Fortunately, I didn’t leave the first few years of my child’s life in someone else’s hands

Fortunately, I met Lucy during my break. There is something shining in every article she writes, even on the old topic of \”no matter how difficult it is, you have to take care of your own children.\” She hit the nail on the head and pointed out the ultimate bug of those parents who do not want to take care of their children – they are too confident in their blood relationship with their children, thinking that the baby will come if they click their fingers. There are too many examples to prove that this is completely wrong. Every important relationship requires careful management, and the parent-child relationship is no exception. Like me, she appreciates moms who work hard with their kids and choose to make adjustments at work. This is not giving up or sacrificing, it is just a choice in this period of life. As a woman who becomes a mother, it is indeed difficult to balance work and life, because we need to make a choice; but it is also possible to balance work and life, as long as we make serious choices. A friend told me that she would be stationed abroad for a year. My first reaction was: What about the child? She said: \”One year of patience has passed. I hesitated at first, but after reading what Dong Qing said in the article – what kind of person do you want your child to be, you should first become such a person yourself. I don\’t I should give up the opportunity for self-growth for the sake of my children. My struggle is also a role model for my children.\” I was speechless for a moment. The cute little face of her two-year-old daughter came to mind. I read that article, and my first reaction was: chicken soup is poisonous. Of course, maybe Dong Qing was referring to a more macro concept, which I only understood narrowly. And my friend, like me, understood this sentence in a narrow way. 01Really, what kind of person you are will determine what kind of person your child will become? Have you given your children positive energy by desperately pursuing your own value? I thought of Wang Shuo. Wang Shuo did not shy away from his bad relationship with his mother, and even appeared on CCTV\’s \”Psychological Interview\” in order to ease the relationship. Wang Shuo described an experience in a childhood hospital: His mother was dedicated to being the best in the hospital where she worked and protecting herself wholeheartedly. She never considered her son’s feelings. Her mother had never cared about her since she was a child. When she was a teenager, she had an appendix surgery and was not even in the hospital. Escort. Wang Shuo\’s mother said: \”I asked my youngest son if he could forgive his mother. He said he couldn\’t forgive me. I was very sad to hear that. I just hope that my son can forgive me when he grows up.\” However, Wang Shuo\’s mother miscalculated. When her son grew up, he The pain has never healed, and the vacancy in mother\’s responsibilities has not been forgiven over time. Wang Shuo said: For a long time, I didn’t know that people were born from mom and dad. I thought they were born from the country and there was a factory that specialized in giving birth to children. It is difficult for everyone to get over the pain of their childhood, but they have no choice in childhood. In terms of personal values, Wang Shuo\’s mother pursues progress and is always actively making progress. Unfortunately, what her children experienced was not this, but a lonely and indifferent childhood. Wang Shuo\’s mother probably doesn\’t know that when a woman becomes a mother, she has an additional identity, and this identity requires management just like our identities as employees, directors, and CEOs in a company. We must work hard to be worthy of this identity. However, our relationship with our children is different from our career in that it has an additional blood relationship. Sometimes we are overconfident, and overuse this blood relationship, thinking that even if there is no business, even if it is vacant for three to five years, I will still be his mother, and he will still be my child. My dear, that\’s not the case. A parent-child relationship that is not managed, just like a job that is neglected, will eventually be lost. A child\’s growth is irreversible, and he will not wait for you to finish your work before coming back to be intimate with you. When Wang Shuo quarreled with his mother, he said: \”You didn\’t care about me when I was a child, but you do now. If you want a son, will your son come back?\” However, for many working women, they already have a job that fills their lives. As a mother, I can\’t take it into consideration at all. Fortunately, they did not foolishly choose the vacancy of motherhood, but chose to adjust their jobs. I have a neighbor. We are of the same age and from the same hometown, so we are very close. She originally had a third-rate undergraduate degree and was admitted to Wuhan University as a graduate student twice. She holds a CPA certificate and works for a Fortune 500 company. Before having a baby, I got an MBA from Shanghai Jiao Tong University. It can be said that it is a journey of chicken blood and a positive teaching material for life\’s struggle. But after her two children arrived one after another, she chose to resign and opened an after-school care class near the community. Yes, you read that right. An MBA offers a night care class. It’s the kind of night school where you pick up a group of other people’s children at the gate of the elementary school at three o’clock every afternoon, supervise their homework, and then cook dinner for these children like a mother. Care classes. At the beginning, there were not many children in the after-school class. Later, after more than half a year, the parents of the students heard about her high academic qualifications and sent them over with confidence, and the business gradually improved. I asked: Do you feel lost or regretful? She said: No, this is my willing choice. This choice ensures that I have something to do while taking care of my children. My previous job looked beautiful, but it was almost impossible to be a mother. I said: Do you think it is a sacrifice? She said: No. All choices follow my heart and the direction of happiness. Even if I have a successful career, I can\’t be happy if the position of mother is vacant. I said: How do you explain your previous struggles? She said: No need to explain, I am also working hard now, but the surface is not as glamorous as before. Life is a period of time, and in this period this is my best choice. I love my children and need to spend time with them, but I also want to keep myself occupied so that when my children grow up, I can exit gracefully. Her words touched my heart. Aren\’t you pursuing such a mother? Is it what others say that you start slacking off after becoming a mother? They lowered their left hand that was once raised high in order to give some strength to their right hand so that it could also be raised. In my opinion, they are more worthy of admiration. They know that motherhood, like her career, takes time. Some mothers open a children\’s clothing store near their home in order to take care of their children. Some mothers choose to be headhunters at home in order to take care of their children. In order to take care of their children, some mothers choose a home-based work model and would rather have their basic salary reduced by half. I have a colleague, and the way she balances it is to keep her home within a 10-minute walk of her work. She moved frequently and barely lived in the house she bought just to have three more hours a day with her children. However, the child’s natural dependence on the mother and ourIt is often said that blood is thicker than water, which can really give some people the illusion. I have a distant relative, whom I call my cousin. She is a doctor and lives in Beijing. From the time the child was born to the age of three, she never slept with her once, including on weekends, because she needed a full night\’s sleep. She is not a career-oriented woman, but she has always been petty bourgeois. She didn\’t want to embarrass herself just because she had a baby. The milk came the day after giving birth, but she refused to feed it, saying she didn\’t want to and it was too annoying. Now the milk powder is also very good. Her mother advised her, no matter how good the milk powder is, is it better than breast milk? You are still a doctor. She said that her colleagues who were breastfeeding all had sagging breasts and sallow complexions, and she did not want to ruin themselves like that for the sake of their children. As a result, the child slept with a nanny until he was three years old, and there were more than a dozen nannies changed during this period. When she was sleeping soundly, could you imagine the uneasiness and fear that little life experienced during the long night? Doesn\’t she love children? She loved, loved in her own decent way. Every weekend, I take my children to high-end restaurants, even if I can’t bear to eat there. You must take a nanny with you when you go out, because holding a child is too tiring. Every season, I buy big-name children\’s clothing overseas, and a pair of Nike shoes for my children costs 1,200 yuan, even though my own shoes never cost more than 500 yuan. She pursues her own values ​​and enjoys her decent appearance. Last year, I took my children to travel to Beijing, and she came out with her children to accompany me. Her son was already 8 years old at this time. The first half of the day was barely normal. I was slightly rude to my mother, and occasionally I would slap my mother with my hands. During lunch, I had a tantrum with my mother, and the situation got out of control. Looking at his son\’s expression, it was not the first time that he had fought like this. This scene was vividly presented in front of me, which aroused his fighting spirit. I looked at my cousin. She was more embarrassed than angry, and her posture was no longer decent. Later, the cousin had no choice but to call her husband, who got in the car and picked up the child first. When the child left, he glanced sideways at his mother, and his leaving figure seemed to be victorious. I guess he was probably called a troublemaker by adults, but who can understand that the lack of maternal companionship in childhood made him as anxious as a baby and as helpless as a baby. My cousin said: \”I can\’t imagine you traveling alone with two children, and they are still so young. Both of your children are well-behaved, and I can see that you take care of the children effortlessly. Unlike this naughty boy in my family, I swear I will never have one again. Someone brought him out.\” I didn\’t know what to say for a moment. A saying comes to mind – the effortlessness you see is because of the special efforts behind it. She is the epitome of over-reliance on blood relationships. I think she would be worried about a rift even if she and her husband had been separated for three years, but she was too confident with her children. I thought that if I clicked my fingers, the baby would come. As for decent appearance, who has had decent appearance in the first half year after giving birth? But is this really so important? If a mother has never stayed overnight when her child is sick, has never been unkempt, has never been hysterical about the child with her husband or mother-in-law, and has never been nervous about the child\’s slightest change… When the child is three years old or seven years old, you How can we appreciate the sweetness of the passage of time? Only when you have been tired can you know how to be leisurely; only when you have been bitter can you know how sweet it is. Big S has strict requirements when she is singleI am a paper person, so white that I shine, so beautiful that I am crazy, and I have long hair that even my perverted boyfriend cannot touch. After becoming a mother, she became slightly chubby, wore flat shoes and had short hair. When we assume the role of mothers, we sometimes lower our proud heads and become worried about gains and losses. We no longer feel free and easy as girls. We also start to be anxious and neurotic about our children, just like all other ordinary mothers. Feeding is the most beautiful gesture of a mother. This does not mean losing oneself. If you have never experienced this role in depth, how do you know that the most tiring bond is also your most beautiful possession? In this world, there is no effortless parent-child relationship. There is no relationship that does not require management, and no closeness should be taken for granted. If what you see is effortless, it is because of the special efforts behind it.