Getting along with adolescent children: Children are not deliberately looking for trouble

01 Yesterday, the teacher sent out a registration form for future scientists, on a voluntary basis. When my eldest daughter came back from school, I told her: There is only one spot in the school, and if your mother didn’t apply for it, you will be admitted on a merit-based basis. If you apply, it will be in vain. Just after saying this, the eldest daughter burst out emotionally: You don\’t trust me, you didn\’t apply, how did you know you couldn\’t be admitted. The second daughter standing aside couldn\’t stand it anymore: her mother just said something normal and didn\’t offend her, and her sister was deliberately looking for trouble again. I told my sister, it’s nothing to do with you, so don’t get involved and just do your homework. As a mother of a child and an adult, you have to catch your child\’s emotions. I explained to my child that it’s not that my mother didn’t trust you, she thought that she was applying based on academic performance. Based on academic performance, she would definitely not be admitted. If she wanted to apply, it’s still too late to register now. Eldest daughter: I won’t go. It will take up time to attend classes on weekends. Me: Then why were you so emotional just now? Eldest daughter: I feel like you don’t believe me. Me: Look into your mother’s eyes. You are my daughter. No matter what happens to you, your mother loves you, believes in you, and supports you. She was relieved and went to do her homework. 02 Psychologist Erikson\’s personality development theory: Divides a person\’s life into eight stages, each stage faces specific psychosocial conflicts and tasks. The following is a detailed description of these stages: Preinfancy (0 to 1.5 years old): Primary conflict: basic trust vs. distrust. Developmental tasks: Develop basic trust in caregivers and the outside world. Late infancy (1.5~3 years old): Main conflict: autonomy versus shyness and doubt. Development tasks: Learn to act autonomously and develop a sense of autonomy. Early childhood (3~6 years old): Main conflict: initiative and guilt. Development tasks: Develop initiative and achieve goals through action. School age (6~12 years old): Main conflict: diligence and inferiority. Development tasks: Achievements and ability formation through learning and work. Adolescence (12-18 years old): Main conflict: self-identity and role confusion. Developmental tasks: Establish positive identities and prevent role confusion. Early adulthood (18-30 years old): Main conflict: intimacy and loneliness. Developmental tasks: Establish close relationships with others and avoid isolation. Mid-adulthood (30-60 years old): Main conflict: reproduction versus stagnation. Developmental tasks: Achievements in career and family and avoid stagnation. Late adulthood (after age 60): The main conflict: self-improvement versus despair. Developmental tasks: Review life, accept life, and avoid feelings of failure. These stages not only cover the life course from birth to old age, but also highlight the psychosocial tasks and challenges unique to each stage. Erikson\’s theory emphasizes the importance of social environment and culture on individual psychological development, providing us with a framework for understanding human behavior and development. 03 Let’s look at this stage of adolescence: self-identity and role confusion. The popular understanding is: Who am I? How do I get to know myself? What am I going to do? Who do I do it for? Who is important to me? What place should it occupy in society? What kind of person do you plan to become in the future? How can I survive in society? When children are thinking about these issues, they are not clear and confused. Just like the beginning of the article, the child is veryWhen I get angry, I don\’t actually mean to find trouble, but I use some things to determine my position in my mother\’s heart and whether my mother recognizes me and believes in me. If even one\’s own parents are doubtful, then the child will actually fall into self-doubt even if he or she is stubborn and confrontational. For a tree to grow well, it must take root and have nutritious roots. Only then can it grow into a towering tree. Parents are the roots of children. When we encounter problems with children, we have to think about what the children want to express and what they want to get from their parents. As a parent, think about what I can provide to my children. In this way, we will not blindly define children and children. Competing, but understanding the child and solving the confusion of the child\’s growth.