Harvard doctor\’s child too shy? How to help her?

Shy kids happen to all of us. Most children may be shy at some point or another. Normal shyness may be due to sensitivity, it may be due to natural introversion, or it may be a characteristic of age. Moderate shyness can become a person\’s characteristic, sometimes even giving people a unique charm. However, excessive shyness can hinder a person\’s growth. I have an overly shy four-year-old in my class. This little girl seemed different when she first arrived in our class. On the one hand, she has a mind that is beyond the normal level. She is always the most focused during morning circle activities and has a strong learning ability. On the other hand, she is like a little snail, always hiding in her own shell. Whether in the classroom or outside the classroom, she was almost alone doing her own thing. Every time they see children chasing each other outside the classroom while she just keeps playing on the slide, the teachers inevitably worry about her. However, this shy little snail also has thorns. Once, I tried to get closer to her and asked her who the cartoon character on her clothes was. She said a name coldly, and her eyes quickly glanced at me, making me suddenly feel the coming of winter wind and snow. Children\’s words and deeds may sometimes offend adults. However, after studying child psychology and education, I understand that no matter which way they are, children are actually just expressing themselves. That cold answer was a very good clue for me. Because this most likely means that the child has been humiliated to some extent due to ignorance. And that kind of humiliation was probably like a knife, deeply hurting her sensitive heart. I answered her politely, \”Thank you for telling me. I didn\’t know it before, but now I know it.\” After this incident, I kept trying to invite her to run and jump with me outside, but she was rejected every time. Cold rejection. But it doesn\’t matter, I can play with other children. Every time I noticed her peeking at us, I would wave and invite her. My efforts were not in vain. One day, she actually accepted the invitation and played a game of tag with us! Each time, I deliberately caught up with her, grabbed her in a position that was close to a hug, and then deliberately let her catch me, listening to her laugh happily. Our games outside the classroom are becoming more and more natural. One day she actually started to take the initiative to tell me about her research on acorns with her brother at home. I asked her how to do research and worked with her to find a way to crack open acorns with pebbles. The children gathered around and asked me to continue arresting people. I said, \”XX is studying acorns, let\’s go and see them together.\” So a group of people gathered around her. At this time, she did not escape, but continued to show everyone confidently. However, when she returned to the classroom, she quickly turned into a little snail. Unless the teacher specially arranges it, she always does her own thing quietly. One day, she was sitting at her work. I picked up my work and tried hard to get her attention. She usually does things very seriously, but that day she just sat there and looked at me blankly. After a while, he suddenly cried, \”Wow…\” and said, \”I miss my mother!\”\”Her mother is an emergency physician in the Harvard system. She is usually very busy and has a very chaotic schedule. She often doesn\’t know which day her mother will be at home to sleep with her. Perhaps the insecurity caused by the lack of her mother\’s company makes her particularly sensitive. Go ahead. I approached her and asked her, \”Do you want a hug?\” \”She nodded. I held her in my arms and gently stroked her back. I asked her, \”You always say you want to be a doctor, is it because after becoming a doctor, you can go to the hospital to see your mother? Already? \”Yes,\” she cried. \”Her crying was different from other children. It was very depressing. Even when she was out of control, she still tried to control herself. Maybe she usually cried like this when she was hiding alone in the quilt. Since that cry , she was obviously much more relaxed towards me. And once she relaxed, her chatter box immediately opened up. Jili Guala told me a lot. About how she learned to skate, how she and her brother designed a treasure hunt at home, and let her parents hunt for treasure. , and deliberately hid the treasure in a place where only children could reach it. Once I gained her trust, I could more easily direct her attention to communicating with her classmates. Slowly, I started to communicate with my classmates. As they communicated, she became more and more confident. Being shy is actually not shameful. On the contrary, shy children are often keenly aware of their own feelings and attach great importance to others\’ feedback on their words and deeds. They like to be alone, They like to be quiet, think, and study. They often have a deeper understanding of things, which will make them shine uniquely. They also care about others, but more often they just hide this care in their hearts, because they often don’t Know how to build close relationships with others. Using the multiple intelligences proposed by Howard Gardner, a developmental psychologist at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, to explain, shy children actually have relatively strong intrapersonal intelligence, but they are There is a lack of interpersonal intelligence. I myself have been a very shy person since I was a child, so I can easily sympathize with this shy child. I understand that shy people need a lot of their own space, but on the other hand, they are still They need friends and close relationships. This child’s parents are both Harvard doctors, and they are very kind. Judging from the child’s description, the parent-child relationship is also of high quality. However, the profession of doctor is destined to prevent them from having a normal routine. Children often do not Know whether you can see your parents at night. For sensitive children, this can easily destroy their sense of security. Another characteristic of medicine is truth-seeking. Judging from the children\’s descriptions, this family attaches great importance to knowledge and often meet together Do some research activities. Even the books children bring to school to share are professional books introducing animals and plants. Emphasis on knowledge is worth encouraging. However, for a four-year-old child, too much emphasis on knowledge, especially too much Paying attention to the correctness of knowledge will put a psychological burden on them. Reflected in this little girl, it is the cold gaze that swept towards me, the nervousness of worrying about making mistakes, and the shyness of not daring to ask others. In the end, it became a A sensitive little snail. If you think your child is harmfulAshamed, please try to accept her/him. Shy children tend to have greater intrapersonal intelligence, helping them explore their inner and outer world more deeply. Shyness itself does not hinder a child\’s growth. However, if a child\’s shyness has affected their normal life and caused them to stay in their own little world for a long time, then we need to give them some appropriate help. Allow them to enhance their interpersonal intelligence while being themselves. In the process of helping this little girl, as a teacher, I used several methods. First, use catching games to get closer to the child; second, channel and accept the child\’s emotions so that she can let go of her inner vigilance; third, give her the opportunity to show herself to everyone and bring her closer to her classmates. distance; fourth, encourage her to step out of her comfort zone and actively communicate with others. Another very important point is to actively demonstrate the attitude of \”it\’s not shameful not to know\”. So how can parents help overly sensitive and shy children at home? First of all, give your children a relaxed environment and let them know that making mistakes is human nature. Second, help children understand their own emotions. Nowadays, you can find a variety of emotional picture books on the picture book market. Many emotional picture books are beautifully produced and their content conforms to psychological standards, making them suitable for parent-child reading. Third, play imaginary doll games with your children. You can take out the children\’s various dolls and design various scenes for them, so that one doll expresses shyness and the other doll encourages it to try. Fourth, the doll game is upgraded to a real person game. Parents and children perform the dual roles of shyness and encouragement in person. Parents act shy and let their children encourage them. Let children experience their own power. Fifth, demonstrate. Parents need to set a good example for their children. Demonstrate basic social skills to your children in daily life. Sixth, encourage children to socialize. Pay attention to your child\’s interests, hobbies and specialties, and find corresponding club activities for your child. Children tend to become more confident when doing things they enjoy and are good at. Seventh, arrange one-on-one social opportunities for children. Children tend to become more confident when facing someone, especially someone who is slightly weaker than themselves. The shy little girl mentioned above has now begun to take the initiative to interact with others. And the person she chose was a child who was younger than herself. Eighth, never label your child as \”timid\”. Any humiliating label, especially from a parent, will leave a lasting scar on a child\’s heart. Ninth, don’t force your children to do things they don’t want to do in order to train them to be “brave”, such as reciting poetry to guests. You can make an appointment with your child in advance, or even use dolls to perform it, so that your child can feel their emotional changes in advance and learn to control their emotions. On this basis, encourage children to bravely step out of their comfort zones. There is no need to worry about having a shy child, complete acceptance is the best way. But when excessive shyness affects your child\’s social ability, please try the nine points above. I believe it will definitely help your child.