How do parents educate their children for healthy growth?

Family education determines a child\’s life. Don\’t think that attending a prestigious school can determine your life. The relationship between husband and wife is always the most important. Never put your children first. Anyone who puts their children first will have a better future in their family. It\’s a tragedy; always maintain communication, parents\’ words and deeds will affect the child\’s life; any shortcomings and advantages of the child are related to the parents, and there will be no successful education if you don\’t understand the child. These views come from Liu Changming, a nationally renowned educator and principal of Beijing No. 4 Central Plains. He said, in retrospect, we have cultivated so many top students, competition winners, and gold medalists through \”jump start\” over the past 30 years, but we have not seen many masters in the scientific field emerge from them as we originally expected. At least not yet. There is no difference between newborn children, so why do they become so different and take different paths when they grow up? \”This difference is caused by the family.\” Liu Changming\’s speech once revealed many real observations from the front line of education. Let us recall Principal Liu\’s speech: Don\’t attach your own dreams to your children\’s future. Family education is indeed The whole society is very concerned about it. We have talked about the point that China has never paid as much attention to the education of children as it does today. The so-called emphasis is somewhat distorted, but generally speaking, every event related to family education is packed with seats. This reflects a mentality in our society. However, it is precisely because of the high attention to family education that today\’s education has produced many problems that did not arise in the past. Everyone who is about to become a parent or has become a parent has many requirements, dreams and hopes for the child who is about to be born or who is about to grow up. For example, I have seen a lot of so-called \”prenatal education\”. Before pregnancy, we should pay attention to how to regulate the bodies of parents, so as to have a better physiological foundation for the future birth of the child. After the child is born, we have many dreams for him. For example, we hope that the child will become a scientist, a diplomat, the world\’s richest man, a singer, a football star, a celebrity, and the top scorer in the college entrance examination. We also hope that the child will be healthy, happy, open-minded, polite, and humorous. , behave elegantly, etc. But many goals have little chance of being achieved. When we become parents, many of our dreams and attention are impossible to realize in a lifetime and are illusory. Many parents cannot accept that our children will be ordinary people in the future, but for the vast majority of families, this is the reality. Therefore, in order to pursue those goals that we think are illusory and illusory, we have produced many phenomena that we think should not have occurred today. Nowadays, more parents value \”jumping the gun\”. In fact, life is a marathon. We may have all seen the scene of a marathon. In fact, it doesn\’t matter who is standing in the first row or the second row at the start. Even after running 10,000 meters, who is first and who is second cannot decide which one reaches the finish line first. However, many parents today are desperately trying to \”jump the gun\”. Please encourage your children to be happy ordinary people. Looking back over the past 30 years, we have trained so many top students and won prizes in competitions by jumping in front of them.However, we have not seen many masters in the scientific field emerge from them as we originally expected, at least not yet. So each of us has this process with our own children. When we were just born, we had many dreams. We hoped that our children would go to a good school and have good grades. Gradually, our expectations gradually cooled down. We hope that this child will be able to graduate, go to school, and get a job normally. In the future, he will be able to start a family, have children, live a stable life, have a stable job, and not be laid off. Being able to have good health and a harmonious family when we are in our thirties and forties, and hope that our children will be filial when we enter old age. Finally, when we can’t move, all our original dreams are gone. Our dream at that time was that he could pour himself a drink by our side. water. In fact, each of us has such a process in our hearts. We had a lot of lofty ideals at the beginning, but in the end, when we grow old, we truly understand that what we do is often wrong. I never believe that intensive training can produce what we call \”successful\” people. Of course, there is no single standard for success. There is a saying that the best is always the best. What I understand is that no matter what kind of group of people is statistically classified, the final result must be normally distributed. A good cook may not be a good mathematician, and vice versa. What we call the most successful people must be a minority. The vast majority are ordinary. But don’t ordinary people have happiness? I read an interview that many girls in Japan, especially those in Tokyo, are unwilling to marry someone who owns a house, because they think that such a person may not be willing to struggle after he has everything. They prefer that the young couple start from nothing and build their lives bit by bit. This is not only a process of building life, but also a process of emotional building. How to communicate with children should be regarded as an art. On the issue of communication, every parent is asked to think about it. Do we have rich topics and expressions? When communicating, have you ever thought about communication skills and art? Besides studying, are there any other communication topics? Have we ever said something like this to our children: \”Child, you just need to improve your scores and don\’t worry about anything else.\” We want to cultivate a responsible child, but when you say this, the education of responsibility has already Completely lost. If you don’t have to worry about anything, where does the sense of responsibility come from? So there will be a situation where the oil bottle is poured over and the children will turn a blind eye. When children are frustrated, silent education may be more effective. No need to say anything, just go up and hug him, pat his back and head, because parents can\’t really help their children with their learning problems. All children can understand this silent movement. In many cases, we can take a more artistic approach. For example, we have a teacher whose child took something from the supermarket without paying. When he got to the parking lot and was about to get in the car, he suddenly realized that the item had not been paid. In fact, no one knew about it when he took it away, but the parents thought this was an important opportunity to cultivate good qualities in their children, so they asked their children to give the money to the supermarket cashier. The child has finished thisAfter the incident, the parents did not give a word of verbal praise. But the parents seemed delighted throughout the evening. In fact, children can feel this atmosphere, which is the best reward for them. Sometimes communication takes some time. Let me tell you about a case in Beijing No. 4 Middle School: We adopted a method several years ago. During military training, we asked every parent to write a letter to their children in the military camp. The military training lasts for about ten days. We have this letter handed in to the school on the fourth day, and then we strive to let every child read the letter written by his parents on the fourth or fifth day. We tell parents, you cannot use the excuse that I am too busy and have no time to write. If the whole class does not write about your child, your child may be very disappointed. Things that parents usually don\’t want to talk about or are too shy to talk about can be written in the letter. Why choose the fourth or fifth day? Because these days are the time when children leave their parents and home, and begin to miss home in the relatively difficult environment of the military camp. At this time, a letter from parents can penetrate deeply into their hearts. Almost no students could not cry after seeing Xin Xin. This is a good communication. I give this example to say that communication requires us to choose a method, an occasion, a state of mind, and a timing. Treat children tolerantly so that \”you can rub sand into your eyes.\” I once read a story online about a child in Finland who did something for his family when he was ten years old. He may feel that he needs something in return. , so he wrote: \”20 pfennig to retrieve daily necessities, 10 pfennig to send letters to the post office, 20 pfennig to help adults in the garden…\” If your child suddenly gives you a paper like this one day Article, how would you react? Some parents may be furious. When the mother saw the bill, she didn\’t say anything and just put the money there. When the child got the money, he saw another bill written by his mother: \”Peter owes his mother the following amount: 0 pfennig for his 10 years of happy life at home, 0 pfennig for his food and drink for 10 years, 0 Finney for taking care of him when he was sick, and for always having a loving mother 0 Finney…\” I think this is a kind of art. I think that most parents now lack such an educational art. We often say: \”Teacher, I leave my child to you. You can hit him or scold him.\” This reflects the mentality of parents, shirking their own responsibilities. Many times, parents make a fuss. When their son receives a call from a girl, the mother may pick up the phone and listen in the next room, or a girl receives a call from a boy. Many parents immediately report it to the teacher and take some \” \”Necessary\” measures to restrict the child\’s freedom of phone calls and communications, etc. In fact, these are all too sensitive. A teacher in our school once said something to me, and I regard this sentence as a very important educational principle. He said: \”Principal, I understand now that education sometimes involves rubbing sand into your eyes.\” I think this is a kind of tolerance in education. We must believe that children can figure this out and learn from this.I learned some truth from the matter. I once read a very vivid story written by a writer: When he was a teacher, he once took the children to the beach to play. The children wanted to go into the water. Considering safety, he initially disagreed, but when he saw the children They asked so urgently, and he agreed. However, he asked the teachers to set up a line of defense in the distance so that the children could not exceed this line of defense. The children had a great time and were all wet when they came up. The children were talking and laughing, and a little girl took off her clothes. Obviously, she took off too many clothes. The teacher was very surprised and thought about whether to stop her, but he restrained himself. Later, he saw the little girl twisting her clothes and putting them on. There was nothing unusual about the boys and girls next to her. Because children\’s excitement is not here, but if we adults yell, this child may be ruined for his whole life. So, this is what we have to rub sand into our eyes. How can parents better build emotional bonds with their children? I wrote an article with the view that you should never put your children more important than your life partner. In my opinion, the relationship between husband and wife is the most important. It is precisely because of a strong relationship between husband and wife that we can have a strong family. Only with a strong family can children have a normal and good growth environment. Later, many people called me and said that their values ​​had changed after reading the article. Because many parents put their children first, this eventually leads to many conflicts in the family. At a parent-teacher meeting, I said that we should spend enough time with our children. One parent said that his job is to socialize every day, eat out at night, and rarely go home to eat. I said, I don\’t think any meal should be eaten out. Let me tell you frankly here that I will not lie about other things. There is only one thing I may lie about. That is when someone calls me to go out to eat, I will say: \”I\’m sorry, I have plans tonight.\” .\” Actually, this is just an excuse. I think a harmonious family must have enough time to stay together. When I was young, I had a classmate whose home was an open family that welcomed foreign guests. Once I met the wife of a senior Japanese official at his house. She said that parents must allow themselves to have enough skin-to-skin contact with their children and must hold their children. In fact, the basis of emotion is the biochemical reaction that occurs in the body. Without these conditions, the reaction cannot occur, and there will be no emotion. Emotions are not illusory, so there must be a lot of contact in order to have more feelings. I personally believe that family education should not be too artistic or too technical. A harmonious family and a harmonious family are the most important. Fan Deng Reading Club’s Five Compulsory Courses in Family Education for New Parents [Video + Audio] With a harmonious family, children can grow up naturally and happily in the family, and the children’s education must be successful. As for whether we should learn more things so early, I personally hope that parents will not focus on \”jumping the gun\”. I hope you can treat family education and the growth of your children more rationally.