Frequently scaring children can have serious consequences

If you don’t obey again, the police will come and arrest you.” “Be careful, there is a big bad wolf outside.” “If you keep making trouble, your mother will not want you and give you to someone else.” Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend and complained to me: At home Many elderly people will always choose \”scare\” methods to force their children to obey when their children are disobedient and uncooperative, especially when they make mistakes. Faced with the parenting conflicts that arise in intergenerational parenting, even though they clearly know that this is not good, they will It affects the child\’s physical and mental health, but you don\’t know how to guide it scientifically. In fact, this kind of inadvertent frightening of your child will hurt him far more deeply than you think. If you or your family are using this kind of parenting \”routine\” \”, please remember: Never scare your children like this, the consequences are really serious. Children, you dare to \”make mistakes\”. When their children do something wrong, the first reaction of many parents is to yell. \”How did you do it? How many times have I told you to be so careless?\” \”If you can\’t do such a simple thing well, what else can you do? \”Didn\’t you hear what I told you?\” Why don\’t you have a long memory? \”When it comes to their children making mistakes, many parents will sigh. Just telling their children doesn\’t work at all. If they don\’t yell or yell, the children will not have long memories. Only yelling and punishment can make children remember the mistakes they made. Is that really the case? ?Dr. Maria Montessori believes that if a child will stop deviant behavior after being punished or rewarded, then the child is obedient because he is afraid of being beaten or scolded, rather than because of self-control. Dr. Montessori shouts Tao: Rewards and punishments are spiritual tools used to enslave others. They will only induce children to make unnatural efforts. If rewards or rewards and punishments are always used, such children will not only be inactive but also lack initiative. Confidence. 1. Making mistakes is the only way for children to grow up. When your child makes a mistake, you should be happy. Especially for children aged 0-6, when a child makes a so-called \”mistake\”, don\’t rush immediately Stopping depends on the degree of his \”mistakes\”. For those \”little mistakes\” that will not hurt himself or others, let him do it as much as he wants. This is the necessary stage for children to learn and explore. Children will In the process of \”error-learning-try-correction\”, learn to think and summarize. If you scold and stop your child as soon as you see him \”making a mistake\”, it will affect the cultivation of your child\’s independence. After all, children are in the growth stage, and making mistakes is a Normally, you can be appropriately accommodating to some innocuous small mistakes, and do not teach your children about any mistakes. 2. Making effective mistakes is conducive to children\’s self-education. Psychologist Professor Kapur once proposed a concept called \”making effective mistakes.\” Parents should not think that it is bad when their children make mistakes, but should look at the mistakes made by their children objectively. When the result of a child\’s mistake is positive and effective, the mistake will be more meaningful. This is how children use \”trial-error\” -Correction\” learning process, recognize their own mistakes, thereby changing their thinking patterns and behaviors. In Montessori teaching, many teaching aids have the attribute of \”error control\”. This characteristic of error control, and Instead of focusing on getting children to correct their mistakes, we should focus on keeping children within a controllable range.Within the scope, trial and error are constantly carried out. Dr. Montessori pointed out that error control is the highest degree of intellectual activity. It will guide children to use teaching aids correctly and make children aware of their mistakes. This not only helps children realize their mistakes and correct themselves, but also enables self-education. After a child makes a mistake, it is better for parents to educate their children, which is difficult for most parents. Faced with various little surprises created by children every day, almost all the time and energy have to be spent to \”put out the fire.\” Although every day is full of earnest preaching, the children still do not perform as expected. When a child makes a mistake, parents should discuss the matter as it is, without judging or blaming the child. Helping children recognize their mistakes and think about how to solve them is what parents should do. 1. Control your emotions. Educate your children. Parents must control their emotions. Parents\’ emotions have a great impact on children. The personality and temper of parents will directly affect the psychological development of their children. As a parent, ensuring your own emotional peace is the greatest education you can give your children. When they see their children making mistakes, the first thing parents need to do is to control their emotions, and secondly, use appropriate methods to let their children understand what they did wrong and what they should do right. Use calm but firm language and tone to communicate problems with children instead of scolding, yelling or threatening. Otherwise, children will only pay attention to the emotions of adults and not recognize their own behavior at all. 2. Give children love and a sense of security. When children make mistakes, no matter how angry they are, parents must not adopt \”threatening parenting.\” Children who become well-behaved and obedient after being threatened often have a psychological burden in their hearts. You must know that all children\’s sense of security and belonging comes from their parents\’ unconditional love and recognition of their children. Especially for children under 6 years old, the younger the child, the more unconditional love and attention he needs from his parents. Preschool children are a critical period for establishing a sense of security. Parents\’ love, respect and encouragement will make children\’s hearts richer and they will always feel \”I am loved\”. This is also the source of children\’s self-confidence. 3. Help children have the courage to take responsibility. Bacon said: \”Responsibility is the most precious seed in the world. If it is sown in children\’s hearts early, they will reap a lifetime of happiness.\” After children make mistakes, the most meaningful education is Let him realize the consequences of his actions and assume corresponding responsibilities. Only by letting the child bear the consequences will he know where he went wrong and what kind of trouble or harm he has caused to others. Only by personally experiencing the process of taking responsibility can children sincerely admit their mistakes and correct their behavior. Parents should not think that since their children are still young, they can ignore it if they make mistakes. After children make mistakes, they must be principled and may abandon punitive measures, but they must understand the harm and consequences their mistakes have brought to others. This can help children clarify their concepts of right and wrong and develop their own sense of responsibility. Therefore, when children make mistakes, they must be guided in a positive direction to think about the consequences of their actions. In this way, the next time the child encounters such a thing, he will understandWhat should Bai do so that the child can make progress. 4. Parents and children grow together. Parenting expert Wang Renping once said: \”What kind of people we are, how we treat ourselves, how we treat life, how we treat the world, will be how we treat our children.\” What kind of people our parents are directly determines The way he raised his children. Dr. Montessori said that education is the environment, and what kind of environment creates what kind of people. Every word and deed of parents in daily life will be imitated and learned by their children. The power of the absorptive mind not only determines what kind of person a child will become in the future, but also affects what kind of life the parents will lead in the future. Therefore, parents must first become that kind of person if they want their children to become that kind of person. The best way to educate is for parents and children to grow together. Parents who know how to grow with their children are wise. Educating children is a long process. As our children grow up, we ourselves will change bit by bit and become better ourselves.