How do lazy mothers with high emotional intelligence lose their temper when raising children?

Recently, a friend shared his mobile phone wallpaper: a beautiful lotus flower with three huge words \”Don\’t be angry\” written on it. After asking, she found out that her 7-year-old son was very naughty and liked to procrastinate. The night before yesterday, she got angry and beat her son. After that, I felt distressed and regretful, and I tried every means to remind myself to be less angry and less angry. I believe most mothers are familiar with this kind of guilt after mania. Everyone has secretly made up their mind to be a gentle and patient mother. But when it was time to raise children, I realized how difficult it is to be \”gentle\”. I once saw a piece of news: A 33-year-old mother felt so angry because her child was procrastinating on homework at night that she couldn\’t help but scold her loudly. I was training my child, but suddenly his words went awry. After he was sent to the hospital, he was diagnosed with acute cerebral infarction… Only parents can understand the despair and anger in this. No matter how good-tempered a mother is, she can\’t handle her children\’s constant nagging, procrastination, and getting into trouble… plus other worries in life, a small incident can break out. What makes mothers feel even more stressed is that tantrums are often blamed for causing great harm to their children, which leaves many feeling guilty. But as American psychiatrist Parker said: In this complex and ever-changing world, if we want to live a smooth life, we must learn to be angry. It’s just that we have to learn to express anger appropriately in different ways. Sometimes you need to be tactful, sometimes you need to be direct, sometimes you need to be calm, sometimes you need to get angry. Everyone has emotions. They want to laugh when they are happy, cry when they are wronged, and get angry when they are angry. This is human nature. Mothers don\’t have to blame themselves for occasionally losing their temper with their children, because the children also need to understand that mothers are also fragile and have emotions, and they must learn to put themselves in their mothers\’ shoes. So in today’s article, we don’t advise you on how not to lose your temper, but we talk about how to lose your temper correctly. When you are angry, practice pressing the pause button to get to know a couple. When you first got married, you often quarreled over trivial matters until your face turned red and your neck thickened. So the two of them made an agreement: when they felt angry, they would go for a run outside until they calmed down, and then go home to discuss the previous matter. The couple has been practicing this little trick for several years, and the number of quarrels has been significantly reduced. Methods and techniques for managing children\’s emotions Parenting books How to cultivate children with high emotional intelligence Ultra-clear PDF Loss of temper often makes people lose their rationality, because in most cases, anger comes in an instant, and reason has not yet had time to arise, and it is out of control Anger leads us to do things that hurt others. So, when you want to yell at your child or curse someone, what we need to practice is to pause. Wait patiently for a few seconds before making a decision, or temporarily leave the scene of the conflict and go back to your room or bathroom to calm down. At this time, you can give yourself a psychological suggestion: don’t get angry yet. Then ask yourself a few more questions: Why am I angry? Is there no better way than to lose your temper? Does what I see fit the whole truth? You can even say to your child, \”I\’m too angry to talk to you right now.talk. We\’ll talk when I calm down. \”The book \”Positive Discipline\” also puts forward the concept of \”cooling off period\”: When you can\’t help but want to yell at your child, try to withdraw from the current situation. This kind of pause can allow you to Being aware of your own emotions can effectively avoid making wrong decisions due to anger. It can also reduce your aggression towards your children and avoid violent behaviors or hurtful words. When you can detect negative emotions and reflect on your own behavior, gradually, you can also Then you will not be controlled by emotions. This process is also a process of self-growth for parents. Expressing anger appropriately. There are many ways to lose temper: some people are furious, scolding, hitting and throwing things; Fierce words, overt and understated sarcasm; others are cold-faced and silent. But no matter what kind, it will cause great harm to the child who receives the emotion. Therefore, when we lose our temper, we must avoid being caught in the moment. Try to remain objective and calm if you are influenced by your emotions. After all, losing your temper is not the purpose, solving the problem at hand is. So, how can we express our anger reasonably? There are three specific points for implementation: First, objectively describe what we see in front of us. reality. For example, “You beat your sister to tears. \”Your room was not tidied in time.\” \”You left the scissors in the living room.\” \”Second, clearly express your true inner feelings. For example, \”This makes me very angry\”, \”I am very unhappy now\”, etc. Third, tell me what you want your child to do. The more specific the better. For example: \”I I hope you can go to your sister\’s room and apologize to her. \”Please clean your room before eating.\” \”I hope you took things and put them back where they belong.\” \”In this process, the attitude can be harsh, but try to avoid some verbal derogation and personality attacks. Saying your requests and feelings seriously and seriously is more effective than humiliating the child. Such expressions are easier for the child to accept , and it is easier for children to learn to understand their parents. Apologize and review in time, and \”reconcile\” with the child to reduce the harm to the child from losing temper. The last step is to apologize and review the child in time, \”reconcile\” with the child, and repair the parent-child relationship. Relationship. After witnessing their mother lose her temper, most children are frightened and insecure inside. Not only because they are afraid of punishment, but also because they are afraid that their mother will no longer like them. Therefore, after you lose your temper with your child, you need to A process of \”reconciliation\”. It can be a simple physical contact such as a hug or a kiss, or it can also be an apology. [Full two seasons] mp3 of Zhang Yijun\’s children\’s emotional intelligence class, a doctor of psychology, teaches you how to raise children with high emotional intelligence. Tell your children, Mom is only angry because of those wrong behaviors, not against the child itself. Mom still loves you as always. Especially when your anger is not entirely because of the child, such as expressing your anger because of things not going well at work, you must sincerely apologize to the child. . You can tell him: \”Mom shouldn\’t have been so loud just now. Mom will calm down and talk to you next time.\” \”Then, review the process of the matter with him and express your expectations, such as: \”Mom just hopes that you can put away the toys by yourself. \”This process gives children the feeling of being understood, respected and valued, and they will be more proactiveReflect on yourself and correct your mistakes. With review and apology, not only can we repair the relationship with our children in time, but more importantly, let the children see the value of apology. Lorna Reiner, the author of the last book \”No Yelling, No Screaming\” once said: \”Parenting is an art that requires improvisation. There are no fixed rules and it is always changing. As long as you discipline your children based on his Focus on your physical and emotional needs, as long as you pay attention to your thoughts, emotions, and breathing. Then, with a little luck, you can raise a healthy and happy child.\” Tantrums are an inevitable part of life, learn How to lose your temper is a long practice for every mother. If this article has gained you something, remember to click [Like] at the end of the article.