Horrified, my son is actually reading adult comics

A few days ago, I attended a psychology training in Wuhan. One day, a friend sent a message saying that he found that his child was reading adult comics. The child not only read the comics himself, but also shared the comics with several friends through WeChat. My Zaizai was also one of the friends who was shared. , let me pay attention. At that time, I was concentrating on the course and didn’t think deeply at all. In addition, I thought I knew Zai Zai’s Internet situation better. He only had a limited time to use his IPAD. Every time he looked at it, he was under the eyes of me and Zai’s father. My father and I both knew what we were reading. In my memory, I didn’t find him reading adult comics online, so I didn’t pay too much attention and just casually learned about the situation. On the day when the course ended, on the way to the airport, I suddenly remembered this incident, and various questions couldn\’t help but arise: What kind of comics did the children share? If they were classified as adult comics, what was the content scale of the comics? If the children communicated with each other, what was the content of the children\’s communication? How much influence did Zai Zai suffer? ! The more I thought about it, the more anxious I became, and the more anxious I became, the less calm I became. I couldn’t help but pick up my phone and planned to send a message to Zai Zai’s dad, asking him to immediately check the Internet records of Zai Zai’s IPAD to see what content he had watched. After thinking about it, I still held back. I understood that behind the worry and anxiety was my own inner panic. This includes not only my distrust of Zai Zai, but also my anxiety about losing control of the situation and my self-blame for not understanding Zai Zai\’s growth situation. I couldn\’t help but take a few deep breaths and told myself: Calm down, trust the child, and don\’t make random judgments or make random doubts until the matter is clear. Because my random thoughts will not help solve the problem: if Zai Zai has not read adult comics, my nervousness will only make him change from not caring to being curious and caring, but it will awaken his sexual consciousness in advance. If Zai Zai has really seen it and is curious, then my anxiety and nervousness will only further arouse his desire to explore. I told myself that no matter what happens, it is normal and they are all problems that children will encounter when they grow up. What I have to do is to face it positively, work hard to eliminate the negative effects, and provide correct guidance and communication. When I think about it, I feel relieved. When I got home at night, Zai Zai was already asleep. I told my father the whole story in detail, and he said very calmly: \”Are you overthinking it? When did you see your son read comics? Don\’t you know what he does at home every day?\” Having said that, we decided to get to the bottom of things. I took out Zai Zai’s IPAD and checked it in detail, and finally found the problem in the public account he followed. There were only a few public accounts that Zai Zai followed originally. I don’t know when it started, but there were a few more public accounts for comics. What makes me happy is that judging from the reading records, Zaizai has basically never clicked on or read the content recommended by these comic accounts. But when I clicked on the contents of these comic public accounts, I couldn\’t help but break out in a cold sweat! The scale of the content of these comics is indeed a bit scary, and the titles are not too overwhelming, but the content inside also makes people think a lot. I randomly took a few pictures to show you such comics.Paintings are evocative for adults, but for children who do not have immunity, they will indeed have a negative impact. The key is that these comics all use seemingly innocuous names such as \”shoujo comics\” and \”enjoy comics\”. If you don’t click in carefully to check the content, it’s easy to be fooled by this seemingly harmless name. Only then did I recall the time when Zaizai paid attention to this kind of comics. It was during the winter vacation. For a few days, Zai Zai and his friends were drawing comics at home every day. At that time, I praised them for being very discerning. They chose comic characters with beautiful names and nice names. Zai Zai even chose one as his avatar. . Because friends recommended each other, and several friends are very familiar with it, they never paid attention to it when they played together. I simply believed that the content shared by my peers would not be a big problem, so I did not deliberately pay attention to the content of the comics they shared. It turned out that there were also various dangers behind the good-looking, beautiful, and harmless content they shared. It turned out that in the end, The overlooked piece hides the biggest problem. The only thing that makes me happy is that although Zai Zai has paid attention to it, he has not clicked in to read it. He has not expressed curiosity about these issues in daily life, which shows that his sexual consciousness has not been awakened in advance. This incident also made me realize that we need to pay attention to the growth of our children. I have always felt that Zaizai is still young and there is still a certain amount of time before he enters puberty, but this incident made me realize that it is very necessary to face the child\’s growth stage and give the child the nutrients he needs for growth in a timely manner. It is always better to prevent problems when they are exposed in advance than to remedy them when they become serious. But, how to face and remedy it? After careful consideration, I decided to start from the following aspects: First, strengthen the monitoring of Zaizai when he is surfing the Internet. In this day and age, it is completely impossible to keep your children off the internet. Our lives are increasingly dependent on the Internet. To survive in online life, our children also need to obtain useful information from the Internet. We cannot let our children live in a vacuum. Allowing them free time online is necessary for their growth. But allowing children to access the Internet does not mean leaving it alone. Allowing a child to be immersed in the Internet alone is like leaving a child alone in a bustling crowd, letting him face the entire world of information alone. Without protection, the child is more likely to be adversely affected and deceived. It will increase greatly, which is a very dangerous thing. Therefore, it is necessary to allow Zai Zai to go online while ensuring safety, and to know in a timely manner what he is doing online, his Internet browsing history, and who he is chatting with online and what he is talking about. I also remembered the online games that Zaizai and the others played. Sometimes they would enter strange rooms and talk to various strangers. In this regard, we should also pay appropriate attention to the content of his chats with strangers. We need to tell him the safety precautions on the Internet and let him know that he cannot disclose his name, age, address, school class and other private information to others at will on the Internet. If someone asks for family information or requests to meet, he must tell us. Second, maintain smooth parent-child communication and understand the child’s development needs. Children are growing every day. At every age, children have needs for sexual cognition and exploration., according to the growth and psychological development of children, the correct information should be instilled in them through positive means in a timely manner. When children know in their hearts what the right approach is, they will not be influenced by wrong thoughts. The content that we need to master is too subtle. It cannot awaken the child in advance and disrupt the child\’s normal sexual and psychological development trajectory. It cannot exceed the child\’s speed of seeking knowledge, violate the child\’s cognitive development rules, and cannot lag behind the child\’s sexual development. A mother of a boy once shared with me that one day she suddenly discovered that her child knew a lot about sex, and even explained clearly what sperm and eggs were. Before this, the mother always thought that the child did not understand anything. After listening to the child\’s talk, she realized that her parent-child communication was far behind. To achieve an accurate grasp, it is necessary to maintain smooth parent-child communication with the child, understand the child\’s development stage, and understand the child\’s needs. Only in this way can we give him the knowledge he needs in a timely and accurate manner. For me, my dad and I need to strengthen communication with Zai Zai, know what he cares about, and understand his growth stage. Because Zai Zai is older, many issues require his father to be more involved. He should start from a male perspective and share with Zai Zai the mysteries of a boy\’s growth. As children grow up, mothers and fathers need to divide their labor. When a child is young, such as before 4 years old, many questions can be answered by the mother. But as the children grow up day by day, they will differentiate. The problems of boys need to be guided by the father, while the problems of girls need to be correctly guided by the mother. In particular, girls mature earlier than boys. After a girl reaches the age of 10, the mother must be fully prepared mentally and behaviorally, and teach her the correct knowledge in a timely manner based on her daughter\’s topics and her responses. For example, when your daughter mentions menstruation to her mother, you can tell her what menstruation is based on her reaction. You can tell her: \”In a few years, you will also have your first menstruation. Your vagina will bleed for a few days every month, which is menstruation. Having menstruation means that you have begun to grow up and your body will I\’m ready to have a baby.\” If your daughter starts to look around impatiently and seems distracted, the conversation can end there. If your daughter still seems interested in listening, you can continue: \”After your body becomes fertile, if you have genital contact with a boy and he inserts his penis into your vagina and releases sperm, the sperm will meet Eggs in your body, in that way, your baby will slowly grow up in your body.\” The same goes for boys. Some boys develop early, some develop late, some will nag and ask questions, and some will However, some children will become silent and refuse to speak because the information is too complicated or they feel embarrassed. No matter what the child\’s performance is, parents must remain calm and maintain smooth communication with their children. If the children are interested, communicate with each other. If the children are absent-minded, they must stop in time. As parents, we need to let our children know that we welcome them to come to us for consultation and discuss any issues related to their body and sexuality at any time. This knowledge may be an important discovery for the child. He may be shocked and feel thatIncredible. No matter how the child behaves, be tolerant and give the child time to digest, but insist on correct guidance. This matter must be done by the parents themselves and cannot be done by others. Many parents place their hope in schools and hope that teachers can provide sex education to their children. To be honest, I really don’t think the teacher is a suitable candidate. There are specialties in the field, and many schools do not pay attention to students’ sex education. The teachers who teach children’s physical hygiene also randomly assign a teacher to the children. If teachers themselves have not received professional education, have not let go of their sexual shame, and do not know how to deal with children\’s various problems, how can they communicate with children freely? In the meantime, there is another key issue, which is that the sexual development of each child is different. Children\’s sexual development is not as rigid as textbooks. Among children in the same class and grade, some have advanced sexual development and some have lagged behind. Some of the little girls in the third grade have already begun to think about what menstruation is and how to contact sexual organs, while others still don’t understand anything. These children with obvious differences have different needs for sex education. In addition to individual differences in children, sex education must also take into account differences in families. Some families are conservative and some are open-minded. Each family has different ways of communicating about issues and cannot be generalized. Every family is required to follow a unified model and approach. method to work. Therefore, the most suitable person to provide sex education to children is every parent. A good parent-child relationship is the key to smooth communication with children. Provide timely and correct education based on the child\’s growth and needs. When the child knows what the right approach is, those wrong thoughts will not affect them. Third, understand the topics he communicates with his friends. Starting from the age of 4, a child will have the need to make friends. As he grows up day by day, the importance of friends in the child\’s mind becomes larger and larger, and in many cases, even exceeds the importance of his parents. It is very important to understand the topics that children communicate with their friends. Only by knowing what is popular in your child\’s circle of friends can you understand whether the topics your child communicates with are harmless. Children all like to show off what they have. In a class, as long as there is one child who knows something new and interesting, he can set the whole class ablaze. And when the whole class is popular, if there is a child who doesn\’t know anything, that child may become an isolated party and lose his friends. In order to prevent children from being abandoned by their friends and to see safe and harmless content, timely supervision by parents is very important. Some time ago, Zaizai came home one day and told me that all his classmates were watching Douyin, and the topics they talked about after class were all on Douyin. He didn’t know what everyone was talking about, and he felt very lost. So I installed Douyin for him, but filtered the content he saw, mainly asking him to pay attention to pets and funny and harmless content. Every time my father or I would watch it with him, so that he could not only see the content he wanted to see, but also have topics for communication with his classmates, while also being protected from the harm of bad information. I would also like to remind everyone to pay attention to the topic of communication between children. Children spend 8 hours a day studyingThe topics they communicate with each other are far beyond our imagination. (And don’t think that this kind of communication starts in elementary school. In fact, the communication between children today in kindergarten may have exceeded your imagination.) They not only discuss study, life, and toys, but also discuss sexual knowledge. Also able to communicate. In a class, there are always children with advanced sexual development and children with delayed development. Those children with advanced sexual development may become \”sex\” experts around other children. This child will answer all questions about sex. The scary thing is that no matter what this little \”expert\” says, even if what he says is particularly ridiculous, the children will believe it. Because after entering elementary school, children trust their friends and communicate with children far more than they trust and communicate with their parents and teachers. The answer of this little expert may be found by him through his own research, or he may get it from communication with people around him. Of course, it may be more likely that he knows it through the Internet. It doesn\’t matter if the children learn correct popular science knowledge through the Internet. The most frightening thing is that children get wrong knowledge through the Internet. These wrong contents include not only various pornographic contents, but also wrong views. For example, once-popular content such as minors tipping anchors, girls aged 14 or 15 becoming unmarried mothers, and 8-year-old girls falling in love with 20-year-old singers will all wrongly influence children. Therefore, it is necessary to understand the topics of communication between children in a timely manner so that correct knowledge can be taught to children in a timely manner. Fourth, communicate with your children sincerely like a friend. As children get older and have a stronger sense of autonomy, if you ask them to put down their favorite things and talk to them in a serious and serious manner, they will easily resist or choose to avoid talking. Therefore, parent-child communication should be done at the right time and under the right circumstances when the child is willing to communicate, patiently and continuously explain in a scientific manner, communicate sincerely with the child like a friend, respect the child\’s feelings, tolerate the child\’s ignorance, and the child Only then will the correct information channels be slowly opened. During the conversation, continue to deepen the content, so that the children can gradually understand the correct knowledge and understand the correct practices, and let the children understand that doing so is responsible for their own lives. When a child knows to cherish herself and take responsibility for her own life, she will make more positive choices. Children are constantly growing, and parents have different tasks at each stage. This incident taught me a profound lesson, and it also made me realize more clearly that I cannot slack off at all when it comes to the growth of my children.