How important are parents who apologize to adolescent children?

Preface: Most Chinese parents are not good at expressing love to their children, let alone apologizing. As everyone knows, it is very important for parents to apologize to their children, especially when the children are in adolescence… Today we will talk about the great significance of apology to children. 01 My father will apologize and is the greatest father in the world. Like many fathers born in the 1980s, my father is a farmer. He did very well at farm work. During the rice ripening season when I was a child, my mother stood by the vegetable garden and pointed to a bright yellow field in the distance and told me: Look, the brightest field belongs to our family. His tone was full of pride. Unlike many fathers, my father only had two daughters. Moreover, the younger daughter had a high fever when she was a baby. The good news after the spinal surgery is that she is a high paraplegic and otherwise normal. And I am the healthy eldest daughter. It was an era when sons were valued over daughters. Even though my sister was like this, my father always loved us very much and never spoke loudly to me or my sister, let alone beat or scolded us. From the time I left my hometown to study in Changsha until now, the thing my father has said to me the most is: take care of my body; the thing I have been asked the most about is: am I happy? He rarely calls me because he is afraid of disturbing me and knows that I am busy; when he does call, he doesn\’t chat too much because he is worried about delaying my work. This is my father, who always thinks about me and always wants me to be happy. My father tried his best and gave me everything he could. Not only his hard work, not only his endless love, but also the most precious gift in the world – apologizing to me. 02 My father’s apology: It’s not about “winning” the child, but winning the child’s heart. That year, when I was admitted to a key high school, my mother persuaded me to give up high school and choose a normal school in consideration of the family burden. At that time, my father was well aware of my determination to go to No. 1 Middle School, but he probably couldn\’t defeat my mother. In addition, he thought what she said was reasonable. Besides, I myself nodded in the end, so he didn\’t insist anymore. I will never forget that afternoon when I was practicing in the piano room and received a letter from my father. He wrote a long one, but I only remember one sentence. He said: Sister, I\’m sorry, it\’s my incompetence that prevented you from going to high school or college… Just for a moment, it felt like the whole world was filled with my tears. I usually race against time to practice the piano, but I spent the whole time crying. Tears soaked the letter paper. This sentence resolved all the resentment and unfair fate in my heart at the age of sixteen. It tells me that this man understands me; it tells me that this man respects me; it tells me that this man cares about me very much. I understand better that I deserve to be loved. To this day, every time I think of this sentence, my nose gets sore. I received my father\’s helplessness and my father\’s apology. But I know that he has given me the best of everything he could give. What he didn\’t have, he couldn\’t give it to me. This apology made my father\’s status in my heart higher, and I respected him and loved him more. This apology made me know that parents can also apologize to their children, and authority and status are not the first. This apology made me understand In the eyes of others, my father, who has a gentle personality, is the most responsible and courageous man in the world; this apology, whispered quietly, makes it easy for me to favor him regardless of the facts when my mother complains to me… Today, I understand : a parent, don\’t \”win\” the child, but \”win\” the child. 03 Parents who can apologize are the blessings of their children for half their lives. There is a popular saying on the Internet: Parents are waiting for their children to thank them, and children are waiting for their parents to apologize. There must be many parents who want to owe their children an apology. Psychologist Erica Lesschel: High-quality parents know that apologizing does not undermine their authority as parents; it is a sign of confidence, integrity, and responsibility. American psychologist Rhoda Dunne: When parents make a mistake or break a promise they made, if they can say sorry to their children, it can help them build their self-esteem and cultivate the habit of respecting others. It can be said that parents who can apologize are a child\’s blessing for half of his life. Especially for adolescent children, physical maturity brings psychological discomfort, and their self-awareness is developing rapidly. If parents fail to quickly switch to a new mode of companionship, parent-child conflicts can easily occur. How to repair relationships after conflicts is a very important lesson for adolescent parents. But in the eyes of many Chinese-style parents, apologizing to their children is a \”show of weakness\”, which will weaken their authority and lower their status. They think it will be difficult to control their children in the future and do not want to apologize; more parents use the phrase \”look at the left and right\” it”, or apologies for actions unique to each. The most common one is asking the child to eat. However, such an apology may not be successfully conveyed to the child. As a result, children always feel that their parents owe them an apology, and it is difficult to let go of something or a certain type of thing; or after becoming a parent, they cannot break through to apologize to their children. Especially for fathers, it is more difficult to talk about and express gender relations, and because it represents more \”authority\” than mothers, it is more difficult for them to let go of their status. In fact, the weight of the father\’s apology is often even more extraordinary. Yes, parents\’ apology means that parents will reflect and learn; it conveys parents\’ bravery and responsibility, and does not shirk responsibility; it also tells children that parents\’ love transcends status and authority. A sincere apology from parents is a good way to repair the parent-child relationship. A good apology can not only repair but also sublimate the relationship, just like my father and I; a poor apology may leave a permanent mark in the child\’s heart. Because the family of origin is so important to children. My relationship with the world is my relationship with myself; my relationship with myself comes largely from my relationship with my family of origin. Written at the end: If necessary, try to adjust yourself and bravely apologize in a way that suits you. Word of mouth, letters, notes, cards, gifts, hugs, conveying to others… are all acceptable, but make sure that this method can successfully make the child feel. Only by feeling can the reception be considered successful. Don’t let this apology, which you finally mustered up the courage to do, get lost in the numerous other actions. More importantly, let the other party know \”what happened and why you are apologizing.\” Because children in adolescence gradually mature psychologically, and their outlook on life, world view, and values ​​are all forming. The behavior of parents is the practice and demonstration of their own three views. The quality of parents who dare to apologize and be able to apologize has a profound impact on their children and is of great significance… With this article, I would like to thank my father for his apology; with this article, I would like to pay tribute to all the fathers who dare to apologize; with this article, I would like to express my gratitude to myself and my parents. mutual encouragement.