How could I not be worried? I just don’t want to pass my anxiety to my children.

One semester is about to pass, and the number of friends Niuniu has made in the new school is: 0. Not long after school started, the head teacher noticed that \”this new kid spends most of the time alone.\” At the first parent-teacher meeting, the teacher told us that he was not worried about her studies at all. The only issue that Niuniu needed to pay attention to was social interaction. He would encourage Niuniu to have lunch with other children in the future. I am very grateful to the teacher for paying attention to Niu Niu and being willing to find ways to make Niu Niu\’s friends. But I didn’t have high hopes for how effective the next “social activities” would be. The teacher asked Niu: During lunch time, you go to three classmates and ask them if they can play with you. Niu Niu went, she was not shy, she could do it all, she just thought reading was more interesting, so she continued to read and eat alone in silence. In her previous school, the teacher\’s biggest concern was also her social life. The class teacher changes every year, but what remains the same is that every teacher will remind her of this: Niu often doesn\’t play with her peers. Niu had only one friend in her previous school, and she only played with this friend. She could study with other girls and get along peacefully, but her friendship was very shallow. The teacher also tried to encourage her to play with other children, but with little success. She can chat with people one-on-one, but when it comes to one-on-N situations, she can\’t handle it. Every time I see her with a group of children, I can\’t help but worry about her: if it is not a group activity required by the school teacher, if it is a free activity, she will be \”squeezed out\”… and eventually become alone. We and the teacher are worried that if she is socially frustrated, will she feel lonely and left behind? But she seems to be very comfortable, completely immersed in her own world. Most of the time, she is running wild in her mind and detached from her surroundings. After she decided to transfer to another school, I thought about entering a new social environment. I said to her: Stop reading all the time and try to play with other classmates, okay? Niu said: But I don’t want to play, I want to study more. I said: When someone takes the initiative to talk to you, don\’t you always refuse? It\’s not very polite. The girl said innocently: Oh, you mean I should be more polite, right? I just said, ‘Sorry, I want to finish reading my book first’. Her dad and I used a more roundabout way to induce her: communicating with people is also very interesting. In fact, it is similar to reading a book. Others also have stories, and there are many things you don’t know. What’s even more amazing is that this This book is still being written, and you don’t know how it will develop in the future… Niu said: No, I still think reading is more interesting. I was completely defeated by her😵😵😵Colleagues and friends all know about Niuniu’s situation. When I ask her occasionally, I always say: Let’s talk if we can, and don’t force the conversation if we can’t. Niu doesn’t make friends at all in school, but The class is so small (18 children), so it\’s normal that we can\’t talk to each other… But to say that we are completely relieved and let go is a lie. It\’s really true that we don\’t have friends. , as long as she is in harmony with herself, why does she have to socialize… When it comes to her own children, she is still a little worried. While I agree that I cannot force my child to make friends, and that her feelings should be the main priority, I am also worried about her psychology.Health – She can live without friends, but having friends will make her campus life happier. The truth is, she also enjoys spending time with her friends. The friends that I have been able to make for a long time are basically through \”arranged friendships\”. I took the initiative to make appointments with the mothers of children who were friendly to her, and arranged for the two children to play together… But now that the children are older, they have their own interests. I have my own hobbies and my own way of making friends. I can help less and less, and I also suspect that my rash intervention may be counterproductive. I remember when we first moved to Melbourne, my little girl went to kindergarten. At that time, she still cried when she went to school. She cried as soon as she entered the door, and the assistant teacher came to take care of her. The girl couldn\’t speak clearly. The class teacher avoided her and backed away when he saw her. He told her not to speak Chinese in school, but in fact there were many Chinese children in the class who could speak Chinese (I really accepted it. The class teacher was really unprofessional). ). Not long after, a girl T, whom Niu knew, was transferred from another class. I had made an appointment with her mother before, and the two little girls had met, and she was very happy to play with T. However, T was actually not very familiar with Niu. She might be busy adapting to the new class and not pay much attention to her. When Niu came back, she was very disappointed and said that T wouldn\’t play with her. I tried to comfort her, but she cried even harder and said, \”I just want to play with her.\” I helped her make an appointment with T and T\’s mother to play together. She kept trying and insisted on holding T\’s hand, but T wanted to hold her mother\’s hand and ignored her. She was unhappy, but she continued to be enthusiastic and proactive. , approaching persistently. Later, they gradually got to know each other, and the two girls started playing together. They always played together in school. With such a friend in school, school became much more interesting. Good friends will play with other friends, but Niuniu only plays with good friends. Niu told me that when T was not playing with her, she would play with so-and-so temporarily. She only recognizes one friend and is simply \”loyal\”. Once while dancing, another girl approached the girl and said she liked her skirt. The girl stretched out her hand in front of her in a gesture of rejection and said: You are not my friend. Witnessing the whole process, I was silently torn apart😖Outside of school, our family friend also had a girl about the same age as Niu. We grew up together and the two girls were also very close friends. Nono had many, many good friends, while Niu only had Nuo. There are two friends, No and T, one in school and one outside school. It is not difficult for Niuniu to meet new partners and break the ice. Sometimes she is so social that it embarrasses me (she is not shy at all and does not know much about social distance), but it is a bit difficult to establish a stable friendship. Her emotions come and go quickly, and she is enthusiastic Too much can easily scare children away. A friend\’s little boy C came to our house. She thought he was an old friend and was very enthusiastic. She wanted to play with dolls and play house with him, but C was not interested. C was rude to her, and she got angry. After being angry, she went to play with others. C was so annoyed by her that he hid in the cupboard. On the first day of her new school, Niuniu introduced herself and started talking to everyone as soon as she walked in. When I met a new classmate who was about to be in the same class, I immediately went up to say hello and then sang to the little girl. The girl was super nervous and the atmosphere became awkward. I quickly told her to stop singing. Then the girl\’s mother sent her brother to class, and the girl stayed alone in the waiting room. The girl came up to say hello again.Said: hello, Ilona~ The girl smiled and agreed. But there is no further story. Niu and the children in the new class are just casual acquaintances, and no one can establish a strong connection with her. In the previous friendship relationship, the girl did not have the advantage. It was more the other children who tolerated the girl, so that they could develop further. When she got a little older, Niu seemed to have taken the initiative in making friends (maybe she was becoming more \”tsundere\”). Other children thought she was strange and unsociable, and Niu didn\’t tolerate her. I would read a book by myself if I fell in love with anyone… There is a risk of injury in interpersonal relationships, but the possibility of collision and integration is also lost. She said to me one day: My friends say I’m weird sometimes, but it’s actually because of ADHD, right? I said it\’s because you are special and different from other friends she knows. Differences are sometimes interesting and sometimes incomprehensible. But we are all different, and it’s okay not to understand. In my heart, I still hope that Niu can have a friend in her new school. Friends are so important to an individual, but she hasn’t realized it yet. When I was with a good friend, he went to the band to practice piano, so he took the girl with him, gave her a book, and practiced there. One practices the piano, the other reads, and they don’t disturb each other. There is a tacit understanding. What a wonderful friendship between little girls~ During the time they spend together, good friends also resist a lot of social harm for the girl, and face many problems together, which is gold. Such a good friend. When the little girl went to preschool, she had trouble paying attention. She often didn’t know what the teacher wanted. Her good friends helped her and told her what to do. Before, the teacher said that the little girl was lagging behind, so she didn’t listen to 80% of the class content…the remaining 20%. Maybe it was partly due to her good friends 😂 The girl couldn’t remember the activities the teacher told her about the next day. For example, she had to bring pocket money to the school’s second-hand market to buy things. She took a fake game money to go…and her good friends used their own I used my pocket money to buy it for her (more than once). Some classmates in the class bullied Niu Niu and excluded her. It was her good friends who helped her stand up and resist the unfriendly voices and actions. A new girl may particularly want to integrate into the new group and win over other girls, including Niuniu’s good friends, saying: We don’t want to play with Allison (Niuniu). My good friend was very angry. He was still indignant when he went home at night, saying that the girl said very rude words to Niuniu, which would make her sad… and even made her cry with excitement. A good friend told the teacher about this and insisted that the girl apologize to Niu Niu. The next day, the teacher emphasized the rules for making friends and did not criticize anyone by name. (I think it was handled quite well) Niu never talked about what happened at school, and it took me a while to find out about it from my good friend’s parents. Watching them along the way, there were many moments when I was particularly lucky that Niuniu had such a good friend. I even think Silly Niu has stupid blessings. Although she has few friends, the ones left behind are all very good children. I have to say that Niu is quite lucky. One day, a friend forwarded me a video of Little Sheldon. I watched it and immediately passed it to my teammates: Look, she’s just like our girl., Sheldon\’s parents were also worried that he wouldn\’t be able to make friends. Mom wanted to accompany him, but dad stopped her. Like Sheldon, Niu likes to read alone. She can talk to you about the physical universe, Mars exploration, animal habits, biological evolution, magic novels, funny comics… On the other hand, she is also super childish, and she has an innocence that belies her age. . I wouldn\’t force her to step out of her \”comfort zone\” if she feels more comfortable alone than in a group. When it comes to making friends, I can\’t force it. I can only hope and remind myself whether this is \”the child\’s own needs\” or \”my needs for her good\”, and try not to pass on my anxiety to her. In the process of raising a little girl, if there is any \”test\”, I think it may be: she is very special, and there is nothing to refer to internally or externally. Rather than \”test\”, \”experience\” may be more appropriate. As long as we ensure her safety, we will not interfere too much because we are not sure what is best for her. Jiujiu\’s way of making friends is very different from Niuniu\’s. Jiujiu is very nervous and wants to make friends but is embarrassed and doesn\’t take the initiative. But when other children come to play with him, they quickly get acquainted with each other in the game and become friends while playing. He focuses on playing itself, and friends are incidental. But Niuniu is more concerned about playing with someone, and she can play anything. The children are completely different. Watching them grow up, I have experienced these differences together and accompanied them. This is probably the luckiest place to raise children. When I went to pick up the children from the new school, a boy blocked the road with a stop sign and shouted to Jiujiu: Password! The two of them were laughing and joking. After Jiujiu came back, he told me that this was his best friend. I asked who else is your friend? He thought for a moment and said the names of the two more children. I turned around and asked Niu Niu who was reading a book, Niu Niu, who is your best friend in this school? Niu said: The library director and her assistant! Then she showed me the scented sticker on her water glass, which was given to her by the library teacher. She has a better relationship with the teachers than with her classmates. Every time the Chinese teacher sees me, she will enthusiastically praise her and say that she likes her very much, as well as the library teacher, because she stays there for a long time every day. Niuniu\’s former teacher asked someone to bring her a card: I miss her, I hope she likes her new school, and I also miss her treasures – Niuniu always picked up some shiny things and gave them to her teacher. They are all \”big friends\”, so that\’s okay~ It\’s nice to know that my daughter is loved. In the past, we only thought she was our treasure, and only then did we learn to appreciate and cherish her beauty. Slowly, someone also saw her. But if one day Niu tells us that she has a new friend who shares the same interests with her and can talk to her, I will definitely be like Sheldon’s mother, super surprised and excited, looking forward to that day.