How do parents relax when they have a child who is lying down and out of school?

It is impossible for parents not to be anxious when their children do not go to school. The cause of anxiety is the unpredictability of consequences. In other words, the feeling of losing control is what causes our anxiety. In this life we ​​are looking for the feeling of control everywhere. Making plans, making items, sorting out priorities, concreteness, and visualization are all to give us more certainty about things and life, and to gain a sense of control. For example: when we get sick, such as a common cold, most of us won’t be anxious, because other people’s experience and our own experience tell us that we can get better in 3-5 days, take medicine, and there are treatments that can be targeted. medicine. These are certain. But if the doctor cannot explain the cause of this disease, it is always troublesome, and the future is unclear, it is very different. Just like children who drop out of school and suffer from depression, we don’t have a lot of precedent experience, and we don’t know whether it can be cured… As for the specific recovery time, whether taking medicine will be effective, and whether there are any special methods, we are not sure. It can be said that there is a lot of fog here, there are too many uncontrollable factors, it would be strange not to be anxious. After my online consultation is over, there is usually a 3-day companionship period. This time is often used to answer some remaining questions and life guidance after the consultation (the time is sporadic and irregular, according to my work and rest schedule). Some time ago, there was a mother who visited me. After the consultation, she calmed down and decided to have a good \”fight\” with her child – to use her patience and love to melt her child, live a good life, and then deal with her child\’s problems. Within a few hours, the mother left me a message saying: \”Teacher, I am still very anxious. Should I do something or say something?\” The next day she left a message: \”Teacher, my husband and I are very anxious.\” Anxiety, a feeling that this life is over. What should I do?” I understand her feelings very well, and it is obvious that this mother has not calmed down at all. A moment of peace during the consultation could not resolve her inner fears and tensions. For a person who lives with anxiety all year round, her anxiety and tension actually do not come from the child, but from ourselves. The fact that children are out of school only intensifies this feeling of anxiety. However, our children\’s disinclination to study is most likely caused by the anxiety they have experienced since childhood. Therefore, why do we always say that when children are tired of school and drop out of school, parents must first settle their emotions and live a good life. Inner anxiety is a big subject that takes time, deliberate practice, determination and confidence. So, how do we slowly relax ourselves every day? True relaxation is not about scrolling through mobile phones, watching TV shows, socializing or traveling, but about emptying your mind. I really like the UP at Station B. He said that there are three indicators of true relaxation: first, the body is relatively still and the mind is relatively concentrated. The so-called relative means to slow down compared to usual times, or not move at all. Yoga, Tai Chi, and mindfulness meditation are all possible, but not many people insist on them. If the above is not possible, an easier way is to play some soft music, sit quietly, and let your thoughts flow with the music, or you can dance with your body. I often do this,Children are also advised to do this. 1-2 times a day, 10-15 minutes each time. Second, develop a deep awareness of your surroundings. It\’s a feeling of…selflessness. It is said that Harukami Muraki likes ironing clothes because it makes him relax. He said that at that moment, he would feel the contact and friction between his hands, the iron and the clothes, and his body and brain would reach a feeling of physical and mental unity. When I was playing badminton today, there was a moment: I put all my attention on the ball, my eyes were fixed on the flying position of the ball, my hands consciously followed my eyes to greet it, and other parts of my body also followed it. Automatic fit. At that moment, there were no distracting thoughts, no worries, it was very relaxing. This is deep awareness of your surroundings. Third, feel calm after finishing. Feeling like nothing is wrong and everything is fine. So be sure to set aside some personal time for yourself every day (you can do this with kids, too). It’s okay to be in a daze. Once, in order to prevent my daughter from doing homework during recess, she said: \”Be sure to go out and walk around during recess, and don\’t lie down to do homework. We can imagine the human brain like this. After a class, the parts of the brain are all Running at high speed. Just like the city lights under the high-speed lens at night, they are intertwined and chaotic. At the end of the day, people go home to rest, and all the lights are turned off and returned to their original positions. You can start again the next day. The same goes for breaks between classes. Only by giving your brain parts time to reset can you be better on your way. \”All good ideas and ideas are generated when you are in a daze. Please be sure to give yourself and your children some breathing room every day. With that space, everything will be different. Trust me and trust your body. Of course, it would be better if you can seek professional psychological assistance to sort out and talk about it from time to time.