How can an introverted child play well with his friends? Pay special attention to these two points

Ever since I started working as a public account, I have been constantly asked about “introverted, slow-warming, and sensitive” children. \”My child is going to kindergarten, but he is very introverted. Can he play with other children?\” \”My child is very slow-tempered and I am afraid that he will be bullied by others. What should I do?\” Well, if it is a matter of raising a child, The heart is 100 points, and the mother who is introverted, sensitive and slow-warming probably has to worry about 120 points of heart. This extra part is all caused by the child\’s introversion. I will use a short story from my own experience to explain how an introverted child can find his most comfortable position in the world. I argued with the leader because of an introverted child. After entering kindergarten, the first time I had an argument with the leader was because of an introverted child. That day, an introverted child, feeling a little at a loss, stood in a corner of the garden and slowly watched other children playing. The leader said to me: \”Have you seen Candy? Help her integrate into the group.\” I agreed and used all the methods I could think of. (The following methods can also be used with ordinary children to promote their social integration.) I observed those children gathering together to play house, so I helped Candy make imitation spaghetti with a few branches and brought Candy to everyone. Send it over and teach Candy to say: \”I made pasta, do you want to try it?\” This kind of introduction. This type of introduction is generally very effective. Many children will naturally play together as soon as they hear this. But Candy has an introverted personality. On the one hand, she is not willing to express herself, and on the other hand, she is not very expressive. The children looked up and saw Candy standing aside in embarrassment, ignoring her. The leader looked at me and said, \”Let\’s try another method.\” I tried other methods, but they didn\’t work very well. At this time, I looked back and saw that something was wrong, Candy\’s facial expression! It was a feeling of clumsiness and an inferiority complex about being unable to do something that she was extremely bad at. Her face was cautious and shy. She looked terribly sad. Stop! I will never let my introverted child blend in so well with others again. I calmly said to the leader: \”Leave it to me to handle it.\” I took Candy away from the scene so that she would no longer feel the shame of not being able to fit in and being ignored by her friends. Then I asked the teacher in Candy’s class what Candy’s favorite thing to do is. The teacher replied: \”It\’s time to cut the paper and put clothes on the doll!\” It was the same as I guessed. Introverted children like Candy exert their energy most smoothly when they are alone. This is what she does best, so don\’t force her to socialize. I brought her paper cuttings and helped her find a shady spot. Her facial expression relaxed and she found her own unique rhythm. Then, I found Candy’s primary teacher, and some of the mysteries about introverted children were revealed. Me: \”Does Candy have any friends?\” Teacher: \”Yes! Amy, Sally, etc., just two or three, not many, but very stable. It just happened that today, none of her good friends came, so she She\’s single. She\’s slow to make friends, but she likes everyone and rarely makes friends.Conflicts arise, and the flow of water is slow and steady. When she is with her friends, she will also have a very high time. She has never been so embarrassed like today. \”So, introverted children have their own unique social graph, and the quality is no worse than that of ordinary children. Introverted children will have their own very stable circle of friends that they can play with together. This high-quality interpersonal relationship of one-on-one intensive communication makes them Introverted children are not as lonely, ostracized, etc. as you worry about. After this incident, I found the leader: \”As for the socialization of introverted children, I think it is wrong to be too pushy. I understand that you have good intentions and want Candy to come out of loneliness. But have you seen the results in action? Candy\’s face of shame and feeling of powerlessness is a psychological storm for a child. \”I think the key for an introverted child is to find the most comfortable posture for her to live in the world, like a stretched bamboo branch.\” Instead of treating it as an ornamental bamboo, pruning it in the direction we want. \”Does the lucky bamboo that wants east and west really want our children to grow up? \”Introverted children often like to be immersed in creative activities alone, so I helped her get the most beautiful bamboo. Cut paper if you like, and then read to her. \”The pushy attitude of rushing introverted children to make friends is the most harmful.\” \”Please forgive me for not following your instructions, because I think this is the best way for introverted children.\” We can encourage him to make friends, but it’s better if he can make friends, or if he can’t make friends. For introverted children who are slow to warm up, they must stop being anxious about their interpersonal relationships. Otherwise, our anxiety will be passed on to the child, and he will form a more negative cognition: \”Oh, I turned out to be a child who is not good at making friends.\” This label will be very bad as soon as it is attached, and his growth pattern will change. If you follow your labels, your relationships will get worse and worse. \”The leader and I still had some discussions later, but we both came to a common conclusion: \”The happiness of an introverted child depends largely on you not putting too much pressure on him in interpersonal relationships. \”This sentence is the general principle of martial arts necessary for raising introverted children! However, introverted children must be taught to express themselves reasonably! Something happened in our class that day. CiCi\’s mother sent me an angry message in the middle of the night. Come to WeChat: \”CiCi came home and cried to me, saying that her friend Xiao R scratched her and she felt so much pain! I looked at my arm and saw a bloodstain. You should take good care of that little R! \”When I saw this WeChat message in the middle of the night, I was completely confused. CiCi was in a normal mood all day and didn\’t say anything to me. Why didn\’t she tell me such a big thing? The truth came out the next day. It turned out that the arrest was The injury occurred during lunch break. CiCi was scratched by Little R unintentionally. But CiCi did not tell anyone. Because she felt: First, it was lunch break, and crying would disturb other children. Sleep; secondly, she was afraid of losing Xiao R as a friend. But when she saw her mother after returning home, all the accumulated emotions burst out, and small things became big things. Introverted children tend toIt\’s very entertaining to the core. But it’s easy to suppress your own thoughts. They are not as easy to express their feelings as extroverted children. Like CiCi, I don\’t understand how a little girl under 4 years old could think of so many good reasons to endure the injury even when she was scratched. Moreover, introverted children generally have high self-esteem and care about other people\’s evaluations, which often makes them hold back. Therefore, some parents are worried about \”will my introverted child be bullied?\” This actually makes sense. . . . . Extroverted children are also very forgetful. Even if they don\’t talk about their feelings, they will forget about it in the blink of an eye. But introverts don’t. He would bottle it up until he could talk about it. But the solution to this problem is not to make introverted children aggressive, but to teach them expression! \”Express your feelings and requirements, don\’t hide them\” will be a major lesson in the childhood of introverted children.