How do children who recover from depression get better?

If a child suffers from depression, can it be cured? The answer is yes. However, why do some children get better while others do not? How did those children who recovered get better? What made the child voluntarily hand over the knife and decide never to hurt himself again; what made the child who had been listless for a month say, \”Mom, let\’s go out and play\”; what made the child leave the room behind a closed door? Zhong walked out and said, \”I want to talk to you.\” …What did children and parents who survived depression do right? For so many years, children just want to hear the words \”It\’s okay\” from their parents @小木 15 years old, depressed for two years When most parents learn that their children are depressed, most parents are shocked. The same goes for Xiaomu\’s parents. Looking at the diagnosis result of \”severe depression\”, they still believed that the child was just in a bad mood for a while and that it would be fine if he thought about it. The head teacher suggested suspending school, but Xiaomu\’s parents firmly opposed it: \”What should I do if I fall behind in the class?\” The child no longer wants his life, but the parents are still holding on to their child\’s grades. This winter vacation, parents only need to do these 7 things and 3 things, and it will be difficult for your children to be outstanding! (Recommended for collection) Every time they consulted, they would ask: \”Why is the child still not well? When will he be well?\” At home, they also urged Xiaomu to \”get well as soon as possible\”. Xiao Mu told me that she would make one scratch on her body with a knife every day. After being scolded or urged, she would make two cuts. That day, when Xiao Mu was about to paddle herself, her mother suddenly opened the door and came in. Xiao Mu said: \”I was shocked. I didn\’t know how she was going to scold me. But after she stood for a long time, she came over and hugged me and said, it\’s okay, you are just sick, it\’s not your fault.\” This made me cry. After a long time, I no longer wanted to row myself. On Xiao Mu’s birthday, her mother’s gift was a stray cat that Xiao Mu had secretly fed for a long time! Xiao Mu smiled for the first time in so many days and took the cat for a physical examination with her mother. There were many cats in the pet hospital. Xiao Mu petted this one and looked at that one, and her mood gradually brightened. Mom suddenly said to Xiao Mu seriously: \”I used to be too anxious. In fact, it doesn\’t matter if I don\’t get good grades, or if I can\’t go to a good university. As long as a person does what he likes, he will be in a good mood, and he can support himself no matter what. !\” Xiao Mu said: \”This is the second time my mother said it doesn\’t matter. It turns out that they have always been very demanding, not to make me proud of my ancestors, but just to hope that I have the ability to support myself.\” That day, Xiao Mu felt relieved and cried for a long time. I expressed a lot of dissatisfaction with myself and told myself \”it doesn\’t matter\” many times. \”It doesn\’t matter if you say too much, it really doesn\’t seem to be a big deal.\” It can be seen from the case of Xiao Mu\’s recovery that after a child becomes depressed, many parents are committed to seeing a doctor for their child, hoping to cure the child. But depression is not the child’s own disease, but a “family disease,” and improvement also requires the strength of the family. Parents\’ demands and pressure are often one of the reasons for children\’s depression. Just like many children always have a sentence in their suicide notes before committing suicide: \”I\’m sorry to let you down.\” It\’s not that they don\’t want to live, but they can\’t face their parents. Disappointed, they need a \”It\’s okay\” from their parents so much. Let children know that even if they do not do well, they can be forgiven and accepted, so that they can truly feel relaxed.Face study and life more calmly. Only when children feel great can they be rejuvenated @乐乐 19 years old. After being depressed for two years, Lele decided to leave this world after being diagnosed with depression. But the day before committing suicide, she suddenly received a confession from a boy in her class. He has liked Lele for a long time. He thinks Lele has a nice smile, a quiet temperament, beautiful handwriting, a cute way of thinking with his head tilted, and he cares about others… But he also suffers from depression. Lele read that confession letter again and again, and cried again and again. Lele said: \”I thought no one would pay attention to me or like me, but he let me know that I am not alone, and I am not useless. I am very important. Someone needs me, cares about me, and loves me. I have someone.\” It’s valuable.” A confession pulled Lele back and comforted her lonely and broken heart. Lele chatted with the boy for a long time and quickly established a relationship. Thankfully, my parents didn\’t object. After falling in love, Lele regained a little vitality. She begins to learn how to recover and invites the other person to try to change together. The two also take extra classes together, travel together, do volunteer work together, exercise together, and see a psychologist together. When a boy is depressed, Lele can always understand him quickly and comfort him. The boy praised Lele for being talented and even better than a consultant. Lele wrote down the process of fighting depression and posted it online. Unexpectedly, it received a lot of likes, and some netizens took the initiative to seek advice from Lele. Lele said: \”After I actually did it, I discovered that I can actually do a lot of things. I have a strong learning ability, I am good at empathy, I am good at observation and communication…\” From this, she found her life mission: from now on Work as a psychotherapist, specializing in helping people suffering from depression. Some people may say that Lele is lucky to get better. Not everyone can happen to meet someone they like, who happens to be depressed, and who happens to be willing to face it with themselves. However, even if you have a lover, don\’t place your hope of healing on the other person. This is not the other person\’s responsibility, but your own homework. Lele\’s improvement was not due to love, but because: first, she found the same kind of person. This is a twin self-object experience, which refers to the experience that someone has basic similarities with herself, which will alleviate the disease. Shame and loneliness, having a sense of security. Second, falling in love prompted her to get out of the \”I\’m bad\” mood and find the feeling of \”I\’m not bad\” and \”I\’m worthy\”. This is an experience Lele lacks in her family. What she often hears at home is \”You are so useless\”, \”You are a drag\”, \”You can\’t do anything well\”… This is also an important reason for many children\’s depression. They feel a deep sense of worthlessness. \”I\’m good, I\’m great\” is a child\’s hope for survival. Only by not giving up a regular life can we truly get out of depression @C. C, a 16-year-old visitor who has been depressed for three years, also recovered well from depression. The following is her self-report: After I became depressed, my parents paid great attention to it. My mother asked for leave to accompany me, but my father did not When I lose my temper, everyone tries to follow me, which relieves me of the pressure. I stay at home every day, play games, watch TV series, and read novels… This environment is supposed to be very good, but after more than a year, I also Not getting better. Later, I went to consult, and the consultant asked me to engage in some social activities, and discussed with me from time to time when to return to school, or when to return to school.Learn something and do something before going to school. I am very angry. Where can I find such a consultant? My parents have allowed me not to go to school, but you, a counselor, don’t allow it? I asked her if she didn\’t understand counseling. She expressed her understanding that I didn\’t want to go to school, and said to me: \”I believe that depression is just a temporary state for you. I care about your present and your future.\” At that moment, I felt hit. , will I still have a future? What future can I have? But at the same time, I also feel a sense of strength. I will get better, and I will not remain so depressed, decadent, and miserable. Depression is just a small part of my life, a small bump. It will pass sooner or later. I can recover, and I can continue my studies, career, and even get married and have children in the future. I have been depressed for such a long time, and the acceptance of my family seems to be a kind of helplessness. It seems that I have been like this my whole life and there is no hope. Only the counselor is still talking to me firmly and persistently about how to return to society. She made me understand that it was not that I wanted to be bad, but that I was afraid that I would no longer be able to live a normal life. Facing those fears, I discovered that I had desires and dreams. I began to believe that I could do it, and I really tried. No matter how hard it gets, never give up on yourself: it will get better. After a child is depressed, parents really need to pay attention. This will make the child feel accepted and tolerated, with more comfort and less guilt. However, paying too much attention may become a kind of indulgence. If children feel depressed, they can get certain benefits, such as not going to school at will, controlling their parents, etc. This is not conducive to their recovery. Love is not just about satisfaction, it also has to have appropriate requirements. Parents have the obligation to restrain their children and help them return to society. In addition to the above three children, there are many people who have come out of depression. To sum up, they have probably achieved the following points: 1. Parents give priority to making changes. Children\’s illness is a family disease, and changes in parents are often changes in children. opportunity. Change is not easy, and you may find that you have been working hard for a long time, but with little success. It doesn\’t matter, you can communicate your efforts and frustrations with your child, and bear and grow together, which is of great significance to your child\’s recovery. If you don’t know how to change, you can try family therapy and adjust yourself better with the help of a counselor. 2. Correctly value and accept your child\’s illness: stop blaming. This is not pretentious or small-minded, it is really an illness. You can tell your child: \”You are just sick. It is not your fault. You will get better. We will stay with you and help you.\” Listen and understand: Ask your child about their thoughts and feelings, and do not rush to educate, refute or Comfort and listen to your child. Even if you don\’t understand, you can still say: \”This is how you feel and this is what you think. I understand. Although I can\’t understand it for a while, I believe you have a reason to be like this.\” Appreciate your children: Take the initiative to discover your children\’s strengths , let the children experience the feeling that their parents are proud of themselves. Appropriate assistance: If a child needs medical treatment, suspension from school, companionship, or consultation, parents should actively cooperate and assist, which will make the child feel supported. 3. Maintain a regular life and not be out of touch with society. In addition to the psychological aspect, children also need a healthy diet physically.Go outdoors every day to exercise, bask in the sun, develop hobbies, raise pets, etc. And do some \”business\”, such as learning technology, working part-time, volunteering, and doing things within your ability. This is the key to the child\’s future return to society. Of course, this needs to be discussed with the child\’s counselor and doctor based on the child\’s condition. 4. Support children’s peer communication. Depressed children are often lonely children. If parents cannot understand their children, they can encourage their children to find friends who have similar experiences to themselves, and support their children to interact and communicate with their peers, grow together, and be able to work together. Go further. Step out of your comfort zone and take the initiative to make changes. My friend almost went crazy after his child became depressed. Every morning, I am afraid that my child will still be depressed, and I also hope that my child will say with a sunny face: \”Mom, I have had enough rest, I am fine, I am going to school today!\” Unfortunately, such a miracle rarely happens. Children will not be depressed for no reason, nor will they get better for no reason. Depression and recovery have a variety of complex factors at play. Fundamentally speaking, improvement lies in parents or children taking the initiative to make changes, knowing why they want to change and how to change, knowing that they are changing, and believing that they can change. No method can make a depressed child get better immediately. But any change is like opening a hole. For example, Xiao Mu learned to say \”it doesn\’t matter\” to herself when she feels pressure. I also want to say to you, it doesn’t matter, just take your time. Even if it takes a long time, keep your confidence and try new perspectives, new strategies, and new ways of coping.