Here are three tips for children who love to talk back. Parents must pay attention to them

In the past two days, my best friend has been tortured crazy by her son: \”Go wash your face and brush your teeth quickly, it\’s bedtime.\” \”I won\’t go, what\’s wrong with being a few minutes late!\” \”Don\’t lie down to do your homework, it\’s easy for me to become short-sighted.\” I\’m just short-sighted. I\’ll need glasses at worst!\” \”I did so poorly on the exam, can I be more serious?\” \”How do you know I\’m not serious? You take the exam for me!\” Whatever my best friend says, my son will do the opposite. , so angry that she wanted to slap him. I read a survey: What behavior do you hate most about your children? More than 70% of parents answered: Talk back. Children like to talk back, which is something almost every parent cannot escape. Parents subconsciously feel that their children are challenging authority and are ignorant and need to be treated! It may seem unreasonable for a child to talk back, but it is never advisable to respond to violence with violence. On the contrary, it shows that you have successfully raised your child. There are some things he wants to convey to you through talking back. Children like to talk back, which is actually releasing these three signals – talking back means that the child is actively making judgments. When I was consulting, I heard a story about a boy. Tongtong, a 12-year-old boy, was called to his parents by his teacher because he had a dispute with someone at school. Dad came to school and without saying a word, he slapped Tongtong twice. Tongtong cried and screamed: \”They bullied me first, why can\’t they fight back?\” Unexpectedly, his father hit him harder: \”You have a reason to hit people? I asked you to talk back!\” In fact, the angry father did not listen. Understand the child\’s words. The so-called talking back is nothing more than a deliberate label given to children by parents whose authority has been challenged. In Tongtong\’s logic, he believed that it was wrong to hit others and that he should protect himself. However, his judgment was not recognized and his need for care was not met. According to developmental psychology, there are three periods of high incidence of backtalk in children: 2 to 3 years old, when the child\’s sense of autonomy has just sprouted, and he will express his attitude through some refusal actions or saying \”no\”. From 7 to 9 years old, children transition from childhood to adolescence, and their rebellious psychology becomes stronger. Picky eaters, aversion to learning, and talking back become the norm. Between the ages of 12 and 18, children enter adolescence, their awareness of independence strengthens, and they frequently challenge their parents’ authority, evolving from talking back to scolding. No matter what period it appears to be talking back, in essence, the child is still pursuing independence. However, it is a good thing that children have their own judgments and thoughts. 199 Yuan: The mother of a beautiful Peking University academic master: How to cultivate students\’ learning ability. But parents like to use authority, \”talking back is not a good child\” and \”hitting you if you talk back\”, denying their children across the board. There is a saying in \”Holistic Parenting\”: \”Parents must not put themselves on the opposite side of their children, but should stand on the same line with their children and face the issues that need to be solved together.\” Therefore, when children talk back, parents should Pay attention to restraining emotions and allowing children to express their feelings. On the one hand, this is a good time to train children to think independently, instead of being unreasonable in the eyes of parents; on the other hand, showing respect and understanding to children can also enhance children\’s self-confidence and become more and more independent. Talking back is a way for children to maintain their self-esteem. Educator Suhomlinsky said: When affecting a child\’s inner world, one should not dampen the most sensitive corner of the soul – self-esteem. When children feel that their self-esteem has been offended, they will talk back to protect their self-esteem. Get my best friend’s sonHe said that when his mother said that he did poorly in the exam, he immediately refuted it. In the child\’s mind, this means that the mother is saying: You are not good enough, you are not as good as others. Many things adults say to children, even if they are true, can make children feel hurt. One time, her daughter\’s room was in a mess, but she sat next to it and played. The father helped her clean up and joked: \”How can a girl who loves to be clean make such a mess?\” The daughter immediately retorted: \”I just like mess, who wants you to clean up?\” Later, when chatting with her daughter, she said aggrievedly, I usually love to be clean, but I was busy with crafts all afternoon that day and was very tired from playing. Dad can say that the room is messy, but he should not accuse her of \”not being clean\”. This is inconsistent with her personality. Therefore, if parents treat things inappropriately but not others, it is completely acceptable to their children; however, if parents treat things inappropriately and others inappropriately, the children\’s self-esteem will be frustrated and they will naturally talk back. It can be seen that it is not a bad thing for children to talk back. Not only can you maintain your self-esteem, but you can also express why you are sad or angry. The son of Fu Seoul, the champion debater in \”Qi Pa Shuo\”, is known as \”the little master at beating up his mother\”. \”Can mommy give you a beautiful sister?\” \”How do you know it will be a sister?\” \”That\’s not necessarily the case.\” \”How do you know she will be beautiful?\” \”That\’s not necessarily the case.\” His son loves to talk back, Fu said. But Seoul felt that the logic was very strong: I allowed him to talk back and hoped that he would express his feelings and say what was on his mind, so that he would get surprises. There is an authoritative study from the University of Virginia in the United States, which concluded that children who talk back are better at expressing and regulating emotions, and are less likely to be depressed. In the process of talking back, the children expressed their thoughts, relieved their emotions, maintained their self-esteem, and established communication with their parents. This is why encouraging children to talk back often leads to better parenting! Talking back may be a child\’s distress signal. Some children have a cheerful personality and express their dissatisfaction directly through talking back. There are also some children who are not good at expressing themselves. They talk back, often asking for help. After my cousin gave birth to her second child last year, she noticed that Dabao became a little weird. My son, who used to be cheerful and obedient, is now withdrawn and talks back whenever I say something. When I asked him to do his homework, he said, \”You don\’t check, so don\’t care what I do.\” When I reminded him to put on more clothes, he said, \”A few old clothes are useless even if you wear them.\” My cousin was very confused and came to me for consultation. After listening to the whole story, I instantly understood the reason for Dabao\’s change. \”Dabao is sending you a distress signal.\” There was no second treasure before, and all my cousin\’s energy was focused on her son. Check homework, buy new clothes regularly, go to the amusement park together… Nowadays, let alone play together, when the second baby cries, the eldest baby eats the food alone. He seemed to be saying something sarcastic and pushing his mother away. In fact, by talking back, he was telling her: Please look at me! No one checks my homework or buys me new clothes! Children\’s feelings about their parents\’ love are very delicate. However, because they are often taught to be \”obedient\” and \”sensible\”, children can only hide their pain in their hearts. There are no children who don\’t want to be favored, there are only parents who know nothing about preference. There is a concept in psychology called the over-limit effect, which refers to a psychological phenomenon that causes extreme psychological impatience or resistance due to excessive stimulation, too strong stimulation, and too long an action time. When a child is neglected for a long time, if no one cares about him, he will ask for help by talking back. Domestic and foreign studies agree that the parent-child relationship has an indirect impact on learning and personality by affecting children\’s emotions and behaviors. To solve their behavioral problems, we must pay attention to the transformation of the family\’s psychological environment and the improvement of parent-child relationships. Children\’s distress signals may be subtle, and parents must learn to identify their children\’s true needs. Don’t wait until your child becomes withdrawn and depressed to realize your absence! Education expert Lan Hai said: \”Children love to talk back. Firstly, it means that your family is open and democratic, and the children can talk when they have something to say. Secondly, it means that your children have very strong independent thinking ability.\” When children talk back, parents Don\’t rush to beat or scold: first, you must restrain your emotions and express understanding and tolerance to your children; second, you must learn to give in proactively and let your children vent their unhappiness; third, you must refuse to blame, learn to ask questions effectively, and understand real needs. Say more \”why are you like this\” instead of \”you can\’t do this\”; say more \”what do you need me to do\” instead of \”you must do what I say\”; like parents, children also love their parents very much. When their judgments and ideas are valued, they will not express their needs through talking back. Allowing children to talk back is the greatest wisdom as a parent!