Getting along with adolescent children: Only when parents are calm can communication be effective and can they have a good relationship with their children.

Some parents will ask me how to communicate with their children and what to do next. I will tell them what to say, empathizing with their children, and how to say it, the children will listen. But after feedback, some of them are very effective, and the parent-child relationship has improved. Some people have also communicated with their children in this way, but it has no effect. Why do the same methods have very different effects? In addition to the differences in children, there is another very important factor. Parents are pretending to accept and communicate, using terminology and techniques. There is no interaction between people, no collision between hearts. Parents say these things purely to make their children listen to her. It becomes a means. For example, when a child plays a game and parents care about their child, behind the care, you should stop the game and study hard. What you care about is learning, not the child as a person. Fear of games delays learning, games delays children\’s future, and fear of communication is not caring, it is control. What do you really care about? Mom feels sorry for you staying up late at night and playing games, which affects your sleep. Mom wants to know what happened to make you feel that the game is more important than your body. Mom wants to help you, give the child some water, get some clothes, and adjust a suitable chair to make the child feel comfortable while playing the game. You need to understand what kind of game your child is playing, how to fight in it, and what experience your child has in the game? Tell your child that when she sees you playing games every day, your mother is also very curious and wants to know how to play. Ask your child to help you play the next game. , as a novice, ask your children how to play, this is the link, do things that the child is interested in, understand him, care about him, and communicate with the child. What happiness means is to open your heart. You pry open the child\’s heart by doing things that interest the child, and bring the child out of the game world little by little. It is more important for the child to feel your love than games. At this time, your words will be effective. The child will no longer feel that speaking is a skill, but the sincerity of the parents. 02 It is not easy to truly accept and accompany your children sincerely. You must be calm, without too many distracting thoughts, but quietly accompany your children and follow their thoughts. The article I posted yesterday was for children. I wrote it to my children, but also to myself, to reorganize my parent-child relationship with my children, because both children are in adolescence, and it is easy to fall into anxiety at the time of the high school and college entrance examinations. Therefore, if you calm yourself down every day, you can truly accept your child\’s behavior and language. The various messages teachers receive in the group every day may cause anxiety at all times, but parents should always know that we are adults and can dissolve our own anxiety and filter it. Do not convey anxiety to your child and reduce energy consumption on your child. It is indeed difficult for parents in our generation. In the past, material conditions were not rich. If parents could buy some delicious food, buy some good clothes, and go out to play, the children would be very satisfied and feel the love of their parents. In today\’s age of material abundance, children need more spiritual companionship. The actual requirements for spiritual companionship are relatively high. Parents need to let go of fear, comparison, and all kinds of face. When these are let go, it is the encounter between life and life. Only then can you see the child\’s cuteness, the child\’s interest, the child\’s kindness, the child\’s responsibility, the child\’sThe courage, the plight of the child, the fragility of the child. Feed back what you see to your children and have in-depth discussions with them. Then is the real communication with the child. There is a saying in Buddhism: Concentration can produce tranquility, tranquility can produce wisdom, and wisdom can produce wisdom. Confucianism also believes that tranquility brings wisdom. The Taoists say: The spiritual platform is quiet, tranquility can produce concentration, and concentration can produce wisdom. Therefore, if we want to get into the children\’s hearts and have a good relationship with them, we must first adjust our minds, calm ourselves down, settle down, and become a calming needle, so that we can lead our children forward.