How did Sun Honglei cultivate his children\’s self-confidence? How did he do it in only three days?

A few days ago, Sun Honglei mistakenly posted a frontal photo of his daughter on Weibo and deleted it immediately, and asked everyone not to spread it and protect his children. The next day, Sun Honglei posted another Kahlil Gibran\’s classic poem \”Your Children Are Not Yours\” on Weibo, which instantly triggered heated discussions and praise for the new baby daddy Sun Honglei. In fact, Qing Lanjun discovered Sun Honglei\’s \”dad power\” when he watched the variety show \”Challenging the Limit\” recorded by Sun Honglei, Huang Lei, Huang Bo and others some time ago. In the sixth and seventh issues of \”Extreme Challenge\”, the \”Extreme Men\’s Gang\” came to a remote mountain village in Guilin, Guangxi. The purpose of their trip was to organize a competition for the children in the mountains, give gifts, and help five left-behind children achieve their goals. desire. Sun Honglei\’s mission is to help an introverted, inferior, shy and very sensitive boy – Yang Qibiao (nicknamed \”Brother Biao\”) become confident. You can imagine how difficult it is to make a child confident in three days. But at the end of the show, Brother Biao really changed. At first, he was a shy boy who did not dare to speak in front of his classmates. Whenever he spoke, he lowered his head, covered his face and wanted to cry. Later, he bravely became the captain and led everyone to win the game, with a confident smile on his face. Netizens who have watched the show said that Brother Biao has changed a lot. In three days, a child with low self-esteem became confident. How did Sun Honglei do it? 1. Helping children build self-confidence in peer groups. The first part of the program is to go to the school to find the child you want to help based on the video sent by the child\’s parents. When Sun Honglei met Brother Biao for the first time, he found that Brother Biao was really shy. He knew that Brother Biao behaved like this because he had been looked down upon by his classmates for a long time. So he decided to accompany his child to face the classmates who looked down on him in the class and open up the child\’s heart. Sun Honglei first explained to Brother Biao in class, hoping that everyone would be more tolerant of Brother Biao. Then he encouraged Brother Biao to declare his challenge to participate in the recording program in front of his classmates, to show his courage and express his thoughts. Finally, with the encouragement and company of Sun Honglei, Brother Biao walked up to the podium and said the challenge declaration and what he wanted to say. The words \”please don\’t look down on me\” were words that had been held in Brother Biao\’s heart for a long time. After saying this, Brother Biao felt relieved and finally smiled happily. He who could not hold his head up in front of his classmates before became brave. Burke, the famous American psychology professor, said in the book \”Burke\’s Lifespan Developmental Psychology\”: \”If you observe children on the school playground or in the community, you will find that they often gather together in small groups. At the end of primary school, children show a strong desire to belong to a group. They are eager to be accepted, loved and affirmed by their peers. Even the evaluation of peers is more important than their parents.\” Brother Biao is in fourth grade and is 10 years old. He is eager to be recognized by his peers. age. Sun Honglei was also looked down upon by his classmates when he was Biao\’s age, so he felt the same way. At that time, he hoped that his parents and teachers could help him and give him some guidance. So the first thing Sun Honglei did when he saw Brother Biao was to help him build confidence among his peers and regain his confidence. 2. Discover children’s shining points and praise them promptly. The second part of the program is when 5 left-behind children who receive assistance get together to play.Games and becoming friends with each other. At first everyone was jumping rope, but Brother Biao couldn’t jump and couldn’t fit in. Sun Honglei did not encourage Brother Biao to jump this time because he learned that Brother Biao had never jumped before, and several other children were all masters of rope skipping. So Sun Honglei quietly asked Brother Biao what he was good at. After knowing that Brother Biao was very good at badminton, he immediately went to find badminton with Brother Biao. As soon as we started playing badminton, Brother Biao, who was hiding in the corner just now and didn\’t dare to jump rope, immediately became very energetic and defeated all his friends. Brother Biao, who did not dare to play skipping, was hiding aside. Sun Honglei, who was full of confidence when he started playing badminton, was applauding, shouting and giving likes. Brother Biao\’s confidence was built again. Confidence is an individual\’s ability to self-evaluate. The reason why confident people firmly believe \”I can do it\” is because they know where their strengths are. Therefore, as a parent, you must help your child discover his strengths and build confidence for him. 3. Let the children go and exercise to meet the challenges. The third part of the program is to form a team to play games. After going through the previous sessions, Brother Biao gradually built up some confidence. So Sun Honglei decided to let Brother Biao do some challenging things – think of a team name, find players, and become the captain. Sun Honglei suggested that Brother Biao name the team, and praised Brother Biao for being \”awesome\”. After being praised, Brother Biao, who was full of confidence, led the team to start the competition. There were not enough members, so Sun Honglei asked Brother Biao to take the lead. Sun Honglei asked Brother Biao to be the captain. Sun Honglei asked Brother Biao gives orders. After completing this series of challenges, Brother Biao became more and more confident and even exuded the temperament of a small leader. By the third day, even if Sun Honglei was not around, Brother Biao was already able to lead the 12 children to complete various tasks. After winning the game, Sun Honglei emphasized to Brother Biao again: \”It was because of your leadership that I won the game. It\’s awesome.\” I believe that after this experience, Brother Biao will be more confident in the future. Self-confidence means \”I believe I have the ability\”, and the basis of ability is experience. Success and failure experiences can increase ability. If you don\’t do it once, you will have no experience; if you do it once, you will have experience. As written in \”Human Weaknesses\”: \”The way to develop self-confidence is to do what you are afraid of doing and gain a successful experience.\” Of course, you cannot force your child to experience what he is particularly afraid of, which is particularly difficult for him. Otherwise, continuing to experience failure will be a blow to the child. The former Soviet educator Vygotsky\’s \”Zone of Proximal Development\” theory believes that children\’s development has two levels: one is the current level, that is, the level of problem-solving that can be achieved when acting independently; the other is the possible level The level achieved is the level of problem solving that can be achieved through teaching. The difference between the two is the zone of proximal development. The \”zone of proximal development\” is the area where children can \”jump and reach\”. Make full use of the child\’s \”zone of proximal development\” and let the child do things that can lead to success through hard work, and the child will be more confident. 4. Encourage companionship with children. Renate Hoerburger, a famous German child and adolescent psychotherapist, believes that the formation of self-confidence requires internal and external security. Self-confidence not only means believing that you can give full play to yourself and being satisfied with your achievements, but alsoNeed to be accepted, respected and affirmed by those around you. When children are not confident, parents should be the ones who build a ladder for their children to build self-confidence. They should stay with their children, patiently encourage and guide them, and give them enough love and security. Throughout the recording process of the program, Sun Honglei has been encouraging and accompanying Brother Biao. Brother Biao did not dare to stand on the podium and speak. Sun Honglei kept encouraging him outside the classroom and helped him practice what he wanted to say on stage. Brother Biao did not dare to invite his friends to play badminton together, so Sun Honglei patiently encouraged him to give it a try, and at the same time encouraged Brother Biao not to back down with reasons such as \”This is a program task\” and \”You have to win honors for the class.\” The last part of the program is to give gifts to the children and say goodbye. Sun Honglei did not give Brother Biao any gifts, but he had planted a seed of confidence in Brother Biao. As netizens said, making children confident is worth more than giving any gifts. Yu Minhong once asked everyone in a speech: \”What is the difference between Jack Ma and me? Why is Alibaba now dozens of times bigger than New Oriental?\” There was laughter at first, and then silence. Yu Minhong then said seriously: \”It\’s the difference between confidence and inferiority.\” \”Ma Yun is a very confident person, and he can quickly get out of frustration and inferiority. When Ma Yun first entered Hangzhou Normal University, he was very inferior, but only He felt inferior for a moment, and then he set three goals for himself. The first goal was to turn a junior college into an undergraduate degree; the second goal was to become the president of the student union of the school, and as a result, he became the president of the entire Zhejiang Provincial Student Union; The third one is to fall in love with the school belle of Hangzhou Normal University. When Ma Yun graduated, all three goals were achieved beyond expectations. Not only did he fall in love, but he also married someone home.\” After talking about Ma Yun, Yu Minhong began to say Self: \”And I am a person with a particularly low self-esteem. If I enter Hangzhou Normal University, I will definitely graduate and eventually work as a teacher in the countryside. I am not exaggerating, because I am useless at Peking University except studying. First, I have no Participate in any student activities and student union cadres; secondly, I have not been in love. As a rural child with deep self-esteem, I think so. If I want to run for student cadres, it will be a failure. It is better not to run. If I fall in love, I will definitely be attracted by women. If the child refuses, the refusal will be even more embarrassing, so it is better not to talk about it.\” Finally, Yu Minhong said with emotion: \”So, self-confidence, even blind self-confidence, is a hundred times stronger than cowardice and thoughtfulness.\” There is an old European proverb: Skills and Confidence adds up to an invincible army. If you have confidence and go all out, things will succeed nine times out of ten. Self-confidence is the most powerful soft power in a child\’s life. Give your children enough love, acceptance, affirmation and encouragement, discover their strengths and let them take on challenges. I believe that through accumulation time and time again, every child can slowly become stronger and more confident like Brother Biao.