, children will close their hearts and themselves tightly, making it difficult for parents to enter. 5. Help children reduce stress. After applying the above four points, the most critical family soil for the growth of high self-esteem and self-confidence children has basically been established. Parents only need to use patience as nourishment to continuously nourish their children and wait for the flowers to bloom. However, for school-age children, there are also great influences from outside the family. They are not parents, so they cannot pay attention and experience in detail. Children may have some cognitions that they may not be able to fully digest. Parents need to observe and help their children clarify and reduce stress. My child, who is in third grade, came back a few days ago and said worriedly, Mom, ***, the top student in our class, has signed up for two Mathematical Olympiad classes and has entered the Mathematical Olympiad training team of a key junior high school in ** City. I did not learn the Mathematical Olympiad. What should I do if I fail to get into a key junior high school? I held her hand, looked into her eyes and said, life is so long, and there are so many tests and tests. The promotion from junior high school to junior high school is just a summary of the stages. Success or failure does not determine your life. Mom believes that happiness and meaning every day are the key to success. Too many people start from small towns and have brilliant lives without dazzling academic qualifications. However, you must also want to be admitted to the city\’s key junior high school, right? First of all, it is not yet certain that if you don’t learn the Mathematical Olympiad, you will not be able to pass the key exams. But just to be on the safe side, why don’t we also sign up for two Mathematical Olympiad classes? As long as you study hard, I guess it’ll be fine, but the premise is that you have to give up some of the other extracurricular interest classes you are currently taking, invest a lot of time, and focus on studying Mathematical Olympiad and Mathematical Olympiad classes. Do you want to brush up on the questions? The child frowned and thought seriously for ten minutes before replying, \”I\’ll think of it as a unit test, so I won\’t be nervous.\” Moreover, I don\’t want to give up my hobbies, and learning those will make me happier. My goal is to go to a key junior high school in the district so that I can balance my study and interests. I breathed a sigh of relief and hugged my child. In fact, this was also the goal I envisioned, but I couldn\’t decide for her. I understood and supported her. We worked together and were willing to bear all the consequences. We cannot change the general environment of society, but parents can create a unique soft environment for their children, so that their children can experience being trusted, respected, understood, and tolerated at home, and receive unconditional and absolute support. In recent years, the view that both parents are harmful and that the family of origin is destructive has become very popular, which shows that the growing environment plays an irreplaceable role in a child\’s growth and can explain the origin of most of the characteristics of each person. Despite this, if an adult, especially a parent, blames all problems on his or her original parents, he is avoiding problems, evading responsibility, giving up on self-growth, and retreating into a vicious cycle. The past is irreversible, and all everyone can grasp is the present. Please muster the courage to break the shackles of the soul and establish a new virtuous cycle. Children only grow up once. By seizing this opportunity, parents can actually live a new life together and create a suitableadapt to the environment in which your children will grow up, and at the same time correct your own childhood mistakes. After all, we are our children’s family of origin.