Have you ever thought that your child\’s slowness could also be a form of aggression?

The youngest son of a friend of mine had just entered elementary school. When he was doing homework, he procrastinated, dawdled, and yelled for a long time before he was willing to do it. When his mother saw it, she became very anxious and kept accusing him: \”Other children have finished writing a long time ago, but you have to grind for a long time before you are willing to write.\” After hearing this, he did not refute, but just put off even more. I went to write it, or it took me a long time to write a question. Not only does he do his homework, he also eats and bathes slowly. The harder he pushes, the slower he becomes. Later, his father told his mother that he knew it and would arrange it himself. Don\’t keep blaming him. The more you talk to him, the less willing he is to do it. When I was a kid, every time I wanted to do my homework, my mother would push me hard and I wouldn\’t want to do it anymore. Although the child does not appear to be dissatisfied on the surface, he is resentful of his mother\’s accusation. It\’s just that he doesn\’t dare to show it directly, so he will be slow and uncooperative. In psychology, there is a psychological mechanism called \”passive aggression\”, which is a negative behavioral mechanism that is superficially indifferent but indirectly expresses hostility. When one party is obviously too strong and aggressive, and the weaker party is attacked, they will develop their own unique way of fighting back because they cannot directly express their anger. It\’s like a grumpy mother urging her child to do homework in an unfriendly tone. The child says yes, but refuses to do it despite procrastination, which finally makes the mother furious. One of the characteristics of passive aggression is that in order to avoid direct impulse, the weak party usually expresses dissatisfaction in an evasive way. Although the weak side seems to be submissive and well-behaved, they will always make some inexplicable mistakes to achieve the effect of counterattacking the strong side. They will not take the initiative to express their anger, but they will not cooperate with each other or cooperate with each other. The most terrifying passive aggression a child can do to his or her parents is to seemingly innocently do things that their parents least want them to do, and become the person their parents least want them to be. The most common examples are that children of doctors are often sick, and children of teachers are often sick. He is a scumbag, a policeman\’s child becomes a thief. And in families with siblings, the eldest son is the one most likely to be passive-aggressive, said Dr. Lorna Benjamin of the Neuropsychological Research Association of the University of Utah. He said that when younger siblings are born, the older child is suddenly expected to take on more responsibilities than he or she is capable of. Because they dare not go against their parents\’ wishes, they may resent their parents\’ demands after a period of time. This kind of hateful coexistence is the core of passive aggression, and this passive aggressive mode will affect his interpersonal interactions as an adult. Strong parents like to arrange various things for their children, but growing children have their own ideas and arrangements and hate being scolded by their parents at every turn. They may want to do their homework immediately after watching the popular cartoon, or they may want to take a shower before going to bed instead of immediately after eating. Parents\’ accusations will only make them feel more aggrieved and dissatisfied. Children, like adults,Everyone wants to have their own independent space, and they also want their small choices to be respected. When their own space is violated and some of their choices are not recognized, they will also cry out to resist. Passive aggression is a way for them to resist. It is also a way for children to express, I hate your strength. Let go appropriately and let the children make their own plans while we take a back seat to guide. There is no need to force children to do things according to our habits, they have their own choices and decisions. Blindly trying to control the child\’s rhythm will not only make the child feel suffocated, but also easily dampen the child\’s passion and extinguish the child\’s interest. To give children an independent space, no matter how close they are, they need a little distance. After all, distance creates beauty.