Good children are a shame to their parents

The vast majority of parents like obedient children, from the smallest to the basic necessities of life. \”Baby, listen to mom, it\’s cold today, so wear another sweater.\” \”But I\’m not cold.\” \”Mom says it\’s cold, just be cold. Be obedient.\” \”Okay.\” Or maybe it was. \”Baby, listen to mommy and drink this bowl of soup.\” \”But I don\’t want to drink it.\” \”Good boy, this bowl of soup is nutritious. Mommy specially made it. Drink it.\” \”Okay.\” The big choice at the crossroads, choosing a career and a spouse. \”Listen to your mother and go back to your hometown to take the civil service exam.\” \”But I want to see Shanghai.\” \”What is there to see in Shanghai? Housing prices are so high and the pressure is so great. Can you bear it? Be obedient and come back.\” Okay.\” Or so. \”That girl is nice. Be obedient. Let her be the one.\” \”But I don\’t have feelings for her.\” \”What do you want to feel? You have to live a down-to-earth life. You young people are too frivolous. Listen to mom. Mom is Come here.\” \”Okay.\” Under this kind of \”obedient\” education, the child finally becomes what you are satisfied with, eats the food you like, wears the clothes you want to wear; A good job, doing what you love; finally, marrying the girl you like. But, are such obedient children really good? The writer Wu’s mother once told an incident about her own children. Because she was busy with work, she always hoped that her children would be obedient and less noisy. So he kept instilling in him the awareness of \”listen to mother\’s words\”. Once the kindergarten teacher called and said that the child peed his pants. Wu\’s mother was very surprised: \”My child is so old, how come he still wets his pants?\” When I got home in the evening, I saw that half of his trouser legs were wet. Mother Wu asked the child: \”Baby, why did you pee your pants?\” Child: \”During lunch, the teacher served us rice. I wanted to pee, but I couldn\’t hold it in anymore and I peed my pants.\” Mother Wu: \”I wanted to pee.\” Why didn\’t you tell the teacher?\” Child: \”But the teacher said you can\’t talk while eating, and you can\’t leave your seat randomly, otherwise the food will be spilled on the table, and food will be wasted if spilled on the table! Mom, didn\’t you say, You have to obey the teacher at school.\” The child looked pious, and Wu\’s mother was stunned for a moment. She tried to make the child obedient, but the child wanted to pee but still held it in. Wu\’s mother never expected this to happen. When educationist Li Xigui visited the United States, he found that students in American schools were very lively and even a little noisy in class. Teachers often asked questions in the east and students answered in the west. What surprised him even more was that even so The answer usually wins the teacher\’s encouragement. Classrooms in Chinese schools are completely different. Children are orderly and respectful in class. Even their sitting postures are trained, and even their raising of hands to speak is so neat. Li Xigui was suddenly proud and said: \”Twenty years later, Chinese education will definitely catch up with American education.\” More than 20 years have passed, and it is Americans who have won various top international awards and created super multinational companies. , the most popular country for Chinese students to study abroad is the United States. \”Sitting in a uniform manner, wearing uniform clothes, raising hands in a uniform manner, and giving uniform answers. After all, we are cultivating students,Still cultivating wooden people. \”Writer Zhang Yiyi said. With excessive obedient education, what you raise is not a child, but a wooden person who copies your thoughts and executes your instructions. On the contrary, those who seem disobedient, often go against their elders, and are mavericks often become He has achieved extraordinary achievements. Song Yaoru worked as a waiter in his uncle\’s tea shop in the United States and wanted to study. However, his uncle refused to agree, so Song Yaoru ran away from home immediately. Later he met Charlie Jones and was admitted to Trinity College. Laying the foundation of the Song Dynasty. \”China Partner\” Cheng Dongqing failed the college entrance examination twice, so his parents asked him to stay in the countryside and farm: \”You, this is your fate in this life. \”He didn\’t believe in fate, so he knelt down and kowtowed, and begged the elders in his hometown to raise some money. In the third college entrance examination, he was admitted to Peking University. In \”The Boy Who Came to Classmates\”, young Mao Zedong went home for the New Year, but was locked in the bedroom by his father. Quan went out and forced him to stay, inherit the inheritance, get married and have children. Mao Zedong took advantage of the moonlit night to climb over the wall and ran away secretly by himself. This was how he became the founding chairman of New China. You see, absolutely Most successful people will encounter resistance when they start to do something, and most of the resistance comes from their own families. Children who are too obedient will have their dreams die because of their parents. A Princeton study Psychological research experiments show that children who are not very obedient have several key advantages over obedient children: Children who are too courageous and obedient may be like this. \”Son, you listen to your mother and you are right to take the civil service exam. of. \”\”good. \”Disobedient children may look like this. \”Son, you listen to your mother and you are right to take the civil service exam. \”No, I don\’t want to be a civil servant.\” \”Even if you don\’t know what you want, you are sure of what you don\’t want, and you can reject your parents, have a stable job, and accept uncertainty. This is courage in itself. ·Independence \”Do you want a larger portion or a smaller portion of noodles? \”Would you like a big bowl or a small bowl of coffee?\” \”Do you want the ice cream to be chocolate or vanilla?\” \”For children who have grown up listening to their parents make decisions, these problems may all be problems. Some time ago, \”Metamorphosis\” aired a story about a rich second-generation girl who was 18 years old, but still had to be fed by her parents. Of course, this Just in terms of life and psychology, children who are too obedient develop a servile mentality. They treat their parents like ancient courtiers treated the emperor. Even if they live independently, their psychology is still slavish and they cannot make decisions when encountering key problems. , and even develop into a mama\’s boy. ·Children who are too obedient and have no sense of responsibility. \”Mom and Dad, do you think it\’s better for me to take the postgraduate entrance examination or work?\” You guys help me decide. \”Mom and Dad, you decide whether it\’s better for me to marry girl A or girl B.\” \”Because I have no way to make decisions, I subconsciously avoid responsibilities. When I have my parents as a protective umbrella, I can still survive safely. Once I work, when I need to make a decision, I am unwilling to make decisions because I am afraid of taking responsibility, and give up the opportunity to improve myself.\” This is not the case for disobedient children. The poet Wang Zengqi said: \”The road you choose must be walked on your knees. \”You also have to bear responsibility for the consequences of the choices you make. Over time,, formed habits, and disobedient children often have a strong sense of responsibility. \”Before making a decision, consider the possible consequences of the decision and whether you can bear the consequences.\” In my opinion, this is a sign of a person\’s maturity. ·The three most harmful sentences for children with high adversity quotient: \”My child, you are so good\”, \”My child, you are so obedient\”, \”My child, you are so sensible\”. Without a sense of independence, they are unable to make decisions about their own lives, and they dare not take responsibility. Such children will eventually put all their problems on their parents, enjoy it, and enjoy their parents\’ praise of them. If you don\’t have any setbacks in your life, and you don\’t experience any big storms, how can you have a strong mind, that is, high adversity quotient. Disobedient children are criticized by their parents every day, which in itself is a kind of negation. Sticking to one\’s own choices in the midst of negation is high adversity quotient. When Yu Minhong took the college entrance examination for the third time, everyone denied it, but he persisted and succeeded; when Soong Meiling married Chiang Kai-shek, everyone in her family denied it, but she persisted and became the \”First Lady\” of the Republic of China; of course, your child may not be able to become Yu Minhong and Song Meiling, but children with high adversity quotient generally do not do too badly. Why are some children so obedient? Maybe they are really obedient and don’t have their own ideas about everything. Parents are always the subject. Maybe children actually have their own ideas, but they are often suppressed by their parents and become \”good kids\” in the eyes of others. I have a buddy who is like this, and he has quite a lot of ideas when chatting in private. He often talks to us about his entrepreneurial dream: \”Chinese people are getting richer and richer, and the obesity rate is getting higher and higher. The fitness industry will definitely not be bad. I will definitely open a gym in the future.\” But in front of his parents, he obeys what they say, \” That friend of yours is too wild. Don’t make friends like this.” “Okay!” “Come home after college and be obedient.” “Okay!” “You’re not young anymore, don’t choose, find someone to get married to.” “Okay! !\” Now this guy is 30 years old and has found a job in his hometown. He looks miserable all day long and has no ideas about life. \”Both parents are a disaster. This may be a bit extreme. But sometimes, it is like this. The suppression of parents has indeed killed many children\’s lives that should have been more exciting.\” Wu\’s mother said. If a child is too obedient, it is a failure of parental education. Many people say: \”My parents never know what I want. They only know that they put their own values ​​​​and dreams on him and force me to do what they think is good.\” If your child treats you If you obey what you are told, it is probably because there is something wrong with your education method: · Impatientness is related to the child. Before the child has finished speaking, you have decided first. Child: \”Mom, I want to…\” Mom: \”Okay, let\’s do this.\” Child: \”Mom, can you…\” Mom: \”What can I do? I am doing this for your own good.\”… …\”Parents who are impatient will definitely not raise good children.\” · Someone who has a strong desire for control says: \”Happy families do not have people who are very controlling.\” In the same way, successful children will not Having very controlling parents. I saw a story on Baidu Tieba: A high school graduate was admitted to a 211 university and wanted to go to a school outside the province to see more of the world.The parents directly bypassed their children and listed the school in the province, and plausibly said: \”It will make it easier for your parents to take care of you.\” In fact, it is not caring, but their desire for control cannot make them allow their children to leave the province. As a result, this classmate went to a school in the province, and in order to get revenge on his parents, he skipped classes every day: \”I asked them to take the classes they chose. I skipped class and went online. Later, I was caught taking drugs. The first thing I said to my parents was It’s: “Now you are satisfied. \”Gibran said: \”Your children are not your children, they are the children of the life you desire. \”When you block their desire for life, they will have no vitality. · Lack of communication Sun Xiaoyun said: \”The most valuable words of Chinese parents are: \’Child, what do you think? \’\” It is true that very few parents take the initiative to communicate with their children when they encounter problems. In \”Little Farewell\”, Haiqing hired an English teacher for her daughter Duoduo, and Duoduo immediately said: \”Mom, please Have you discussed the teacher\’s matter with me? Can you respect me a little. \”Later, the English teacher\’s teaching methods were too rigid and Duoduo couldn\’t listen. Huang Lei found her his own apprentice – a beautiful English teacher, Zhou Jiacheng. Zhou Jiacheng grew up in the United States since he was a child and accepted the lively English teaching in the United States, so she As soon as Duoduo was in class, he let her watch the English version of \”The Twilight Saga\”. This made Duoduo very happy, and her interest in learning English immediately increased. However, this kind of education method was rejected by Duoduo\’s English teacher Well, Hai Qing fired Zhou Jiacheng directly. Duoduo couldn\’t see Zhou Jiacheng, so she cried and made trouble: \”What do you mean? Why can\’t you ask my opinion about my matters? \”In anger, he ran away from home. Many times, asking children \”What do you think\” about many things can not only avoid conflicts between parents and children, but also train children\’s decision-making ability. The educator Mr. Tao Xingzhi once said \”Six Big idea\”: \”Free children\’s minds from morality, prejudices, and illusions; liberate children\’s hands from the shackles of \’this is not allowed to be touched, and that is not allowed to be touched\’; liberate children\’s Mouth, giving them the freedom to ask questions, liberating them from \”not talking too much\”; liberating children\’s space, allowing them to contact nature and the big society, liberating them from birdcage-like schools; liberating children\’s time, but not tight arrangements , liberate from the excessive examination system; give democratic life and conscious discipline, and teach students in accordance with their aptitude. \”In fact, in addition to basic life disciplines and right and wrong, such as stopping at a red light and walking at a green light, and legal knowledge that children need to understand and abide by, other things can be allowed for children to develop freely. In my opinion, the changes in society in the future will grow exponentially, and only a very small number of parents can see the stability amidst the changes and give their children a good education. First, parents must realize that the world will change. Many parents are psychologically unwilling to admit that the world is changing rapidly. Changes, especially for many parents in third- and fourth-tier small cities. Mr. Fei Xiaotong once said in \”Country China\” that ancient Chinese society was an agricultural society. Generations settled on fixed land for generations, farming, studying and passing down family traditions, and lacked mobility. gender, so the farming experience left by the older generation is of great benefit to the young people.It is very useful, but in a rapidly changing Internet world, continuing to hold this kind of thinking is pedantic and prejudiced. Kevin Kelly said in \”Out of Control\”: \”Don\’t worry about letting life go where it wants to go. It has its own strength and will adapt on its own.\” You don\’t have to worry about your child going to Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou to work hard. Tired, they have their own vitality; you don\’t have to worry about your children being unhappy after marriage, they have their own adaptability. When you turn your worries into coercive measures, you can stifle a lot of possibilities for your child. Second, give him quality, not money. The best education parents give their children is not money, but the quality that shapes them. Yuval Harari, the author of \”A Brief History of the Future\” said: \”No matter which world they are in, those who are courageous, independent and good at thinking, and are not easily defeated by setbacks will eventually stand at the top of the pyramid.\” You see, Song Yaoru Although they are wealthy businessmen, they still let the three Song sisters go hiking on a rainy day in order to exercise their character. Writer Chen Qingqing takes her children to run marathons around the world in order to hone their character. Socrates said: \”Excellence is a habit.\” Excellent people will be excellent in any industry, because excellent people all have the same qualities. Third, cultivate children\’s awareness of consequences and tell them: \”Your decisions and choices will have such consequences, can you bear them?\” Writer Chen Qingqing once told a story. When she made a choice when she was a child, her parents would always tell her She said, \”Have you thought about it carefully?\” She went to work far away, and her parents said, \”As a girl, it will be very hard for you to work outside. Without the support of your family, it may be very tiring. You think about it?\” Are you clear?\” She resigned and came to work in Shanghai. Her parents said, \”You quit your job and go to Shanghai. It\’s such a big city and there\’s such heavy work pressure. Have you thought clearly about it? Can you bear it?\” Therefore, Chen Qingqing has always had a very clear awareness of the consequences, that is, \”I have chosen this matter, what consequences may there be, and can I bear it?\” It is important for children to develop awareness of consequences to prevent them from making impulsive and wrong decisions throughout their lives. Third, allowing children to be themselves is the most successful education. Wu Qishi said: \”To truly grow up, you must get rid of the expectations of others and find your true self.\” The same is true for true education. It is not about making children become copies of you, nor is it about children getting farther and farther away from their own hearts and gradually gradually Became a product of the will of the parents. It is to let children be themselves, have their own favorite jobs, their own favorite scenery, their own favorite girls and boys, their own favorite visions, their own favorite colors, and their own favorite foods. What parents have to do is to give them enough rights and freedom to like. Let them be themselves, this is success and happiness. Let go of your obsession with raising an \”obedient child\”. No matter what a person wants to achieve, he needs strong psychological energy. A child who is blindly required to be obedient by his parents will definitely not have such energy. He can\’t accomplish anything. He can only do it day by day, bit by bit, and gradually become passive and lost.A mediocre person of energy. I like this mother\’s confession: I told my daughter word for word, \”You don\’t need to listen to your mother, you only need to listen to yourself.\” Mom hopes that you have the ability to think independently. Mom hopes that everything you do comes from your heart. Mom doesn\’t want to impose her will on you. Mom believes in all your choices. Mom believes that you will be responsible for every decision you make. You don’t need to listen to your mother, or do whatever your mother tells you to do, just do it. Mom will not use the curse of obedience to polish you or twist you. Mom believes that when you grow up listening to yourself, you will be happier, more enthusiastic, and have psychological energy that is so powerful that it can shock people. I hope your children can do the same