Her son is addicted to the Internet. This mother does the opposite: I never stop my child from playing games because I have figured out these things…

Elon Musk once said: The mobile phone has become an organ of the human body. I saw a piece of news on the Internet: Shanghai Children’s Hospital has established a separate Internet addiction clinic. Many parents bring their children to see them for depression, anxiety, and more serious children with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. Among these children, the phenomenon of excessive addiction and use of electronic products is very obvious. According to the 52nd \”Statistical Report on China\’s Internet Development\” released by the China Internet Network Information Center, as of June 2023, the number of Internet users in my country has reached 1.079 billion, an increase of 11.09 million from December 2022, and the Internet penetration rate has reached 76.4 %. The problem of children\’s Internet access is precisely the most troublesome issue for today\’s families, and it is also the issue most likely to cause conflicts between parents and children. Children are addicted to the Internet, maybe because their energy is too low. I saw a real case in the book \”Learning and Treatment Handbook\”: the parent of a senior high school candidate asked for help and asked a doctor to help her son. The child\’s name is Haoran, a senior student at a key high school branch in Haidian District. He will take the college entrance examination the following summer, but he has been suspended from school for several months. Haoran\’s mother said that her child\’s grades had been consistently among the top three in his grade during his sophomore year of high school. After entering his senior year of high school, he also ranked first in his grade in the first major exam. After the results came out, the teachers all expressed their recognition and expectations for Haoran. However, after this exam, parents noticed some subtle changes in Haoran. At first, Haoran would suddenly call home on the way to school to say he was not feeling well, and then ride home. Later, he asked for more and more leave. His parents were worried that there was something wrong with his health, so they took him to the hospital for a checkup, but found nothing unusual. After a while, Haoran simply \”notified\” his parents before he even went out, saying: \”I\’m not feeling well today, so I won\’t go to school.\” Haoran\’s state made his parents anxious, and problems frequently occurred in the parent-child relationship, and quarrels occurred from time to time. . Moreover, Haoran\’s mental state was not very good when he took leave at home. At first, he played games or went out for exercise on his bicycle. Later, he basically didn\’t go out and stayed at home in a daze, and even suffered from insomnia. One day Haoran said to his mother, \”I\’m going to play e-sports.\” He even made plans for it and started \”training\” on his own at home, but within a few days he returned to his previous sluggish self. This situation of being sometimes uplifted and sometimes depressed occurred repeatedly, forcing Haoran\’s parents to seek help from psychiatrists and psychological counselors. Psychological expert analysis: Academic studies and external expectations put tremendous pressure on Haoran, causing him to activate the \”avoidance\” defense mechanism, which was specifically manifested as being tired of studying. In fact, Haoran was not willing to indulge in the short-term sense of security and comfort brought by avoidance. He began to explore his career. In fact, this was a manifestation of his high achievement motivation. In essence, he was seeking the meaning of learning. And when this kind of exploration reaches an impasse, there will be a sense of meaninglessness, which will undermine his motivation for achievement. This repeats, forming a vicious cycle. Everyone’s psychology is an energy field, positive, sunny, optimistic and open-minded.Bring positive energy; pessimism, despair, anxiety, fear, bring negative energy. The same is true for children. When their energy is low, their physical state will also be very low, as will their inner state and consciousness. At this time, it is more likely to \”escape\” and become addicted to the Internet. Children are addicted to the Internet, perhaps not because they lack self-discipline, but because they care too much that they become anxious and confused, and finally choose to avoid venting in the online world. Ding Siyuan, a psychological counselor with a critical voice in her mind, once shared an experience of her own: There was a time when she was also addicted to mobile games. She was so addicted that she didn’t want to do anything every day. She started playing games when she got up in the morning and stayed awake at night. It\’s so bad that I just go to sleep. During that time, all her work was put on hold. She didn\’t even want to take a shower, and she had no intention of eating. Her whole life seemed to be at a standstill. Her mind was full of games. She wanted to stop, but couldn\’t. When she realized that she was addicted to games, she was very surprised. When she was a child, her family had an Internet cafe. When she was in elementary school, she hung out in the Internet cafe and played games in teams with people who came online. At that time, she had no restrictions on playing games and could play whenever she wanted. Other parents prevent their children from playing games or going to the game arcade. But when her family passes by the game arcade, her parents will ask if she wants to go in and play. She has been exposed to games since she was a child and has played various games, but she has never been addicted to them, nor has she delayed her studies or life because of video games. So she began to think: Why is she still stuck in it now? She discovered a decisive factor in herself – criticism. After playing the game for three consecutive days, a critical voice appeared in her mind. This voice kept telling her: You shouldn\’t waste time like this, you should stop, you should have more important things and more meaningful things. There is no value at all in doing things and playing games. Time is wasted and wasted… This critical voice tried to make her stop, but this only made people not have enough fun and made them feel bad and doing bad things. Outside of things, there is no effective effect. On the contrary, it makes people stay in the game longer. She discovered that playing games was to relieve stress and gain happiness. And the voice of criticism prevents people from fully enjoying entertainment. People are playing, but their minds are fighting, and the fighting in their minds has become new pressure. This pressure requires more game time to relieve, and it continues in a vicious cycle. We will find that in life we ​​unconsciously accept a lot of information. When we open every game, the first thing we see is the anti-addiction system. Our mobile phones also have anti-addiction settings. Many apps also have usage time reminders, and various This kind of information tells us: entertainment time must be limited, and it is not good to spend time on games, entertainment, and relaxation. This rule keeps appearing, as if it is brainwashing us. A person does not allow himself to play the game well, which actually makes people more addicted to playing the game. How to solve the conflict between parent-child relationship and Internet use. Games and the Internet are not scourges. Children use the Internet excessively, do not go out, and do not go to school to study. This is not a problem for the child alone. As a parent, IWhat we need to pay attention to is the relationship around the child, especially the relationship between the child and his parents. 1. Give autonomy to children. The son of a psychological counselor also liked to play games very much when he was in the fourth or fifth grade, and she was also anxious about this. Suddenly one day she figured out something: Why don\’t I trust my son? Parents place a lot of expectations on their children, and the boundaries between parents and children are not clear, so children\’s studies affect parents so much. As the child grows older, he himself becomes more disgusted, and the parents become tired. She said: The core of the problem is not whether the child can get the ideal admission result, but that the parents need to deal with their own frustrations. When I realized this, I took the initiative to cut off the connection with my son – his learning belongs to him. Once, my son scored more than 70 points in a test and asked her to sign her autograph. She said while signing: \”Mom will never be angry again. No matter how bad you do in the exam, she won\’t be angry.\” The son took the exam paper away with a swipe and said, \”If you don\’t get angry, I will get angry!\” The result of learning to let go Yes, my son was successfully admitted to the junior high school of his choice. During the three years of junior high school, his academic performance improved rapidly, from being ranked among the top 100 students in his grade to being ranked among the top three. She said: Parents letting go will not delay their children from becoming academic leaders. 2. Fixed outdoor time. A mother shared her and her husband’s experience of hiking with their children: She said: Since smart devices invaded our lives, absent-minded fake “accompaniment” has become a common occurrence in our family. The focused \”togetherness\” of a family hike in the mountains once a week is extremely precious to children, and I believe it is also true for adults who have been busy at work for a week. Hiking routes are usually only planned in general and not in detail. Therefore, in the process of road exploration, our relationship has changed from the relationship between parents and children to a partnership of mutual companionship and encouragement. Everyone\’s value is maximized. Hiking places are usually in the mountains, and there is no signal, so mobile phones are basically useless. All we can do is stay together, focus on exploring and chatting. At first, my son was still thinking about playing games, while my husband habitually dealt with work, but later gave up. Because of outdoor hiking, the family can put their minds in one place: everyone is focused on moving forward full of unknowns, taking care of each other, sensing whether the other person\’s physical strength can keep up, whether they should take care of each other\’s rhythm, etc. Do each other need to reach out and give each other a hand, or give each other a strong and stable support in dangerous situations? Watching birds, picking mushrooms, looking at flowers, collecting pine cones, watching fish, watching ducks, observing the changes from tadpoles to frogs, feeling the vegetation characteristics of wetlands, observing insects, collecting plant specimens, autumn leaf battles… all will slowly make children happy. Falling in love, the expansion of the distance and scope of hiking allows them to discover more surprises, which are many more surprises than those brought by the Internet. 3. Accept, encourage, and accompany. There is a passage online that says: I always thought I was the strongest, but the moment someone understood me, I felt like I was going to be broken. It\’s like someone is holding a lantern to illuminate you in a dark corner. I can only be myself in front of people I know well. Express yourself in front of a small group of friends. But the moment someone really understands my brokenness, I will cry. Remember the previous paragraphAround the same time, I received a call from my daughter’s teacher. The teacher said that my daughter was in a very bad state recently and was always late in handing in homework and completing academic tasks. I had long been aware of this situation. I found that her room was always messy, and she spent most of her time on the Internet reading novels and playing games when she came home on weekends, but I never said anything. When I picked her up from school last week, she asked me if the teacher had called me. I said, \”Yes.\” My daughter said, \”Don\’t you have anything to say?\” I said to her, \”Who There will be times when things are bad, it’s okay, just adjust slowly.” Unexpectedly, she couldn’t stop crying. I think the situation at this moment is as mentioned before. When encountering setbacks, what children need is an adult who accepts them and can empathize with them, rather than being immediately pressed for explanations. What children need is acceptance from their parents. When children feel understood and their emotions are recognized, many things will naturally be resolved. No child suddenly becomes addicted to the Internet. There must be a process. Parents are aware of it and try to understand and accompany their children. Many things are not as bad as imagined.