How can children break bad habits?

The essence of education is the self-cultivation of parents. We need to be aware of ourselves in every bit of our lives. The deeper the awareness, the easier it will be for the love between us and our children to flow. Relationship is more important than any method; of course, the prerequisite for seeing your child is to see yourself. Parents are the problem for their children, love and freedom are the only answers. \”We imagine what our children should be like, and then we imagine how to deal with them.\” This is a very terrible view of parenting. So, what is the correct view of parenting? The complete collection of Hello Kitty’s Fairy Tales [20 episodes + 16 episodes of the parenting animation series] In fact, what I want to say is: parent-child relationship is more important than education methods! Everyone has heard that \”character determines destiny\”, so what determines character? From a psychological perspective, the parent-child relationship we encounter in childhood will be internalized into the child\’s heart and become an internal relationship model. This set of inner relationship patterns forms our character and determines our destiny. The mother-infant attachment relationship lays the foundation for a child\’s life. The relationship patterns of childhood closely correspond to our career, love and marriage, and parent-child relationships today. It sounds like life is deterministic. In fact, the parent-child relationship determines the starting point of our lives. Children need to be seen. Let’s first talk about the child’s “sense of presence”. Existence must arise in relationship. If the baby smiles at the mother and the mother does not respond, the baby is stupid. He will wonder, \”Do I exist? Does my mother exist? What\’s wrong with this world?\” If the baby\’s various reactions are not responded to by the mother, the baby will live with the feeling that the whole world is fragmented. So, what are the common responses, and what are their consequences? 1. Repeat the emotion-related words in the other person\’s words. For example, if your baby says to you, \”Mom, this puppy is so cute!\” Then the mother can respond by saying, \”Mom, I saw it, it\’s so cute.\” This is repeating what he said. . Repeat the emotion expressed by the other person or the emotion you feel, confirm it, and both of you will be happy. 2. Irrelevant reactions, such as a child saying: \”Mom, I just saw a dog, it\’s so cute!\” Some mothers will say: \”Have you done your homework?\” Download the full video of Lanhai Super Parenting Teacher in high definition [ All 4 seasons] If a child often gets irrelevant responses in his initial communication with his mother, then when he grows up, he will feel that communicating with others is a very stupid thing, so he will become indifferent. Of course, he may also be very smart and think very clearly when he is alone in his own world, but he finds chatting with others boring. 3. Emotional counterattack: \”Mom, this puppy is so cute.\” \”The newspaper just reported that a man died of rabies!\” and other similar counter-emotional words, you will feel that your energy has gone out and been brought to life. Twist it back. When we become adults, we will not remember this anger, but this anger will remain hidden in our hearts and will later be expressed through emotional reversal. 4. I just don’t want to respond. I don’t know if you have ever had some nightmares, such as falling into a pit or encountering other dangers, and you will call “Mom”, butIt was my mother who didn\’t respond. This makes the child feel: \”If I am going to die, my mother will not come to save me.\” If you want to be in your own world for the time being and are unwilling to respond to your child, you can say to your child: \”I know you want to interact with your mother. Your request is very good, but due to her own reasons, she wants to stay by herself for a while. , this is not your fault. In half an hour, can you, mom, stay with you again?\” Analyzing the child\’s behavior from a psychological perspective 1. Should the child eat his fingers? Do you want to stop him? First of all, why do children eat their fingers? Some studies have found that the fetus has already begun to eat its fingers when it is in the belly. The baby feels that he can lift his hand up and put it into his mouth, and he will be very happy, just like discovering a new world, which is a feat. Before the child is 1 year old, the tool for exploring the world is the mouth. He will put everything in his mouth to explore. Some parents are very nervous. In fact, their children are very, very careful and are fully aware. As long as they are not disturbed, there will be no problem. As long as we ensure the safety and hygiene of the surrounding environment, we try to allow children to explore freely. What should I do if my child still chews his fingers after he is 1 year old? The answer is still: If you don’t do anything, let him eat. It may be because the oral phase has not been explored enough, or it may be that the baby is eating his fingers to make up for the lack of breast milk. Whatever the reason, we can only deeply allow it rather than stop it. Some children just act later than others. That\’s because your child has unique characteristics. Don\’t make him an assembly line product, the same. Everything about children needs our care, not change. 2. How to protect children from danger? Our intelligence will only develop if we experience it. One of the nice things about my dad is that he rarely educates me by scaring me with conclusions. When I was a child, I hammered nails and planed wood with him. These seemingly dangerous actions have become interesting memories of my childhood. A child is naturally aware and will never injure himself. For example, if a child loves to play with knives, we can touch the knife with him, touch it slowly, and slowly reach the critical state of injury, allowing the child to experience this feeling on his own. A child who has had experience with knives will look for sharp objects similar to knives to cut the rope when he is entangled in a rope when going out. This is intellectual development. Children who have only learned that knives are dangerous will not be able to save themselves. If we only learn some conclusions, our intelligence has not developed. What we have developed is fear and restriction. I have seen many children born in the 2000s who are so tall that they dare not go down the stairs. The mother is always anxious, and the child feels that exploring a new world is scary and exploring new things is dangerous. The child has learned fear and restriction since childhood. To control is to kill spiritual life. If you control his eating, he will feel that eating is painful. If you control his study, he will feel that studying is painful. If I control you, your will will no longer exist. What exists is my will. Wherever your desire for control extends, your children will experience endless pain throughout their lives. 3. Do you need to set rules for your children?Many parents ask me whether they should set rules for their children. What I was thinking at that time was that the law says that the subject of a contract must be an equal person with civil capacity before a contract can be concluded. If your child is not an independent agent, how can he make a contract with you? How can I set an exchange condition with you and implement it? This is an unreasonable treaty. The point of the rules is to safeguard the feelings of both parties. Some mothers asked me if their children knew how to brush their teeth and asked her to help them brush their teeth. I asked her how she felt when she and her children were brushing their teeth together. She said they were very happy. I said is there anything wrong with this? If a child learns that following rules is uncomfortable, how can he consciously follow these rules in the future? If the rule makes the child happy, that\’s a good outcome. This is how rules are created. The feelings of both people are taken care of. The rules at this time are equal to comfort. When no one is supervising, he will still be willing to abide by the rules. 4. What should I do if my child has bad habits? Every good child is terrible. They have been doing things according to their parents\’ rules all their lives. They think they are good children and others must love them. When they encounter huge setbacks, no one loves them no matter how good they are, and their good logic is shattered, terrible things will happen. I have a friend who wants to get divorced. He said that everything I did in the past was arranged by my parents. I want to do something that my parents did not arrange, and that is divorce. In fact, he either has no feelings anymore, or it\’s because he has been suppressed for too long. Any control will encounter backlash, no matter how correct it is. Behind every stubborn bad habit is the painful cry of lack of love. If your child has some bad habits, you can tell him: [Collection of Authoritative Parenting Book] Classic Book Early Childhood Education and Genius Original PDF \”Baby, no matter what, you are my child, and I know you have your own life.\” I don’t have the ability to understand the development pattern of children, but I can accompany and see them.” What kind of love should parents give their children? Every soul born into the world has a mission. This mission does not require any supervision. It only requires love and freedom, and he will experience it naturally. What kind of love should parents give their children? Only the child himself knows what is best for him. How many of us live in anxiety because reality is different from what we imagined. Why do we say trust? Let’s take a look at this fable: During the drought season, small trees curl up their leaves to protect themselves. Gardener A saw the appearance and understood the essence, and replenished water in time; Gardener B did not care about anything, and the small tree survived until the rainy season; Gardener C learned a lot of knowledge and believed that it is healthy and correct to stretch the leaves, so he worked hard to cut the leaves one by one. Break the film apart – you can imagine the result. We don’t need to know education, and we don’t need to be psychologists to have children, but we must keep a humble heart: you will never know what is best for your child better than you do. The essence of education is the self-cultivation of parents. The more deeply we experience our own awareness, the more humble we become. Authoritative parenting book: How to Set Boundaries for Children Download [Ultra-clear scanned PDF version] The prerequisite for seeing your children is to see yourself. best for childrenEducation means no education. If you teach your children all their knowledge, they will not surpass you at best.