Getting along with adolescent children: You are born good, no matter what, you are good

01 This morning, when my eldest daughter was leaving for school, she didn’t put her shoes on the shoe rack. When she opened the door and went out, her father asked her to come back and put them away. The eldest daughter didn\’t respond and left without looking back. Dad was a little angry and complained to me: Look, he has no literacy at all, his shoes are not arranged properly, and he doesn’t respond. I comforted him, he went to college, out of sight, out of mind, just endure these four and a half years. Dad said, what can I do in the future? If I don’t do housework and can’t do my own things well, what should I do if I go out into the society? This is the difference between my child’s father and me. He grew up with strict education and did what his parents asked him to do. Good habits, excellent qualities. But people have also become dogmatic, standardized, and inflexible. He became better at doing things, but lacked patience when talking to children, and his emotional connection was weak. He couldn\’t sleep if something wasn\’t done, so he had to do it no matter how tired he was. When my mother was young, she loved to be clean, and she was very strict with me since I was a child. The house must be kept clean. When I was a kid, when there was no washing machine at home, I would wash my quilts by hand. They were still made of white cloth, which made them super white. If it\’s not clean, she has to ask me to wash it again. The floors, tables, and mirrors at home must also be wiped clean. In the countryside, my mother is the cleanest in the village. My mother was so strict with me, but I didn\’t internalize it. I worked just to avoid making my mother angry. As long as I did everything well, my mother wouldn\’t criticize me and I wouldn\’t have to do it again. When I go to college, leave my mother, and have a free life, I can live whatever I want. I don\’t like to be bound by rules. I remember a few years ago, a mother saw two consultants. After consulting for a period of time, she felt that it was not suitable. Later, someone recommended me, and she came to me for consultation. She said that you are really flexible, and it is very comfortable to chat with you, and you are not bound by any theory. Rather than saying that psychology respects individuals and freedom, I would like to say that maybe it is because I pursue freedom more in my heart, so I raise my children with love and freedom. I am very tolerant of my children and not obsessed with good habits. We don’t have any good habits in our family. This is something her father often doesn\’t understand. He can\’t control it, but the child has a big backstage mother to support her, and she can feel free. 02 I never worry about the future of my children. I think a person has strong social adaptability. In our house, I spoiled the children and didn\’t do any housework. I broke my bones and went to my sister\’s house. Her two children plus the two of us, each of the four children worked like a school duty, and each of us had to wash dishes for a day. I also adapted well to my sister\’s house. Children at different stages have different growth needs, and they also have their own choices and cognition issues. For example, my daughter now takes good care of her shoes. She used to not clean her shoes for a week, but now she cleans the soles every day when she comes home. She said that only when they are clean do they feel comfortable. Underwear and underwear used to be washable, but I often had to wash them a second time. Now they are extremely clean. My desk is now kept very clean every day. If it is not clean, I feel uncomfortable doing homework. In the past, taking a bath was laborious and she found it annoying when you asked her to do so. Needless to say, now she feels uncomfortable without taking a bath. 03Looking back, I think about how I achieved love and freedom, because I firmly believe that every child is positive and capable of self-correction.Children are born good and are good no matter what. The child cannot do it, but the time has not come, the need has not come, and the stage has not come. Just like yesterday, a mother came to me for consultation. Her son ate too much. She was worried about her health and refused to lose weight even if she asked her to. I told her that your persuasion is useless. As soon as a girl you like appears and thinks she is fat, you will be motivated and she will naturally lose weight. The male classmate in our class used to be slovenly, but later he got a girlfriend and became a completely different person. He is clean and energetic every day. I give my children love and freedom, but of course it is not without discipline. I will take care of things that are important and bottom-line principles. Not only will I take care of them, but I will also be very firm. We all know that being strict with oneself and being tolerant to others are noble qualities. In fact, if you are strict with yourself, it is difficult to be tolerant to others. Even if you are tolerant, it may be for the sake of good character. Only by accepting and tolerating yourself enough can you truly be tolerant and tolerant of your children. Also to all the parents in the world, don’t deny yourself, you are born good and you are good no matter what. Your child is born very good and is good no matter what. When good parents see good children, this is the encounter of love and the encounter of life.